Friday, June 19, 2009

Moving on to the next step.

I wanted to update you on a few things and tell you what our next step is.

First off, let me tell you that as of May Blue Cross Blue Shield changed their criteria for infertility treatments. It used to be that you had to try for a year and if you had a miscarriage you had to wait another year because they saw those pregnancies as “success”. As of May, you just have to be trying for a year. It doesn’t matter if you had a miscarriage. I found this out when I went to the RE at the Reproductive Center.

On Tuesday I tested and got a negative. I just knew my period was coming. I called the Reproductive Center and ask if I could see my RE to discuss what my next step was. She didn’t have anything available until the end of July. I didn’t want to sit this cycle out so I asked if I could see anyone sooner. She gave me an appointment on Thursday with someone new. We went yesterday and as we were in the waiting room I got my period.

So we met with the RE, Dr K. She said why did you switch, you were seeing Dr.G and she gave you so many tests and she even gave you surgery, what happened? I told her that when I called she couldn’t see me until July. She said oh she probably could of moved things around if she knew what was happening. But I told her it didn’t matter who I saw I just wanted to move on to the next step.

So Dr. K was going over my tests and she said you have had a lot of tests done. She said the MTHFR gene mutation that I have could of caused my miscarriages. I am taking extra folid acid for this. She said on you are on baby aspirin and progesterone and its been a year trying on your own with no luck. She said she thought it was definitely time for the next step. She said we can either do Clomid and IUI or she said we could actually do IVF. I said no lets do IUI with clomid. I said I just got my period and she said lets do this cycle. So we met with the team nurse and she is going through everything. She said call us when your period comes. I said it just did. She said oh I dont think we can do it this cycle, they just put the paperwork in for the insurance and it takes 2 weeks for an approval. I lost it! I just cried. She said let me go to financial services and see what we can do. They put rush on it and my 3 day ultrasound and clomid , and ovidrel shot that I need to take are covered anyways. So hopefully the insurance will ok it by the IUI time.

Last night when I came home the pharmacy called me. They said I would need to start Clomid on Monday I need to get this prescription on Friday. They said they would call me back after they talked to my health insurance. They called back in 10 minutes with the ok. So we are all set.

I never thought it would come to this. I asked Dr. K why could I get pregnant so fast and now no luck. She said she sees it alot. Stress, your hormones change from cycle to cycle, it could be anything. They really don’t know. Unexplained infertility. I am just really happy that we are going this route this cycle.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The love for a child

My husband has a nephew. He just turned a year old. They live with my in laws for now. My husband’s office is at my in laws. So he sees his nephew every day.
My husband said to me the other night, “Suzanne the best feeling is when Baby Jose gets excited to see me and holds his arms up so I hold him.” His sister one day told him that she was with the baby in another room and heard my husband come in and said, Jose, Zio Pat is here. The baby got so excited.
My husband has never experienced this kind of love or connection with a baby before. I have 5 nieces and 1 other nephew so I know what it is to absolutely fall in love with a baby or child. When I first met all my nieces and nephew I was instantly hooked. I just simply felt the love. I could not describe the feeling I have for them. All I can say is that the love is so strong that you would do anything for them. I am so happy that my husband is experiencing this. It’s a great feeling that can’t be described. He said, “I held Jose and he gave me a big hug and put his head on my shoulder, what a great feeling”. I told him you have the love of a child, which is the best thing in this world. Wait until he says your name. The best feeling was when my nieces and nephew called me, “Auntie”.
I can only imagine what this love is like when you have your own. I can’t wait to give my husband a son or daughter. I don’t think there is a greater gift I can give him.
I am looking forward to the day we have our own. For now, I am glad he is getting practice with how to handle a baby. He is very good with his nephew. He still hasn’t of course changed his diaper. That might be a little too much right now.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A year ago...

I remember this day so clearly in my mind. The day before was Fathers Day and I was almost 12 weeks pregnant. We were so happy. We were almost there in the safe place. Just a few more days. I gave my husband his first father’s day gift. I cute onesie with his construction logo on it and a mug that said “Dad”. We couldn't of been happier. When we went to his aunt’s house we told everyone that we were pregnant. The next night I came home from teaching spinning and went to the bathroom. I had red on the toilet paper. I was so scared and couldn’t believe this was happening again. I still felt very pregnant and no symptoms were gone so I figured that maybe it was because I just worked out. I called the doctor on call and they called me right back. He told me it’s probably nothing and come in so I can have an ultrasound to make sure all is ok. My husbands were driving to the hospital and I said I promise I will stop teaching spinning. That must be it. I went to the hospital and they gave me an ultrasound. The doctor was so nice. He had tears in his eyes. He said I am so sorry this baby is about 6 weeks and it has no heartbeat. I just lost it. Not again. This cant be happening again. God is this cruel! I was hysterical. I told him get someone else to look at it. He is wrong. I still feel pregnant. Another doctor came in and looked at me and said, “ok you need to calm right down” Oh I wanted to just punch her. She was so mean. She confirmed it. He gave me two options, wait it out and take pills. Me, in denial said I wouldn’t take the pills I will wait till I can go to my doctors tomorrow. They will give me another ultrasound with a better machine and all will be ok. Well the next day I knew I was losing my second child.
So on this anniversary of my second loss I thought of how great would it be if I got a Positive on a pregnancy test this morning. No such luck. NEGATIVE! I know my period is coming. I feel it. So since it’s a year since my second miscarriage I can finally have treatments done at the reproductive clinic I go to. I called them this morning and asked to see my RE so we can set up a consultation so see what the next step was. She didn’t have anything until next month. There was no way I was waiting another cycle out. I waited long enough. A month seems like nothing but its like eternity when you have waited so long to have a baby. I asked if I could see someone else. She said but you would have to have an hour-long consultation visit. I said that’s fine. All my labs and tests are there I don’t care who gives me treatments. I don’t care where I have to go. I am not waiting another month. So we have appointment in 2 days.
It’s been a long road. Emotionally, I cant take much more of this. I have so many mixed emotions. Month after month of disappointment and just total let down. The upset I feel at my body because it does not do what’s it was made to do. Of health insurance not doing anything until I have not been pregnant for a year. What difference does it make? After all that’s said and down, a year is a year. There is still no baby in my arms. This year finally comes and then someone tells you no you have to wait another month. There was no way I was letting that happen. I am hoping that I am able to go straight to the IUI. I just think that is the only thing that will help. I don’t get how I got pregnant so quickly over a year ago and now it’s hard. Does age have anything to do with it? Is it because I am a year older? Who knows? I am just wishing I can get some answers and have a treatment plan on Thursday.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Fertility yoga

I have been doing Fertility Yoga for a week now. I wanted to write about it so some of you will know about it.

I became aware of it when I went to the Reproductive Science Center there was a pamphlet in the waiting room. They had classes on Tuesday nights at 7pm with Monica Morell. I went on the website and I told my cousin about the video and website. She purchase the DVD. I kind of thought that I was already doing yoga that what was the sense in getting it. My cousin gave me the video last week because she is pregnant now and thought I would like it.

I am not new to yoga. I am a certified aerobics and spinning instructor and work out 6 days a week. I was into hot power yoga. I was getting dizzy doing it and I decided to not practice that anymore. I didn't think that was very healthy for me.

Last week I tried the video and loved it! I felt so relaxed. I decided to just try to relax more. Its been very hard for me and very stressful. I decided this month I needed to change something. I am adding this yoga to my workout routine 3 days a week. I hope this helps.

I think this is what I needed. For those who are trying to conceive it can get very stressful and its a lot of work! I think we really need to reconnect with our selves, our body, our minds, our whole beings, and in some cases most often our husbands. Also I needed to reconnect with my breath. I just needed to breathe and just calm my body down a bit. We can all get caught up in the baby making process it can take a toll on our bodies. I just think I needed to relax a bit and I just think this video is very helpful to do just that.