I am pregnant! I went in this morning for blood work and recieved the call later in the day. The betas were 109. I am 12 days past the 3 day transfer. I was shaking when she called and told me. The nurse said its a great number. I go in Monday to take another test. Hopefully the numbers will double.
I had a feeling I was. This being my 4th pregnancy I know the signs and I know how my body feels. My first symtom I get is I am exhuasted. I can go to bed at 8 pm and I do. The second is I am starving every 2 hours and I wake up famished. I have a thing for salads and oranges. I can eat them all the time. I cant seem to get enough of them. I always loved salads, but oranges I really never ate. Its very strange.
The third symptom I have is I go to the bathroom all the time. Every 1/2 hour or hour. Last week I went to the bathroom before I left for work and my commute is and hour. I was ready to burst by the time I got to work.
The forth symptom I have is ummmm, well, my boobs hurt. In the shower with the water on them. OUCH!!!
I would love to say I am jumping for joy, but if I am honest, I am not. I am down right petrified.
I think of my last pregnancy. I have good numbers in the first two weeks and then boom, a blighten ovum.
I honestly feel I cant let myself get attached. I am afraid of losing this pregnancy too. I am trying to stay positive and I tell myself. This one is different. They took the septum out. Its all different. But its so hard not to feel frightened. Not to jump for joy. I am just plain scared.
I decided to take on day at a time. Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.
History does not have to repeat itself and it wont.
I am doing my relaxation sessions every night and I am not exercising this time around. I stopped working out when I start the stims because I just felt very uncomfortable.
I think my body just needs to rest at this time. My doctor told me he would feel comfortable if I didn't. No one knows if that caused my miscarriages, but the just don't know.
Monday I go for another blood test. Hopefully my numbers double.
I am still on the progesterone injection and the estrace. Maybe these two will make the difference I need?
One day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time.
2010 is already looking good.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sayings
"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end"- Author unknown.
I came across this saying and I thought it was just perfect. How true is this saying? I think it is just something that I need to tell myself over and over and it will keep me fighting. I feel that this is what I have been doing for almost 2 years. Fighting. Fighting for my happy ending. I have that one goal in my mind and I know it will happen someday. I will be a mom. I wont stop fighting until I hold my sweet baby in my arms.
It will all be OK and if its not, I have more fighting in me and its not the end.
Another great one that I always think about is:
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."-Lao Tzu.
I think of every month my single step. Each month trying to get pregnant. Then if I am pregnant, then my single steps will be weeks. Just taking one moment at a time and cherishing that moment as it comes. That's all I can do.
I came across this saying and I thought it was just perfect. How true is this saying? I think it is just something that I need to tell myself over and over and it will keep me fighting. I feel that this is what I have been doing for almost 2 years. Fighting. Fighting for my happy ending. I have that one goal in my mind and I know it will happen someday. I will be a mom. I wont stop fighting until I hold my sweet baby in my arms.
It will all be OK and if its not, I have more fighting in me and its not the end.
Another great one that I always think about is:
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."-Lao Tzu.
I think of every month my single step. Each month trying to get pregnant. Then if I am pregnant, then my single steps will be weeks. Just taking one moment at a time and cherishing that moment as it comes. That's all I can do.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Chicken Sausage, Mozzarella, and Spinach with Shells
I never post recipes. I might start posting a few healthy ones. I love to cook when I have the time and I like to cook healthy. Its important in this TTC journey that we eat a balanced diet. Since I have been home for a few days my husband has been wonderful. Last night he made homemade pizza. Tonight I wanted to try something new. I saw this recipe last week on Everyday Food on PBS. The original recipe is called Sausage, Mozzarella, and Broccoli Rabe with Shells. I changed it to make it healthier. I use chicken sausage, spinach instead of the broccoli rabe, just because I don't like broccoli rabe and whole-wheat pasta shells.
I thought I would give you something healthy and easy to make and that tastes incredible. My husband said after we ate, "I like you home!"
Enjoy.
Ingredients
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
¼ tsp of thyme
coarse salt and ground pepper
2 garlic cloves, chopped
3 links Italian chicken sausage,casings removed
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1 can (28 ounces) kitchen ready tomatoes
8 ounces medium whole-wheat shell pasta
1 block of frozen spinach, thawed
1-2 cups of reduced fat mozzarella
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a large skillet, heat oil over medium-high. Add onion and thyme; season with salt and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until onion is golden brown, about 15 minutes (reduce heat if browning too quickly).
2. Add garlic and chicken sausage. Cook, breaking meat up with a wooden spoon, until browned, about 5 minutes. Add flour and cook, stirring constantly, 30 seconds. Add tomato sauce. Cook sauce until slightly thickened, 5 to 8 minutes. Add spinach and stir.
3. Meanwhile, in a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta. Drain pasta and return to pot. Stir in sausage mixture. Transfer to a 9 x 12 baking dish. Top with mozzarella. Bake until cheese has melted and liquid is bubbling, about 15 minutes.
I thought I would give you something healthy and easy to make and that tastes incredible. My husband said after we ate, "I like you home!"
Enjoy.
Ingredients
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
¼ tsp of thyme
coarse salt and ground pepper
2 garlic cloves, chopped
3 links Italian chicken sausage,casings removed
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1 can (28 ounces) kitchen ready tomatoes
8 ounces medium whole-wheat shell pasta
1 block of frozen spinach, thawed
1-2 cups of reduced fat mozzarella
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a large skillet, heat oil over medium-high. Add onion and thyme; season with salt and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until onion is golden brown, about 15 minutes (reduce heat if browning too quickly).
2. Add garlic and chicken sausage. Cook, breaking meat up with a wooden spoon, until browned, about 5 minutes. Add flour and cook, stirring constantly, 30 seconds. Add tomato sauce. Cook sauce until slightly thickened, 5 to 8 minutes. Add spinach and stir.
3. Meanwhile, in a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta. Drain pasta and return to pot. Stir in sausage mixture. Transfer to a 9 x 12 baking dish. Top with mozzarella. Bake until cheese has melted and liquid is bubbling, about 15 minutes.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The 2 most perfect embryos
Yesterday I had the transfer. We woke up very early and left the house 2 hours before the appointment because it was snowing and we didn't want to get stuck. We made it in an hour and went to Starbucks to hang out for a while. You have to have a full bladder when the transfer is done. I think my bladder is the size of a pea because it doesn't take long to feel like I have to pee.
So we went to the clinic and I was very nervous for some reason. The doctor came in and explained that we only had 2 embryos left. The other two don't look good at all and are breaking down.
He asked if I wanted one in or two and we decided on two. In my mind I am thinking, well if I miscarry one I have another chance with the other. My mind thinking. I didn't say this out loud.
The embryo transfer procedure seems very similar to a Pap smear. There should be no pain involved and no sedation or other drugs are required. They use a moderately full bladder for embryo transfer. This helps in 2 important ways. It allows good ultrasound visualization of the catheter which helps with smooth and proper transfer of the embryos to the best location, and it also unfolds the (anteverted, "tipped up") uterus to a more accommodating angle which makes the process easier and less traumatic for both the endometrial lining and the embryos.
The embryo transfer catheter is loaded with the embryos and the physician passes it through the cervical opening up to the middle of the uterine cavity. Abdominal ultrasound is used simultaneously to watch the catheter tip advance to the proper location. It is sometimes difficult to keep the tip of the catheter in the exact plane of the ultrasound beam at all times - but it is very important to control the proper placement of the embryos. When the catheter tip reaches the ideal location, the embryos are then "transferred" (squirted out of the catheter) to the lining of the uterine cavity. After the embryos are transferred, the catheter is slowly withdrawn and checked under a microscope for any retained embryos. If any embryo is retained in the catheter (uncommon) the transfer procedure is repeated immediately and the catheter is checked again for a retained embryo.
While he was doing this I said, "well I hope they are mine." I don't think the doctor thought it was funny. He said, "what a thing to say. We have two people there at all times when they handle your embryos." I said," I am just kidding I am just nervous. I have faith in you guys" oops!
So that was it. I stayed there lying down for 10 minutes and when we went in the car I put the seat all the way back and listened to my relaxation CD.
The relaxation CD was given to me by a friend who also went through IVF. Its called, Imagery and Meditations to support In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF)
All new updated version based on customer requests! New music for each track - new scripts for each track - and a brand new track just for the time between Retrieval and Transfer
The imagery contained within this recording is structured to complement an in Vitro Fertilization cycle. The recording contains specific tracks for use prior to retrieval, post-transfer, and post-implantation. The imagery makes use of the body-mind connection to help augment your body's natural abilities at each stage of your cycle as well as providing a long-term sense of peace, control and confidence.
Here is where you can purchase it.
http://www.anjionline.com/index.html
Under, Infertility Meditation Cd's on the right hand side.
I plan on listening to the CD every day and night to support me in the 2 week wait. For the next couple of days my instructions are to be a couch potato, which is hard for me, but I know its is the best thing I can do for my little embryos.
So I have to wait till the 30th to get my betas. I am wishing and praying all goes well.
So we went to the clinic and I was very nervous for some reason. The doctor came in and explained that we only had 2 embryos left. The other two don't look good at all and are breaking down.
He asked if I wanted one in or two and we decided on two. In my mind I am thinking, well if I miscarry one I have another chance with the other. My mind thinking. I didn't say this out loud.
The embryo transfer procedure seems very similar to a Pap smear. There should be no pain involved and no sedation or other drugs are required. They use a moderately full bladder for embryo transfer. This helps in 2 important ways. It allows good ultrasound visualization of the catheter which helps with smooth and proper transfer of the embryos to the best location, and it also unfolds the (anteverted, "tipped up") uterus to a more accommodating angle which makes the process easier and less traumatic for both the endometrial lining and the embryos.
The embryo transfer catheter is loaded with the embryos and the physician passes it through the cervical opening up to the middle of the uterine cavity. Abdominal ultrasound is used simultaneously to watch the catheter tip advance to the proper location. It is sometimes difficult to keep the tip of the catheter in the exact plane of the ultrasound beam at all times - but it is very important to control the proper placement of the embryos. When the catheter tip reaches the ideal location, the embryos are then "transferred" (squirted out of the catheter) to the lining of the uterine cavity. After the embryos are transferred, the catheter is slowly withdrawn and checked under a microscope for any retained embryos. If any embryo is retained in the catheter (uncommon) the transfer procedure is repeated immediately and the catheter is checked again for a retained embryo.
While he was doing this I said, "well I hope they are mine." I don't think the doctor thought it was funny. He said, "what a thing to say. We have two people there at all times when they handle your embryos." I said," I am just kidding I am just nervous. I have faith in you guys" oops!
So that was it. I stayed there lying down for 10 minutes and when we went in the car I put the seat all the way back and listened to my relaxation CD.
The relaxation CD was given to me by a friend who also went through IVF. Its called, Imagery and Meditations to support In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF)
All new updated version based on customer requests! New music for each track - new scripts for each track - and a brand new track just for the time between Retrieval and Transfer
The imagery contained within this recording is structured to complement an in Vitro Fertilization cycle. The recording contains specific tracks for use prior to retrieval, post-transfer, and post-implantation. The imagery makes use of the body-mind connection to help augment your body's natural abilities at each stage of your cycle as well as providing a long-term sense of peace, control and confidence.
Here is where you can purchase it.
http://www.anjionline.com/index.html
Under, Infertility Meditation Cd's on the right hand side.
I plan on listening to the CD every day and night to support me in the 2 week wait. For the next couple of days my instructions are to be a couch potato, which is hard for me, but I know its is the best thing I can do for my little embryos.
So I have to wait till the 30th to get my betas. I am wishing and praying all goes well.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Lucky number 7?
I had the egg retrieval this morning. They put an IV in me and gave me saline and antibiotics. When they took me into the room where they do the procedure they gave me something to make me sleepy. What they give you is the same thing they give when you get your wisdom teeth out. Its sometimes called "twilight". So they nurse and doctor were there. "are you feeling sleepy?" Nope. Now? Nope. The nurse then says "ok I got to get to work". Then boom I was out and then I woke up in the recovery room. I felt a little crampy but it was tolerable.
They got 7 eggs. I was a little disappointed because I thought they usually get 15 to 20. I guessit quality of the eggs and not quantity. The doctor said no that is perfect. She said I thought I was only going to get 5 with my estrogen level. They gave me some Tylenol and I came home. I went right to sleep for few hours.
We now have to wait. I call tomorrow and see how many fertilized and when to come back in for the transfer. It will either be Sunday or Monday.
They now have me on estrace and progesterone. Estrace is a pill I will take morning and night and progesterone is a shot in the butt. Again, in the muscle.
I am just laying low today. I still feel a little crampy but feel fine.
They got 7 eggs. I was a little disappointed because I thought they usually get 15 to 20. I guessit quality of the eggs and not quantity. The doctor said no that is perfect. She said I thought I was only going to get 5 with my estrogen level. They gave me some Tylenol and I came home. I went right to sleep for few hours.
We now have to wait. I call tomorrow and see how many fertilized and when to come back in for the transfer. It will either be Sunday or Monday.
They now have me on estrace and progesterone. Estrace is a pill I will take morning and night and progesterone is a shot in the butt. Again, in the muscle.
I am just laying low today. I still feel a little crampy but feel fine.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Ouch my butt!
Last night my husband had to give me the Novarel trigger shot at 10:30 pm so I will be ready for Friday. We watched the video a couple of times and he was like "OK I can do this". There I was standing there over my bed, waiting him to give me the shot and I couldn't stop laughing. I don't know why. He was like "OK ready 1, 2, oh I cant do this". I was like just do it! It didn't hurt at all going in. I actually didn't even feel it.
Today, my butt hurts. I feel like I just did a huge butt workout. Every time I stand it hurts. Its all worth it. I can handle the pain.
Also, today I didn't take any meds this morning and I feel so much better. My bloat has gone down and I just feel more alert. Not as tired as I have been. I feel like a new woman!
I just cant wait for this weekend. I have having the retrieval tomorrow and then the transfer would be either Sunday or Monday. I just feel like I am getting closer to being pregnant. I have so much confidence this will work. I am staying positive. I am taking one day at a time. That's all I can do. I cant think that it might not work, or if it does I will miscarry again. I am taking one day as it comes.
Today, my butt hurts. I feel like I just did a huge butt workout. Every time I stand it hurts. Its all worth it. I can handle the pain.
Also, today I didn't take any meds this morning and I feel so much better. My bloat has gone down and I just feel more alert. Not as tired as I have been. I feel like a new woman!
I just cant wait for this weekend. I have having the retrieval tomorrow and then the transfer would be either Sunday or Monday. I just feel like I am getting closer to being pregnant. I have so much confidence this will work. I am staying positive. I am taking one day at a time. That's all I can do. I cant think that it might not work, or if it does I will miscarry again. I am taking one day as it comes.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
FRIDAY!
The nurse called me today. I am to give the trigger shot of Novarel tonight. This is my husbands big moment. I have been giving myself the shots all along. This one goes in the upper buttocks so I cant give it to myself. My husband is a little squeamish when it comes to shots, but he is going to have to get over it.
Novarel is the HCG. This will make my ovaries ovulate. You ovulate 36 hours after the injection. The nurse gave me a specific time to inject it so I will be ready for the egg retrieval on Friday morning.
Tomorrow I dont take anything. No shots at all. I get a break!
Friday morning my husband and I go to the clinic and he gives his sample and I get sedated and they extract me eggs.
All these weeks of pain from shots, side effects for the meds, and just nervousness, comes down to this day.
We are almost there.
Novarel is the HCG. This will make my ovaries ovulate. You ovulate 36 hours after the injection. The nurse gave me a specific time to inject it so I will be ready for the egg retrieval on Friday morning.
Tomorrow I dont take anything. No shots at all. I get a break!
Friday morning my husband and I go to the clinic and he gives his sample and I get sedated and they extract me eggs.
All these weeks of pain from shots, side effects for the meds, and just nervousness, comes down to this day.
We are almost there.
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