Sunday, January 11, 2009

Forget Me Not.

For those who have just had a miscarriage or an infant loss, I am deeply sorry. I wanted to pass this along to you so you will have some ideas how to keep your little one always remembered.
This website has so many things that you can get to remember your little ones.

With my first loss I wanted a way to remember my little one. I came across this website. I got the necklace shown above and I put the birthstone of when the baby should of been born. I wear it every day. It is always close to me at all times. Just the way my baby should of been.

After my second loss I ordered another birthstone. Again for the month the baby was supposed to be born in. So I now have this necklace with two birthstones on it. One for November and one for January.

I decided to do this because at the moment I found out I was pregnant I was never alone. I always had my baby with me. I knew its little heart did beat at one time and I just wanted to feel that my babies were always still with me. I wear my necklace proud and if someone asks me what that means I simply say those are the birthstones of my babies I lost. They are always with me.

The necklace comes with this poem. I have this poem in a box that I have on my bureau in my bedroom. In this box is the poem and my ultrasound photo of my second baby.

Here is the poem and it is so true and I just love these simple words. So true and so simple.

Forget me not

My little one

You have left us too soon

Though my body can no longer hold you

I hold you forever in my heart

As precious and beautiful as this flower caught in time

A mother's love does not forget

We are all mothers at the moment we find out we are pregnant. We do what mothers are made to do. We do everything in our power to be healthy so our baby grows and are safe. Never blame yourself that the loss is your fault. Never think that if you did something different you wouldn't have lost your baby. One and five pregnancies end in miscarriage. I honestly don't have answers to why some woman have miscarriages and other woman have healthy babies. I have been trying to grasp that myself. I know some people will try to say things to make you feel better and they just make it worse. Things like,

"The baby just wasn't right" ,"Its Gods will","At least you can get pregnant", "Its happens all the time", "Thank God it happened when it did and not later", "Just think of the fun you will have trying again" and my all time favorite, "You know maybe I had one and I didn't know it, I just thought my period was late".

Though people say these things to make you feel better they in no way do. Just know that you are so entitled to remember your little ones. Its nothing to feel ashamed of. You lost your baby. Whether it was 5 weeks or 3 months the hurt is still the same. You must go through the same grieving process. Anger, hurt, sadness, and acceptance. It is very normal to experience grief and go through a grieving process after a miscarriage.
It is important to remember that grief is not a sign of weakness; it is a natural human emotion experienced by everyone after a significant loss. And it won't disappear magically overnight. For many women, it is not possible to "just get over it" in a day or two. Unfortunately, it is also not always possible for other people to understand, which can make your grieving process even harder.
What has been helping me is, I got that necklace, I belong the and I go to the Pregnancy Loss board and Trying to Conceive After a Loss board. Interacting with these woman that have been through the same thing and felt the same way I do is extremely helpful. I also did go to a support group at a local hospital. My husband came with me which was a great support. I also had all my testing done so I knew nothing was wrong with me or my husband, I also changed doctors , something I felt I needed to do. I needed my doctor to have a "plan of attack" so to speak. He does. The minute I get pregnant again he wants me in his office and he is going to put me on progesterone. Also I will have blood tests every week to make sure my HCG are rising and I will have alot of ultrasounds. Lastly, time has helped me. I still feel so sad. Every month in fact I am deeply emotional. It just disappoints me. I honestly get depressed when my period comes for about a day or two I am so sad and depressed and then I think that ok we can try again. I just say that this is our month. It will happen. I refuse to give up hope. I will get pregnant and have a healthy baby. All hope is not lost.
I truly believe I was put on this earth to be a mother and I will never forget the babies I lost.

I hope you all don't give up hope also. I hope you can all remember your little ones and you will never forget.


Lucky said...

It has not been long since my 3rd loss and I am still grieving... thank you for writing this. I am in tears. It's beautiful..

Crysbena said...

((HUGS)) It will happen!! I'm so glad you'e not losing hope. You seem to be healing so well. Good for you! Hope you get a BFP soon!