Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Week 23- Two years later...

Whats Baby S up to?

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now, such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner, probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

I am feeling the baby more and more everyday. It used to be just morning and night. Now it seems like I am feeling the baby more during the day as well. Last night I think the baby had hicups. It was so cute.
I have been still trying to stick with an exercise routine of walking, lifting weights and prenatal yoga. I have found this week I am more tired. When I push myself to walk I do feel better, but I can definitely feel a difference.
I cant let this day go by without a little remembrance. It has been two years today when I found out I had a missed miscarriage with my second loss. I will never forget that day.
I still can remember the pain and agony that I was in. I was convinced I was not meant to be a mom. I was being punished, I would never have a healthy pregnacy, I would never get over the pain I felt. They say time heals all wounds and pain. Yes that's true, time does help, but I don't think you can ever forget. I was so hopeful and happy the day before, it was Fathers Day. My husband was going to be a Dad soon, my new nephew was born that day. We were all so happy. Then the next day we got the worst news of our lives. I never felt that much pain in all my life. It felt like my heart was ripped out and I was only left feeling empty. It took me so long to recover emotionally and physically. Did it make me stronger? Yes I believe it did. It made me realize your life can change in an instant.
Two years later, I do sometimes find myself think,"I would of had a year and half year old." I then say that it wasn't meant to be then. As I am here almost 6 months pregnant I feel like I cant help but have that fear still that something can go wrong. I am still fearful when I don't feel the baby for a little while. I think, "oh God is something wrong?" Then I feel the best feeling in the world. My little munchkin moves like he/she is saying, "I'm here Mommy and I'm OK". My favorite moments are when I am laying down at night and feeling the baby move.
I urge you to read my story. If you take anything from it please take that miracles can happen and do happen. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Some good comes out of something bad. You have to have strength and determination. I am meant to be a mother. That IS my density.
17 more weeks. I will have that dream come true. My long road will finally be all worth it.

No comments: