Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Faith, hope or denial?

I do not know if its hope and faith I have or I am in complete denial. I decided to the wait and see approach. I have done alot of research online and came across this website.

After reading these stories and my sister told me a story about a woman she knows. They told her there was nothing there. She didn't do anything and then later they found a heartbeat. Also on another board I go to a lady emailed me and that happened to her sister. At 6 weeks, she had slight spotting, and went in for an u/s. The doctor couldn't see much, and had her come back in a week. Her HCG numbers continued to rise.At 7 weeks, they still couldn't see anything and the doctors came to the same conclusion as yours, that it must be a blighted ovum. She had a D&C a few days later.She continued to feel kinda crappy, and finally the doctor had her come in for a blood draw to run some tests. Her HCG levels were through the roof. Now they suspected a molar pregnancy, which, as I understand it, means something continues to grow, but not a baby...almost like a tumor - and can be dangerous if not dealt with.So they brought her in for an ultrasound, and guess what was in there?? a baby. yes, a live, kicking fetus, that somehow survived the D&C. So they screwed up twice - once, telling her there was no baby, when clearly they were wrong, and 2, obviously they didn't do the D&C correctly, as here was this baby, which appeared fine, alive and heart beating in her uterus.But when she went back at 16 weeks for her regular checkup, the baby had no more heartbeat. No one can prove it, but they can't help but be certain that going through the D&C must of hurt the fetus and eventually caused its demise. They did do testing on the tissue and the baby had no known chromosomal issues.

I also came across this story. now its very freaky because the dates are exactly like mine. it was in 2007.

"Now here I am 4 years later. I am pregnant again and I know exactly when I conceived( July 1). I had a sonogram at 7 weeks 1 day (Aug. 8) from my last period (June 18). The doctor said my sac looked like I was five weeks pregnant and he couldn't see anything in it. He said that would be normal for five weeks and maybe my dates were off. I knew they weren't so I left feeling hopeless and upset. The only hope I felt was that my son looked 6 weeks when he was 8 weeks so maybe that was happening again but this time I didn't have the reassurance of a heartbeat. We tested my HcG levels and they went from 3,284 to 3,611 in two days. I knew that wasn't supposed to be good but at least they went up. My progesterone level was 8 when it is supposed to be around 20. So I was very worried but I started to feel a lot more hopeful after I found this website and started reading all the misdiagnosed stories. I am very thankful that this site exists and that God led me here. I also have a friend that was told she had a blighted ovum early on and 3 weeks later they did a sonogram and found the heartbeat. She now has a healthy baby girl. Yesterday (Aug. 16) I went to the doctor for another sonogram (8 days after the first). After seeing my HcG #'s the doctor didn't seem hopeful. He started the vaginal ultrasound and I could see a baby in the sac and I saw what I believe to be the heartbeat. The doctor says "Well we may have a surprise here. " The baby measured 6weeks and 2 days. The doc said he wasn't totally sure that what we saw was not my heartbeat because it was so close to my heart rate. But that there was a significant change in the right direction from the last ultrasound. I will have another ultrasound on Wed. Aug. 22. I feel very hopeful and a little worried which is probably why I am up writing this at 4 in the morning but I have a tremendous Faith in God. No matter what happens I know that he knows what is best for our family and he has a perfect plan for us. Many times I have looked back on my life and wondered why did I worry so much about finding the right man or if I would have children because God is in control and he has the perfect plan for us. He is much wiser than we are and he wants the best for us. Of course my hearts desire right now is that this baby is healthy and will join our family. But I am thankful for all that he has given me and I feel so blessed."

So after hearing all these stories I am going to let my body do it on its own. If this is going to miscarry it will. I can't cautiously have a d&c with my numbers going up and knowing these stories. Also I don't want a d&c. I scarred with my last one. I am just going wait and see. I have been reading that with a tilted uterus you make look 1 to 2 weeks behind also.

The doctor called me today. She is not to hopeful. She said the blood work should be higher. She said I can certainly wait and see. I will have another ultrasound the week of the 17th. I said my body is going to know what to do.
She said the one thing she can say is that my progesterone was low when I first had my blood work. they increased my progesterone. She said maybe you should of been on a higher dose from the start. it would help with implantation, etc. So I am going to wait and if that week there is nothing there I will know for sure that its a blighten ovum.

My sister in laws friend kept on having miscarriages. She went to a specialist. He said what are you doing and put her on bedrest. She has two children. Should I not workout from the start? I might go and see him.

My emotions are a roller coaster. In the back of mind I know its not a viable pregnancy. But I cant help thinking I need to have faith that a miracle will happen. Miracles do happen sometimes right? Maybe I will get one. Maybe my grandparents looking down on me and my two babies in heaven will make sure this miracle happens.

I was meant to be a mom. I wont give up trying. I wont lose my faith. I felt like it was a miracle I was finally pregnant after a year. I cant give up on my miracle without a proper fight.

Thank you for your well wishes, thoughts, prayers and good wishes. Please continue to pray for my husband and I and for this little one that I hope and pray I am carrying.

I am updated this post....
My ultrasound is scheduled for August 21st. My husbands birthday. Is this a sign? Could this be good luck? Will our miracle happen then.
Please pray for us that it will.

With much love,


Shanny said...

Oh Sue, this is all so tough to deal with but these stories are so inspiring. I'm one to agree with still holding on to faith and hope, you should definitely follow your instincts. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you hon ((hugs))

Mrs.Andreazza said...

My prayers are definitely with you. I am hoping for a wonderful miracle for you guys.