I am going to keep this brief. I started to miscarry my 3rd yesterday. Words can't describe how I feel. I feel like a failure and I can't believe God would be this cruel. I prayed and prayed that the doctors were wrong and that it wasn't a blighten ovum and they just couldn't see it because of my tilted uterus. It didn't work. My faith is again tested. Why would God be this cruel. Why give babies to parents who don't want them, but for two people who want to be parents more than anything they put us through this.
I am home because I am not sure how I am going to bleed. I have a fear that it will be like last time and I will hemorrhage again. So I am just staying home to relax and wait it out.
I have an ultrasound that they want me to keep on the 21st. I see the RE for a followup on September 3rd to go over our plan of attack.
I am at a loss with this all. After all my testing I thought I got a handle on everything and this time things would be different. I had faith and hope all would workout but instead I am back here in the same place I was 13 months ago. It took me a year to pregnant and now its gone.
I fear that my husbands chromosomes and mine just don't mesh good together. What do you then? I am going to ask to test that. They tested our chromosomes separately, but I want them to put them together somehow.
I feel like this is a trial and error. Well lets see if this works, oh no it didn't lets try this. There has to be a reason why this keeps on happening to me.
Is it because I workout? Is my heart rate just getting to high? I have no idea. Its just so sad. Me being a mom seems so far away....
6 comments:
I am so sorry....
Hi sweetie.. I've been thinking of you so much and my heart is just breaking for you. It's so hard to understand or even wrap our heads around why we endure such a painful thing... there is not explanation. I don't think you're doing anything wrong and I know not having an answer makes it all the more frustrating. Please do whatever you need to heal your heart. I'll be praying for you so hard.
I'm so so sorry =(
I have no words for you except that I will be thinking of you ((hugs))
I'm so sorry. I wish I had more words to comfort you, but I know all too well that words don't help much...I too am struggling with loss. Life is just so unfair and this doesn't make sense. Try to be positive, you will become a mom and I truly believe that! Hugs!
I'm so sorry. Praying for you during this difficult time. (((HUGS)))
I'm so very sorry. This is a very difficult time for you both and I'm wishing you peace with it.
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