The Perfect Match

Great podcast and book!

2012-01-19T10:24:00.002-05:00

I wanted to share with you a great podcast and website I found on dealing with infertility and adoption. I love listening to the podcast in my rides to and from work. This website also has great resources on how to find a therapist in your area that deals with infertility and also how to find a reproductive endocrinologist (RE).

http://www.creatingafamily.org/

http://www.creatingafamily.org/radioshow.html

In one of the podcast she was interviewing a woman who wrote and book called Fully Fertile. She is also co founder of Pulling Down the Moon. Another great website as well.
I received the book last night and I am enjoying it. It really explains how yoga can be helpful and eating right as well. I have been working on my fertility yoga that I have mentioned in the past. Although I have been eating right since pregnancy and after I have been more conscious on what goes in my body and my sons body as well.

http://www.pullingdownthemoon.com/

Another aspect I am doing again is meditation. I have talked about this as well in the past. I did continue through pregnancy but have not practiced in a while. I am coming back to that now.
I found great meditations also on podcasts.

http://www.learnoutloud.com/Podcast-Directory/Self-Development/Prayer-and-Meditation/Meditation-Station-Podcast/18820

I enjoy the morning kicker in the morning and the ZZZZ one before I go to sleep.

I hope these help you. I know they are helping me. Infertility is hard journey to endure. I hope these make it a little easier.

Here we go again

2012-01-11T12:20:00.002-05:00

Hello Everyone!
I am sorry I have been such a bad blogger. Luca keeps me very busy.He has turned into a little comedian and there is a never a dull moment in our house. He is so smart, says about 30 words. We just had his 15 month appointment and he is in the 50th percentile for weight and 97th for height!
I am still breastfeeding, just morning and night. I love it. I love the feeling of being so close to him.
We are trying for number two and we have been for a while. I did see my RE in November and we were all set to do IVF again. I had to stop breastfeeding because of the medications. I called up 1 week before I was supposed to start Lupron and said I needed to cancel it. I couldn't bring myself to stop breastfeeding. I wasn't ready and he wasn't either. He gets very excited when he nurses.
I gave myself a goal. If I don't get pregnant by April I will see my RE again. Luca will be a year and half.
Although I have to admit, it tough and a huge disappointment every month I don't get pregnant. I am trying to stay positive but its so hard. I do question myself if that was the right decision I made. But I think I am doing what is right for my son right now.
I used to see people with a child and think, what do you have to be sad about you already have a child. Your lucky!
I have learned, infertility at anytime, whether you have a child already or not, its still hard to deal with.

Thanksgiving tips and a great recipe!

2011-11-21T13:43:00.004-05:00

I teach a muscle class on Saturday mornings and I also write a monthly newsletter. I sent this out as a special bonus to the members to help them this Thanksgiving and weekend. I thought I would share this with you.

Suzanne’s Healthy Thanksgiving Tips

Thanksgiving means family fun with all near and dears ones and it also means eating all sorts of lavish food and sweets. A Thanksgiving meal can consist of 2000 - 4000 calories! So here are some tips on how to avoid overeating on Thanksgiving. These tips will not stop you from having Thanksgiving fun or resisting yourself from those delicious and mouthwatering dishes but will simply help you to avoid Thanksgiving weight gain by taking simple precautions.

- Have a small meal before going to the Thanksgiving lunch/dinner-If you stave yourself the whole day before going for a Thanksgiving dinner then you are going to have more food that means more calories intake. Don’t forget to have a healthy breakfast!
-Drink smart-Before having your main meal drink two to three glasses of water, which will occupy some space in your stomach and will help you to eat less. If you drink alcohol, save those calories for a glass of wine with the meal. Skip the high-calorie, high-fat eggnog this year.
- Eat Slowly- Eat slowly and savor every bite. Give the food a chance to let you feel the satisfying feeling of fullness.
-Mentally add the calories you are having- You are not about to break out a food journal at the table, so try to mentally add up the calories in your head.
-Nothing like the fresh salad-Load up on salad. Salad is an amazing source of minerals, fibers and other nutrition. At the same time, it controls your appetite to consume heavy Thanksgiving meals. Remember, have a little dressing on the side or oil and vinegar.
-Limit yourself to one plate serving- Know your serving sizes and do not go for seconds! Pick baked sweet potatoes, steamed vegetables, and skinless white meat of turkey. Have a small taste like one or two bites of high fat foods like stuffing.
-Go for the roasted turkey-Turkey is a good source for a lot of minerals including zinc and potassium. Enjoy the turkey breast, which has limited calories and is tasty. Deep Fried turkey is full of calories so go for healthy roasted or baked turkeys.
- Keep yourself busy-After you had your meal, step away from the table, you are more prone to graze and eat mindlessly while sitting there. Help clean up, wash dishes, or play with the kids.
-Enjoy a small serving of dessert- Choose pumpkin over pecan pie and save a few hundred calories. Eat just the filling to take in fewer additional calories and limit trans fats. Make rules with yourself. Only have 1 sliver of dessert.
-Do not forget to exercise! Enjoy exercise in the morning. Go for a walk, run, put in an exercise DVD, look to see if your town has a Turkey Trot.
-Black Friday workout! If you are planning on shopping on Friday, put on your sneakers! Park far away from the mall and walk to it. When you are loaded with bags you will burn more calories walking back as well. Think of good form as well. Belly tight, chest lifted, squeeze your butt and shoulders back!

- Saturday Workout! Come to Elle-Fit Studio on Saturday November 26th and let us help you burn and work off those calories!
8:30 am: Workin Off That Turkey -Muscle Pump w/Suzanne
9:30 am: Dancin off the Desserts- Zumba w/Jill

Healthy Recipe!
I found this recipe in my November issue of Health magazine. I made it and it was delicious! I didn’t use the pumpkin seeds, simply because I did not have them and I had no clue what cardamom was, so I used pumpkin spice instead. At less than 200 calories a slice, serve this loaf as a figure-friendly alternative to pumpkin pie.

Pumpkin-Chai Quickbread
Prep: 10 minutes; Cook: 60 minutes; Total time: 1 hour, 10 minutes.

Ingredients
· Baking spray with flour
· 1 cup all-purpose flour
· 1/2 cup whole-wheat pastry flour
· 2/3 cup sugar
· 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
· 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
· 1/4 teaspoon salt
· 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
· 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
· 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
· 1/8 teaspoon ground cardamom
· 1/8 teaspoon ground allspice
· 2 eggs
· 1 egg white
· 1/2 cup 2% reduced fat milk
· 1/3 cup canola oil
· 1 cup canned pumpkin purée
· 1 tablespoon pumpkin seeds
Preparation
1. Preheat oven to 350°. Coat a 9- x 5-inch loaf pan with baking spray.
2. Combine all dry ingredients (through allspice) in a large bowl.
3. Whisk eggs, egg white, milk, oil, and pumpkin in a medium bowl until thoroughly blended. Add wet ingredients to the dry ingredients, stirring until just blended. Spread batter into the prepared pan. Sprinkle pumpkin seeds on top.
4. Bake the bread until lightly browned and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean (60 to 65 minutes). Cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack and let cool for 30 minutes or more.

Nutritional Information
Calories: 184
Fat: 7.8g( Sat. 0.9g, Mono 4.4g, Poly 2.1g)
Protein: 4g
Carbohydrates: 25g
Fiber: 2g
Cholesterol: 32mg
Iron: 1mg
Sodium: 128mg
Calcium: 44mg

Luca's Birthday Party!

2011-10-10T15:33:00.009-04:00

We had a blue, green, car, 1st birthday themed party for Luca. It went really well. We cleared out our family room and rented tables and chairs. I used this website for the decorations.

http://www.1stwishes.com/
http://www.1stbirthdayparty.com/sweet-little-cupcake-boy1.html

I got buckets at IParty and bought stickers from Vistaprint with Luca's face and Happy 1st Birthday on theme. I put blue and green wrapped chocolate in them and put them on the tables.

Cupcakes!

Kids table. Lollipops, bubbles, and party hats!

Candy! Green and blue candy, 1st birthday boy mints and m&m's. Used glass jars I got from when my husband gave me flowers through the years and bought a few at Michael's Craft. Lollipops from Michael's. Wooden cars from Michael's. I glued a few to some of the decorations. Stickers from Vistaprint. I had a few invitations that were extras, I cut them and put them in the glass jars.

Pinata! Luca's outfit from The Wooden Soldier. I actually got it for Easter but it was too big. Weather was in the 70's! It worked out perfectly! We had a great time. Happy Birthday our sweet baby boy!!!

Luca is One!!

2011-10-07T08:18:00.004-04:00

My sweet baby boy is 1! I can't believe how fast this year went. He amazes me everyday. He has brought us so much happiness. My husband and I everyday just say "he is awesome". We love him so much. I never thought I could be this happy. I am truly blessed to be Luca's mom.

Luca loves books and he is a boys boy. He loves cars and trucks. Anything with wheels is "A CAR!!". He loves to push his truck around the house and say "broom broom!".

Happy 1st Birthday LUCA!!!

Sing You Home by Jodi Picoult-It still hurts.

2011-09-29T14:10:00.005-04:00

As many of you might not know, I love to read. I actually do alot of books on cd's. While I drive to work I listen to many books. This one book I just finished, Sing You Home,was very good. But it left me bawling my eyes out sometimes. As the main character talks about miscarriages, going through infertility issues, IVF, etc. I found myself still raw with emotion about my own past of miscarriages and infertility. The pain does not go away because I have a son. Those years were the worst years of my life. My heart goes out to the many people who battle infertility and miscarriages. Its unfair and heartbreaking. My son is my miracle baby and I look at him every night sleeping and think how lucky and thankful I am to have him in our lives.
We are trying for another baby. As each month passes, I do still feel disappointment that I didn't get pregnant. Its sad to say this, I feel guilty even thinking it, I should just be happy with him, but it still hurts getting my period every month. I want to give Luca a brother or sister. I have to admit the pain is lesser than it was before I had my son but it still hurts. I am giving myself a few more months and I will be contacting my RE again. I just want to make sure all is ok and if I need to go through IVF again, I will, in a second. It was the best thing I ever did. I often think about my miscarriages and how I mend my heart I say. "They weren't Luca. God wanted me to have Luca.I was meant to be Luca's mom."

Here is the synopsis of Sing You Home:
Zoe Baxter has spent ten years trying to get pregnant, and after multiple miscarriages and infertility issues, it looks like her dream is about to come true – she is seven months pregnant. But a terrible turn of events leads to a nightmare – one that takes away the baby she has already fallen for; and breaks apart her marriage to Max.

In the aftermath, she throws herself into her career as a music therapist – using music clinically to soothe burn victims in a hospital; to help Alzheimer’s patients connect with the present; to provide solace for hospice patients. When Vanessa – a guidance counselor -- asks her to work with a suicidal teen, their relationship moves from business to friendship and then, to Zoe’s surprise, blossoms into love. When Zoe allows herself to start thinking of having a family, again, she remembers that there are still frozen embryos that were never used by herself and Max.

Meanwhile, Max has found peace at the bottom of a bottle – until he is redeemed by an evangelical church, whose charismatic pastor – Clive Lincoln – has vowed to fight the “homosexual agenda” that has threatened traditional family values in America. But this mission becomes personal for Max, when Zoe and her same-sex partner say they want permission to raise his unborn child.

SING YOU HOME explores what it means to be gay in today’s world, and how reproductive science has outstripped the legal system. Are embryos people or property? What challenges do same-sex couples face when it comes to marriage and adoption? What happens when religion and sexual orientation – two issues that are supposed to be justice-blind – enter the courtroom? And most importantly, what constitutes a “traditional family” in today’s day and age?

Happiness

2011-08-29T10:21:00.006-04:00

This is what true happiness looks like. A few weeks ago I had some pictures taken by my brother. As you can see Luca loves to give me kisses. He truly makes me laugh everyday. They a picture is worth a thousand words. My brother caught my true emotions. Looking back on the last few years, I never dreamed I could be this happy. I only dreamed of having my baby in my arms. Through all the sadness, depression,disappointment and anger I never saw that I will have real happiness. I had faith that I will be a mom but I never really knew I would ever be this happy.

What's Luca up to?

I stopped pumping at work. WOO HOO! He is now only breastfeeding morning and night and when I am home, I only work 3 days a week, he will breastfeed during the day. I love our night feedings on days I work especially. I really get to reconnect with him and feel so close. I am glad I stuck with it. In the beginning it was hard. I didn't have alot of milk and needed to substitute with formula at a few weeks old. He then developed a dairy allergy. I had to stop eating dairy. It was tough in the beginning but kept with it. Now at almost 11 months he eats everything now. I slowly introduced dairy back in my diet and his and I am happy to report he grew out of it or never really had it to begin with. This happened with my niece as well. His favorite foods are raviolis, lasagna, and pasta and meatballs. My true Italian boy!

He is sleeping incredible at night. Thank you Dr. Ferber. The best thing I ever did. About a month ago we did the sleep training on him. I wrote a blog about that. Well I am happy to report he is still doing great with it. I put him down to sleep at night usually at 7- 7:30 pm and just smiles at me and goes to sleep. He does not wake up at night. If he does he does not cry. He will play with his Elmo and bear in his crib and go back to sleep. He will wake up at around 6-6:30 am.

He is cruising around with his awesome walker. We got him the Fisher-Price Stride to Ride Dinosaur. He loves it. I figured he would have it a long time. He can ride it later. He flies around the house with it. A huge smile on his face so proud of himself.

http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2341&e=detail&pcat=gobabygo&pid=54763

He says a few words now too.

"Mamma", "dadda", "papa", "nana", "whats that?", he points to the light and will say"La"(light), "ca"(car), "uck"(truck). He plays peek a boo and dances when he hears music.

His favorite book is Good Night Gorilla. He gets so excited and laughs when I take it down from the shelf. We read that every night!

His favorite songs are, "If your happy and you know it" and his all time favorite since he was a newborn is the "Ants go Marching". He can be crying when I put him in his car seat and I put these songs on and he claps his hands, dances and moves his head back and forth. Sometimes we listen to them over and over if its a long car ride home :)

And lastly he loves the stairs. I didn't have them blocked off because I didn't think he knew how to go up them. Well about a month ago I found him on the second step. I said "OK you want to go up?". He went up the whole set of stairs. All 13 of them so fast. Like he had been doing it all along. It totally amazed me. How did he know to do that? Now the gate is constantly there. He is fast and when he is quiet, look out. He is doing something he shouldn't be.

I am truly enjoying motherhood. Time for another one you say? We are definitely trying. On our own this time. We will try for about 6 months and if nothing I will see my RE again. It will be nice to give Luca a friend. A part of me is so happy with just him but I don't that will be fair for him. I feel so lucky to have him but another part of me really wants to be pregnant again. Maybe really enjoy it this time without being so petrified and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel so blessed I think anything is possible. I have truly found happiness.

Life

2011-08-18T10:53:00.002-04:00

Faith

2011-08-17T14:40:00.003-04:00

I have had a few people reach out to me and email me. They came across my blog and wanted to share their story with me. I cant tell you how that makes me feel. This is the reason why I wrote this blog to begin with. I wanted to let people know, you are not alone, this is what happened, it will all work out in the end. Don't give up and have faith. Also when I was going through everything, I didn't have a place where I could read to see what will happen or what works. I wanted that for people. I wanted to say to whoever reads, please keep the faith. I am a firm believer if you want something, you have to believe and make it happen.

Ever since I can remember I wanted to be a mother. I wasn't into having a huge career. I just wanted to be a mother. I was not going to give up. I would of done anything to have that happen.

Now I have this miracle baby boy who I am so in love with. He makes my day when I come in his room in the morning and he dances and gets so excited when he sees me. He cant wait for me to pick him up. He just hugs me so tight or at night when I breastfeed him I just think I used to dream of doing this. I hold him in my arms and I think, it was all worth it. I was waiting for you for a long time. You were so worth the wait.

I had faith that this day would come. I think I am a better mother for it all. I feel every day with him is so special and I don't take one day for granted. He is so healthy, smart, and his motor skills are so incredible. He amazes me every day.

I want to say to you all, please have faith. Don't give up hope. You will be mothers. You will hold your sweet baby in your arms. You will hold the baby you dreamed of and waited for.

Please feel free to email me. I am always here to answer questions you have.

Sleep training- Its actually works!

2011-07-26T19:50:00.002-04:00

Who knew!

I got in a very bad habit of rocking and nursing Luca to sleep. Some nights it took a good hour and half to get him to sleep. He would fall asleep in my arms and I would carefully put him down but he would wake up. I had to start all over again. Then when I finally got him down I would tip toe out of his room. Sometimes he woke up and then I had to rock him again. Then in the middle of the night he would cry and I would bring him in bed with me. I would nurse him and just leave him in there. Then he would wake up at 4:30 am because he heard my husband leave for work. It was starting to really take a toll on me. I had to do something.
I started the sleep training. Letting him cry himself to sleep. I tried it before and just couldn't do it. This time I was determined.
The say to do the ritual, bath, book, feed, bed. We do it every night.
So the first night I nursed him, put him down awake and left the room and shut the door. He cried for about an hour. It was heart wrenching but knew I had to do it. I went in every so often to say, "Its ok, its night night time, I love you".
He fell asleep! He woke up in the middle of the night and I did not get him. He fell back to sleep. He woke up at 7am!
Second night, same thing. Nursed him, put him to bed awake and left the room with the door closed. He cried for about 20 minutes. Again he woke up in the middle of the night and I didn't get him. He fell back to sleep and woke up at 7am!
Third night, it took him 5 minutes to fall asleep! Whoo hoo!
I guess this thing really works!
I also used it on his nap today. He cried for about 10 minutes.
We are moving in the right direction.
Here is some information on it.
Good luck and have a good night sleep!

http://www.sleep-baby-sleep.com/ferber-method.htm

Its been a while and some advice of products for moms to be.

2011-02-17T15:38:00.005-05:00

Well its been a while. I have been busy being a mom to my amazing baby boy. He is truly a gift and I love being a mom more that I ever imagined. He is such a great baby. I am back to work but only for 3 days a week.

I thought I would list the things I really use to help moms to be choose products and also things that I thought were a waste. Also, I did alot of research when I was picking these products. I read Baby Bargains and Consumer Reports, both books I highly recommend getting.

First off, please don't stress out to get the nursery done. If you don't have it done, don't worry about it. Your baby is not going to know that his/her bedroom isn't completed. Plus the baby is in the bassinet in your room in the beginning. Our furniture was being delivered when I was in labor! I had a changing table which I highly recommend (Sorelle Nikki Changing table) and a bassinet (Badger) so I was not to worried. I love having a changing table instead of using the bureau because I don't have to bend to change the baby. The changing table is higher than the bureau. Also, it has open shelves to I just grab what I need.
We didn't know what I was having, so I had a girl bedding and a boy bedding picked out. We painted the nursery Garland Green from Benjamin Moore. I ended up getting the Jungle Friends Nursery bedding from Pottery Barn Kids. I then put blue accents in the nursery. It came out great. I love the bedding. Great quality. I would highly recommend them for bedding.
Our furniture is Munire Bristoll: I got this furniture in white. I would recommend the furniture,but not in white. I guess because of the heat wood expands, then the paint cracks because they use paint that is safe for the baby. It shows up more in white furniture. If I had known this I would of purchased the cherry color.

Speaking of changing the diaper, I love Prince Lionheart Wipes Warmer. I heard people say this was a waste, but I really like it. Those wipes can be very cold on baby's bottom.

Diaper Genie Elite: A must! Those diapers can get smelly!

Boppy Infant Feeding Pillow-Heirloom Luxe Lamb: To be honest I don't use this anymore. I found it helpful in the beginning when I was learning to breastfeed. Also it has pockets and I used to put his pacifier and burp cloth in it. I plan on taking this out so he can sit against it.

Fisher-Price Papasan Cradle Swing: My son loved this! He took many naps in this when he was a newborn. I would recommend getting this.

Tiny Love Gymini: Super Deluxe Lights & Music Play Mat: This is a must! My son loves this so much. He just goes crazy when I put him down on this mat. Also, there is a mirror and he loves to look at himself.

Fisher-Price Precious Planet Happy Giraffe Bouncer: A total must! He loves it! This is such a life saver. I put him in it when I take a shower and put him in the bathroom with me. I also put him in it in the kitchen to make dinner or eat. I also put him in when I put an Einstein DVD on for him. He just loves it.

Baby Einstein Discovery Center: I just put him in this. He loves it so far. I have 6 nieces and 2 nephews and they all loved this. A must get!

Fisher-Price Aquarium Bath Center: I love this bath! It has a newborn sling which is great. I did however get a thermometer which was really a waste because the bathtub has a thermometer on it that has a smiley face when the water is just right and a sad face if its too cold or hot.

Skip Hop Duo Double Deluxe Diaper Bag: Ok so this bag is for if you have twins but I love it. My sister in law has the single one and its just so small! Now she has two kids and she cant fit anything in it. I have plenty of room in this bag.

Chicco KeyFit 30 Infant Seat: I love this car seat. My son seems to love it too. Every time I put him in it and in the car he falls asleep.

UppaBaby Vista Jake Stoller: Can I tell you this is the best stroller! In the beginning I had it in my house and used the bassinet part of it and wheeled him around the house when he was a newborn. He loved it. Now I always have it in my trunk and got the car seat adapter for it. I was going to get the snap and go but when I went to go see it I thought it was very flimsy. I just put the car seat in the adapter and go!

Kolcraft Jeep Liberty Stroller: This is what I use when I walk outside. In the beginning when he was first born, I would put him in his car seat and put the car seat in the stroller. No adapter needed. It rides great and its not too expensive.

JJ Cole Infant Bundle Me: Best invention ever made. My son is so nice and warm in there. No need for heavy sweaters or jackets. I just put him in there and he is nice and warm.

Breast pump-Medela Pump in Style: I strongly suggest you not purchase this before the baby is born. Here is my story. I didn't have alot of milk in the beginning. The baby was not gaining as much as he should. My baby would suck and then fall asleep. The pediatrician said I needed to pump to make more milk and then give the baby a bottle twice a day. I got a prescription for the breast pump. My insurance covered it. I have a cousin who did not have milk and she couldn't breastfeed. My point is, you don't know what will happen. Breast pumps are very expensive. Just wait and see if one, breast feeding is for you, you are able to do it, or your pediatrician might be able to write you out a prescription if you need it.

Baby Bjorn Carrier: Total waste in my opinion. My son does not like it and I just don't use it. I know many people that do but he never took to it and frankly I rather just hold him.

Swaddlers: I got about 5 swaddlers. People told me they were a must. My son was in them for 2 nights. He hated to be swaddled. He kicked himself out of them. He loves to have his arms free. He touches his head and face. It soothes him. (He always did that even in utero). Some babies don't like to be swaddled. He slept great. I would suggest maybe getting one to try it out.

I hope this helps you out. Please feel free to email me with any questions.

Welcome Luca Salvatore!

2010-10-09T11:41:00.002-04:00

I am so happy to announce that Luca Salvatore came into our lives on 10/6/10 at 1:43 pm.

On the 5th I was having period like cramps all day and just feeling crummy. At night I forced myself to have dinner but all night I was up feeling the need to go to the bathroom. I felt so sick. Just like a stomach bug. Well then around 2 am I started to have contractions. I wasn't sure at first and then they got regular. 20 min apart. I went to my husband and said I think I am in labor. He said are you kidding? I was like no I think I am. I wrote down the times 20 min apart then 10 then 5, then back to 10, then 7, then 5. at around 6am I called the doctor. We waited for the doctor to call back and the covering doctor said to come in and lets have a look. so 6:15 we are on 93 in traffic on out way to the hospital. They were bearable but painful and still 5 min apart and sometimes 3 min.

When we got there, I was only 1 cm dilated, and 90% effaced. The nurse said well I might not keep you. Are you kidding? She hooked me up to the machine and the baby's heart rate was dipping when I had a contraction. She talked to my doctor and when she came back in the room she said well your staying and your doctor wants you on pitocin and ordered an epidural. I said well I don't think I was an epidural. She said are you kidding? why? Well after a few more contractions I said "I'll take that epidoral now". all along I am telling my husband that I think I cant do this again. I think one baby is enough.
Once I got it Oh my god! Amazing! weird because you feel nothing and cant move your legs. I told my husband oh I can have 10 kids. this is great! I guess my contractions came very very close but I didn't feel a thing!
I got the pitocin at around 11am, At about 1 I said I think my water broke. It was like a little pop. The nurse check me and she was like Yep and you are fully dilated. we need to call the doctor in.
OMG! it was so surreal. this was it. all this time I was going to meet my baby.
Doctor came in at about 1:15. I started pushing, 3 contractions, 3 pushes each and he was out!!
the doctor said its a boy. I said really? I thought for sure it was a girl. but my god I couldn't stop crying and they gave him to me right away. It was the most amazing thing in the world. To finally hold your baby. It was just overwhelming.

He was 7 lbs 11 oz and 21 inches long. He is such a great baby. I cant tell you how in love I am. I wonder what we did without him. For all we went through to get here, I finally have my miracle in my arms.

Luca means the bringer of light, and that's what he did. I knew I always saw the light at the end of tunnel that we went through and now I have him in my arms.
He brought us the light into our lives, hearts, and souls.

Week 39- We are almost there!

2010-10-03T10:53:00.002-04:00

What is Baby S up to?

Baby's crown-to-rump length at this time is approximately 14.4 inches and the total length is approximately 21.5 inches. The average baby weighs a little more than 7 pounds now and is preparing for birth. You are probably as big as you are going to get and may be uncomfortable now. Most women gain between 25 and 35 pounds during their pregnancy. Your uterus is about 7-8 inches above your bellybutton now.

Although your baby continues to grow and develop inside of your uterus, there is not much room for him to move about. All of your baby's organ systems are now complete and the lungs were the last to fully mature.

If you are uncomfortable with your pregnancy at this time, you are not alone. Most women are ready to deliver their babies. It would be very unusual for you to not be uncomfortable at this time. Your uterus has grown a lot and now fills your entire pelvis and abdomen. Try not to ask your doctor to induce you, unless it is medically necessary. Your cervix is ripening in preparation for delivery and your bladder is under a lot of pressure. You may feel nervous about the upcoming labor. You will know when you are in labor because contractions will get worse when you move around and they will also get stronger and more frequent. Other signs of labor are the breaking of your water or a bloody show as the mucus that plugged your cervix becomes dislodged.

Most of the lanugo on your baby should be gone by now. Your baby still may have some on his shoulders and in the creases of his body. Your baby's toenails have reached the end of his toes. The umbilical cord is about a half inch thick and may be wrapped around him. The umbilical cord still supplies the baby with nutrients that he needs. After delivery, your baby's umbilical cord will be clamped and cut. After it is cut, he will be an independent human being and must perform all of his body functions on his own. Your baby will get antibodies from your body that give his immune system a boost.

I can't believe how close I am to being a mommy. I have dreamed about this for as long as I can remember. I just can't wait to hold my sweet baby in my arms and finally meet him/her.
Almost 13 years ago I became an aunt. A title and role that I have always cherished and adored. I have felt so blessed to be the aunt of the most amazing 6 nieces and 2 nephews. I cant believe that in about a week, I will have the role I have wished for, prayed for and hope for. In 7 days I will be a MOTHER!

Week 38- We are so close!

2010-09-27T10:37:00.003-04:00

What is Baby S up to?

Your baby has really plumped up. She weighs about 6.8 pounds and she's over 19 1/2 inches long. She has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold her hand for the first time! Her organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb.

Wondering what color your baby's eyes will be? You may not be able to tell right away. If she's born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If she's born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time she's 9 months old. That's because a child's irises (the colored part of the eye) may gain more pigment in the months after she's born, but they usually won't get "lighter" or more blue. (Green, hazel, and brown eyes have more pigment than gray or blue eyes.)

This weekend nesting was in full swing! I washed all the baby's clothes. I used Dreft. I love the smell of it. It smells what baby clothes should smell like. My husband put together the changing table, bouncy seat, swing, pack in play, car seat is installed in the car, bags are packed and bassinet is all put together. We are all set. We just have to wait for Baby S to arrive!

We are still waiting on the other furniture to come. The crib, bureau and chest. They said it will come in 10-12 weeks. This is week 11, so I am hoping it comes within the week.

I cant tell you how excited I am. I cant wait to have this sweet baby in my arms. We just have 2 more weeks!

Week 37

2010-09-20T11:08:00.004-04:00

Whats Baby S up to?

At week 37, your pregnancy is considered full term, meaning baby is likely to thrive after birth. Baby spends these last weeks in preparation for the outside world… meaning careful refinement of the blink, suck, inhale and exhale. Meconium, which you’ll probably find in the first diaper, is accumulating in the intestines. If (okay, as) you worry about giving birth, consider what it’s like for the little one. During the journey out of your womb, baby will produce more stress hormones than any other time in life.

Last week we had an appointment with the Fetal-Maternal Specialist. My doctor just wanted a second opinion. The head is still larger than the belly. But the belly is measuring where it should so the doctor agrees with my doctor and Baby S just has a big head :) I was so relieved with that news. I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop and I was scared that it would. But all looks perfect. Baby S last week was 6 pounds 13 oz. So if I go to term we are looking at an 8 pound baby.

I am pretty much all ready for the baby to come. Well I have everything bought. We still haven't put the nursery together yet. My husband has been busy painting and Friday we are having the rugs cleaned. Saturday I will be putting everything together and washing all the clothes.

I cant believe I will be mommy soon.
3 more weeks! I cant wait to have Baby S in my arms!

Interesting Fact:

I was reading my What to Expect When You Are Expecting and they said, "according to researchers, who found that 3rd trimester fetuses show crying behaviors -quivering chin , open mouth, deep inhalations and exhalations, and startle responses -when a loud noise and vibrations were sounded near the moms belly. Its known that crying reflex is well developed even in premature infants..."

I also found this video. I found this very interesting and always wondered this. If a baby cries when it first comes into life, why wouldn't it cry in the womb. I cant wait to hold my sweet baby and try to sooth every cry he/she makes.

http://dsc.discovery.com/news/media/fetalcryingvideo.html

Week 36

2010-09-13T14:33:00.003-04:00

What is Baby S up to?
Your baby is still packing on the pounds, at the rate of about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement.

At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely she's in a head-down position. But if she isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an "external cephalic version," which is a fancy way of saying she'll try to coax your baby into a head-down position by manipulating her from the outside of your belly.

Not much new to report. We are just getting ready for little one to arrive. I can't wait! We still have alot to do. The baby's furniture still hasn't arrived yet. Yikes!
I cant believe we have 28 more days!

4 weeks left until Baby S arrives!

Week 35- We bought a family car!

2010-09-08T13:47:00.005-04:00

What is Baby S up to this week?
Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds. Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete,he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.
Your uterus,which was entirely tucked away inside your pelvis when you conceived now reaches up under your rib cage. If you could peek inside your womb, you'd see that there's more baby than amniotic fluid in there now. Your ballooning uterus is crowding your other internal organs, too, which is why you probably have to urinate more often and may be dealing with heartburn and other gastrointestinal distress. If you're not grappling with these annoyances, you're one of the lucky few.

Well, we bought a family car. I am so ready for the baby come now. I sold my 2 door Toyota Solara and we bought a 2011 Toyota Camry. I cant wait to put the car seat in it.

Last weekend I had major nesting. I couldn't get my house clean enough. I did all the woodwork in the house. I just kept thinking that a new baby is going to be here. Every week we have something to do. Finish the painting in the house, get carpets cleaned, etc. We are very busy preparing.

I look at the baby stuff we have and cant believe its for MY baby. The stroller, car seat, baby necessities are in my living room. I never imagined that I would ever have baby stuff in my house. With all we went through I never thought it was possible.

This is real now. I will be a mommy.

32 more days to go!

Week 34- 42 more days!

2010-08-30T16:28:00.006-04:00

Whats Baby S up to?
Your baby now weighs about 5 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers, which will help regulate her body temperature once she's born, are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

We had a growth ultrasound last week. Baby is about 5 lbs and is in the 48 percentile. They did notice that the baby's belly was a little small. They will have to watch it and I will have another ultrasound next week and see if it grew. If it doesn't I will have to see a fetal maternal specialist. They will then make sure the kidneys, etc are working OK. I am praying that it was just the way the baby was laying and the tech just didn't get a good look. I am crossing my fingers. I know in my heart everything will be fine. I also had a non stress test because I am 35. I will be having one every 2 weeks also until I deliver. This is to make sure the baby can handle going down the birth canal. They just hooked me up to a monitor and monitored the baby's heartbeat. Here are a few photos of our little one. I cant wait to hold the baby and kiss its sweet face.

Just 6 more weeks to go!

Week 33- 8 Months pregnant!

2010-08-23T10:09:00.007-04:00

What's Baby S up to?
Baby’s senses are continuing to improve, when light peeks in through your (extremely) stretched belly, those tiny eyelids and irises blink and dilate. And, baby can now recognize and react to simple songs… time to start practicing your lullabies! Growth (at least inside your womb) is starting to slow, and you may notice baby descend into your pelvis at the end of this month.
This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a cone head-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.

We are still working on the nursery. I can feel my nesting coming into play. I just want to clean and get things all done for little ones arrival. My husband painted the nursery last night. I love the color. We used Benjamin Moore's, garland green. I will post pictures when it is completed.

Thursday I have an OB appointment and I cant wait! I am having an ultrasound to see how big the baby is. I am also have a non stress test. I just cant wait to see my sweet little one. I have a feeling he/she is a good size.

Here is a picture of my 33 week bump!

7 more weeks to go or 49 more days! We are almost there!

Week 32- 8 more weeks!

2010-08-16T10:50:00.002-04:00

What's Baby S up to?

By now, your baby weighs 4 pounds and is about 17 inches long, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. In fact, she'll gain a third to half of her birth weight during the next 7 weeks as she fattens up for survival outside the womb. She now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). Her skin is becoming soft and smooth as she plumps up in preparation for birth.

To accommodate you and your baby's growing needs, your blood volume has increased 40 to 50 percent since you got pregnant. With your uterus pushing up near your diaphragm and crowding your stomach, the consequences may be shortness of breath and heartburn. To help relieve your discomfort, try sleeping propped up with pillows and eating smaller meals more often.

You may have lower back pain as your pregnancy advances. If you do, let your caregiver know right away, particularly if you haven't had back pain before, since it can be a sign of pre term labor.

Assuming it's not pre term labor that's ailing you, you can probably blame your growing uterus and hormonal changes for your aching back. Your expanding uterus shifts your center of gravity and stretches out and weakens your abdominal muscles, changing your posture and putting a strain on your back. Hormonal changes in pregnancy loosen your joints and the ligaments that attach your pelvic bones to your spine. This can make you feel less stable and cause pain when you walk, stand, sit for long periods, roll over in bed, get out of a low chair or the tub, bend, or lift things.

What's going on with me?

Still feeling very antsy and nervous. I feel like I have so much to do and little time to do it in. My husband is painting the nursery and he has other painting jobs I want done before the baby comes.

We still have to buy alot of stuff. Actually everything. I am not having a shower. My family does not do one. So we have alot of stuff to buy. Also I am trying to sell my car so we can purchase a family car. My car is a two door and I just want a 4 door. Its getting very stressful that I haven't sold it yet.

I am feeling rather stresses out. I am trying not to but as the weeks so by, my excitement grows but also my nervousness rises too. So much to do in so little time.

8 more weeks to go... that's only 56 more days to go!

Week 31-Getting very antsy

2010-08-10T11:44:00.003-04:00

What's Baby S up to this week?
Your not-so-little-one is just a bit closer to their birth weight and height at around 4 pounds and 17 inches. With each added layer of baby fat, your baby's skin starts to look more and more like it will when they finally get to see the light of day. The heavy news: you can expect your miracle-gro muffin to gain about a half a pound of weight per week from now until about two weeks before birth. Great. That's just what you needed. Even more weight to carry around!

Your baby's still-developing immune system has gained substantial strength over the past few weeks getting them in full gear to face our disease-ridden world o’ wonders. Obviously, a large majority of your child’s immune strength will be derived from exposure to breast milk as well as the outside elements. Their cute little noggin’ (which could already be covered with luscious locks or just purty peach fuzz), is still soft because the skull bones have not yet fused together. As much as that sounds a little too vulnerable, their “skull softness” allows for a much smoother passage through the birth canal during labor—something both you and your little swimmer will appreciate when it’s finally time to “go!” Also, some babies will have that “soft spot” on their head for up to one year after birth.

I am getting very antsy this week more than usual. I just cant wait to meet this little one. I feel like we need to get the house in order. My husband just started the nursery last week. It still needs alot of work. It isn't even painted yet. What if I go early? What will happen if I don't sell my car? I need to get a new one. I feel like I am running out of time. I guess these anxieties are normal. Although we only have 2 months to go, I have to think that's its plenty of time to everything done.
I am also feeling more tired. At night after work I just want to lay on my chair and watch TV and then go up to bed at 8pm and read and go to sleep. Sleep though has gotten more difficult. I wake up literally every 2 hours to go to the bathroom but also from not being able to get comfortable. I guess the baby is preparing me to be awake. I am starting the sleep deprivation already. Even before baby is here.

9 more weeks to go!

Week 30- Starting the nursery

2010-08-03T10:57:00.004-04:00

What's Baby S up to?
Your baby's about 15.7 inches long now, and she weighs almost 3 pounds. A pint and a half of amniotic fluid surrounds her, but that volume will decrease as she gets bigger and takes up more room in your uterus. Her eyesight continues to develop, though it's not very keen; even after she's born, she'll keep her eyes closed for a good part of the day. When she does open them, she'll respond to changes in light but will have 20/400 vision, which means she can only make out objects a few inches from her face.

You may be feeling a little tired these days, especially if you're having trouble sleeping. You might also feel clumsier than normal, which is perfectly understandable. Not only are you heavier, but the concentration of weight in your pregnant belly causes a shift in your center of gravity. Plus, thanks to hormonal changes, your ligaments are more lax, so your joints are looser, which may also contribute to your balance being a bit off. Also, this relaxation of your ligaments can actually cause your feet to spread permanently, so you may have to invest in some new shoes in a bigger size.

Remember those mood swings you had earlier in pregnancy? The combination of uncomfortable symptoms and hormonal changes can result in a return of those emotional ups and downs. It's normal to worry about what your labor will be like or whether you'll be a good parent. But if you can't shake the blues or feel increasingly irritable or agitated, talk to your doctor or midwife. You may be among the 1 in 10 expectant women who battle depression during pregnancy. Also let your caregiver know if you're frequently nervous or anxious.

We are starting to do the nursery. It is very exciting. We are going to paint the nursery a green. I decided to wait on the bedding until the baby arrives and we know what it is. I have a girl bedding and boy bedding picked out. I can't wait to put the room together and just wait for this little ones arrival.

I also just purchased a couple of books to prepare me for the baby and what to expect the first year.
I purchased What to Expect, the First Year and BabyFacts.

http://www.babyfacts.com/index.html

I am ready to welcome my sweet little one. 10 more weeks to go!

Week 29- More movement.

2010-07-26T10:27:00.002-04:00

What is Baby S up to?
Baby’s energy is surging, thanks to the formation of white fat deposits beneath the skin. (Have those kicks and jabs to the ribs tipped you off yet?) Baby is also settling into sleep and waking cycles, though, as you’ve also probably noticed,they don’t necessarily coincide with your own. Also this month, all five senses are finally functional, and the brain and nervous system are going through major developments.

Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. His muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and his head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet his increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because his bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of calcium, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day.

I have been feeling more and more movement and I absolutely cherish it. I love to lay down at night and just feel the baby move all around. Sometimes my stomach is distorted and bigger on one side. One night the baby was moving so much he/she was keeping me up. My munchkin must be preparing me for those sleepless nights. The baby is also awake in the morning with me.

I can't wait to meet this little one who is moving inside me.
About 11 more weeks or 76 more days.

Week 28-Some myths

2010-07-20T15:56:00.003-04:00

Whats Baby S up to this week?
· Eyebrows and eyelashes are now very noticeable!
· Hair on baby’s head is growing longer. Some babies are born with almost none at all, while others appear to be ready for their first haircut!
· Eyes are completely formed now. Quite a view from inside!
· Your baby's body is getting plump and rounded. Most of that increase is muscle tissue and bone. Fat will be added during the third trimester.
· Muscle tone is improving. Preparation for the Olympics feels like it is taking place in your womb!
· Lungs are capable of breathing now (but baby would still struggle and require medical attention if born now)
· Talk to your baby often, reading stories, singing songs and more. He or she can recognize your voice now and will often calm to it later on!
· Your baby weighs in now at 2.2 pounds and is 14.8 inches.

Don’t do this. Don't do that. With all the pregnancy "advice" out there, it's hard to know what to believe, or whom to believe. But remember, every pregnancy is different, so follow your doctor's orders above anything else. Here are some myths that I found that can be helpful.

Myth 1: Eat three healthy meals a day
False! You should be eating six or seven small meals (every two to three hours). "Eating frequently and from various food groups will keep your blood sugar in a constant range, which is healthy for you and your baby," says Stuart Fischbein, M.D., coauthor of Fearless Pregnancy. Don't obsess about food and don't diet. What was good for you pre-pregnancy is good for you now. And yes, that includes an ice cream sundae with butterscotch sauce if you so desire.

Myth 2: Decaf only
False! One small cup of coffee a day is perfectly fine. While a recent study at McGill University in Montreal did find that the caffeine in two to three cups of coffee a day increases the risk of miscarriage, it did not consider how the coffee was brewed and the type of coffee used. Dr. Minkin points out that a French blend served black is much stronger than a weak cup of American coffee mixed with milk. It's another controversial subject for sure, but moderate caffeine intake isn't likely to harm you or your baby. The same goes for sodas with a caffeine jolt.
Myth 3: Cut out the cheese
False! Well, you don't have to cut all the cheeses. Some kinds, like cheddar and Swiss, are innocuous because they have been pasteurized. It's the soft, unpasteurized products like Brie, feta, and goat cheese that might carry food-borne illnesses. If you're lucky, the market you frequent will carry pasteurized versions, just start looking at labels more often. And then you can still enjoy your crackers with cheese.

Myth 4: You're eating for two
False! Pregnancy is not a time to pig out. You certainly have a bit more leeway when it comes to a second helping of supper, but on average women need only about 300 extra calories a day.

Myth 5: Say so long to seafood
False! Chances are that if the reputable (and tasty) sushi bar you love so much has not made you sick pre-pregnancy, you are not at risk when you are with-child. Yes, there is a greater risk of ingesting bad kinds of bacteria from raw foods (so you might feel more comfortable with a cooked-shrimp roll), but if you had spicy yellow fin before realizing you were pregnant, no harm done. The dangerous mercury levels, you ask? Again, it's all about moderation. Enjoy tuna on rye once a week, not daily. Not all fish are created equal. When perusing a menu, go with seafood with lower mercury levels, like salmon, shrimp, and tilapia. Unfortunately, swordfish and tilefish have the highest levels of mercury and should be skipped.

Myth 6: You'll have to suffer through sickness
False! Many OTC meds are safe during pregnancy, but somehow women believe they need to put up with migraines and be a slave to the runs. Not so. You should consult your OB/GYN before you take anything, but many experts give the following drugs the green light: Tylenol for headaches and fever; Tums or Mylanta for heartburn; Imodium for diarrhea; Robitussin for colds; and Sudafed or Benadryl for allergies. Many prescription drugs are also okay to continue with during pregnancy, but again, follow your doctor's orders. Herbal supplements and teas are up in the air. Not much research has been done on their effects on fetuses. The kinds you buy in the grocery store are probably safe, but check with your doctor first. If you need to soothe your nerves and want to take the natural route, meditate or eat a piece of chocolate. We prefer the latter.

Myth 7: They'll know you're not a natural blonde!
False! Being pregnant does not have to compromise your appearance (at least not above the belly), but you do need to be smart. Dr. Fischbein says that while there is a theoretical risk associated with coloring your hair (chemicals being absorbed through the scalp), studies have not shown anything conclusive. He recommends avoiding dye for at least the first trimester, when the baby's organs are forming. Relieve worries by opting for a natural vegetable dye over a semipermanent or permanent product, but Dr. Minkin still suggests checking them out with your doctor during the first trimester. Eggplant, anyone?

Myth 8: Exercise is a no-no
False! Clear everything with your OB to be sure, but many docs say that keeping up with mild exercise is just fine. If your pregnancy is sans complications, low-impact workouts can be a great way to control your weight and prep for baby -- just be sure to avoid contact sports or exercises that involve lying on your back (this position can reduce blood flow to your brain and uterus).

Myth 9: Manicures are out
False! You don't need to forgo weekly manis just because you want to be a mommy. "You would need massive and long-term exposure to the products before there was a chance of problems," says Dr. Fischbein. You might get a little nauseous from the fumes with your newfound sensitivity to odors, but if that's the case, make your appointments for less crowded times of the day. Still freaked out about what's in the nail polish itself? If you fear exposure to dibutyl phthalate, a much-debated ingredient in some polishes, look for brands that don't use the stuff like Urban Decay,L'Oreal Jet Set Nail Enamel, and Revlon Nail Enamel.

12 more weeks until I can meet my sweet little one!

27 weeks- We ordered our Baby Furniture!

2010-07-13T11:46:00.002-04:00

Whats Baby S up to?
Your not-so-tiny-anymore brilliant baby(about 2 pounds and 14.5 inches long!) is slowly rotating in preparation to “head out.” Obviously, this doesn’t happen overnight, but when you start to feel an unfamiliar pressure on your cervix, you’ll know you’ve got a fully flipped baby locked and loaded for the countdown to their birthday! Even now, at the beginning of the third trimester, their little lungs are already capable of breathing air while the pulmonary vascular system can provide sufficient gas exchange and the central nervous system can generally regulate rhythmic breathing as well as their basal body temperature. For what it’s worth, at this point in a healthy pregnancy a premature child (with intensive care) could easily win on the show: “Survivor: The Early Years.”

Whats new this week?
Well I guess no news is good news. Thursday I went for the glucose test. The nurse said if she didn't call me all is good. So no call means I passed!
Sunday my mother and I wen to look for baby furniture. We both fell in love with this set. We wanted to get my husbands opinion and he loves it too. Last night we went and ordered it! They said it takes 10 to 12 weeks to come in. I absolutely love it. Its so classic. We did order white. Both boy and girl bedding goes great with it. I cant wait to get the nursery all set up! We are going to paint the nursery a light, calming green.
Things are moving along.
Here is the furniture we picked.

http://www.munirefurniture.com/bristol_01.htm

13 more weeks! I can't wait to hold my little one in my arms and rock on the glider in his/her nursery.

Week 26- Sciatic Pain

2010-07-09T11:23:00.002-04:00

Whats Baby S up to?
Your baby is getting chubby. She weighs about 2 lbs and measures more than 9 inches in length. You're continuing to grow, too, which is a sign that you're both healthy! A pattern similar to life outside the womb is starting to develop. You may notice a distinct wake-sleep cycle, where periods of activity alternate with quiet times on a regular basis. Your baby's senses are coming into full bloom. She can't see yet, but she can hear, taste and feel, and her brainwave patterns are similar to those of a newborn. If your health care provider listens your baby's heartbeat now, he or she may notice a skipped beat, which is a condition known as an arrhythmia. Often this is normal and disappears as the heart matures. If it's still present when you are ready to deliver, a fetal heart rate monitor can detect any signs of distress.

I had my doctor appointment this week and everything is looking good. I had the glucose test. I had to have a light breakfast, drink this wicked sugary drink and then they took my blood an hour later. The drink wasn't that bad. Just very sweet. I wont get those results until Monday. The doctor said everything looked good and I asked about my sciatic pain. He said there isn't much you can do. I told him I cant walk alot but have been swimming alot. He said that was the best thing to do. He said it will get better and then might get worse again.

What exactly is sciatic pain, and how can you alleviate it?
Your sciatic nerve is the largest nerve in your body, providing stimulation and movement to the lower half of your body. The sciatic nerve runs under your uterus to your legs. So it’s easy to see why, when your uterus has grown many times its normal size, it can start pressing on and causing discomfort to your sciatic nerve. Some women describe sciatic nerve pain as a sharp, shooting pain down the back of their legs.

Most of the time the greatest relief you can have from this pain is to lie down on your side and take a load off your back and legs. When possible, lie down on the side opposite the pain – so for example, if you have pain shooting down your right leg, you should lie on your left side. However, that kind of relaxation is not always practical for moms whose job involves a lot of sitting or standing, or moms who are already chasing after little ones at home. If you must stand for a long time, try standing with one foot on the ground and the other foot lifted up and resting on a stool or box. And if you need to sit for a long time, use a donut pillow or a foam support to balance out your weight.
Other ways to relieve the pain include using warm compresses on your lower back or taking a warm bath. You could also wear a Belly Sling or other support system to help alleviate some of the pressure. And of course, even though it may be tempting to put on your favorite set of heels, you should always wear comfortable shoes, particularly if you are having lower back or leg pain.

Swimming is an outstanding exercise for pregnant women and has been known to help relieve sciatic nerve pain. Some women find that prenatal yoga gives them relief and helps them relax more as well. You may also find that a good massage from a licensed prenatal massage therapist can help soothe you and ease your pain. In cases of severe sciatic pain, your health insurance may pay for a physical therapist, who will help you with special exercises to strengthen your abdominal, lower back, and pelvic floor muscles.

With your doctor’s approval, you may also take acetaminophen to relieve the pain, but you only take the absolute minimum that you need, and you should not rely on it as your sole source of pain relief.

The good news is that sciatic nerve pain in pregnancy is usually temporary. It may run its course before you deliver, or it will almost certainly end after you deliver. If it continues beyond delivery, you should ask your doctor for a referral to a physical therapist who can help you.

I cant believe the second trimester is over and I will in the 3rd trimester soon. I have to say that 2nd trimester flew by and I hope the last one does too. I cant wait to meet my little one.

Only 14 more weeks to go!

Week 25- 15 more weeks!

2010-06-28T10:20:00.002-04:00

Weeks 25-28 (month 6): Eggplant

Whats Baby S up to?
Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. Her weight, a pound and a half, but she's beginning to exchange her long, lean look for some baby fat. As she does, her wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and she'll start to look more and more like a newborn. She's also growing more hair, and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture.
Let your spouse put an ear to your belly, he might be able to pick up baby's heartbeat (no stethoscope required). Inside the womb, the formation of tiny capillaries is giving baby a healthy pink glow. Baby's also soaking up your antibodies, getting the immune system ready for life outside the womb. Eyes are forming, and baby will soon perfect the blink, perfect for batting those freshly grown lashes.

Well I have found out that I can't do what I used to. I can't go go go anymore. I get very tired and I feel aches and pains that I never did. I have been swimming in my pool and it feel so much better.
I also have sciatic now and it hurts to walk. I have to listen to my body more now. I am also feeling more pressure on my bladder. So that means more trips to the bathroom.
Baby is moving up a storm and I can’t tell you how much I love that feeling.
I usually love summer but this year I can’t wait for it to be over. Not because of the heat, but I just want October to get here so I can hold my sweet baby in my arms.

15 more weeks! I can’t wait to meet you my sweet little one.

Try not to stress

2010-06-24T17:23:00.004-04:00

This article was emailed to me from Baby Center.com. I think its great and really something to follow.
Here is the list of things you shouldnt stress about when you are pregnant.

"Don't stress if you can't get everything done that you had planned each day. The baby won't know if the housework isn't done!"

"It's okay to tell co-workers that you're not interested in their advice. Every pregnancy is different."

"Remember, every problem has a solution, and confiding in someone who's close to you or who you think can offer help or support is a step forward. Don't be afraid to talk to your partner, OB, or midwife."

"Don't stress about how you look. You're performing a miracle — growing a person inside of you — and that's a fantastic accomplishment."

"If you trust your OB, let her do her job and follow her recommendations; if you don't, find a new doctor who you do trust. You should never be afraid to call your provider with big and small problems."

"Don't stress about tough times with your partner. A baby tests any couple's relationship."

"Don't stress about things like food or weight. Just be sensible. There's no need to give yourself an anxiety attack over the pint of ice cream you just finished. Take it as your special reward for everything you've accomplished so far in your pregnancy, and move on."

"If you're doing everything in your power to make healthy choices, don't worry so much. Women have been having babies since well before we knew what to do and what not to do."

"Mothers-in-law don't know everything!"

"Don't stress too much about things in the environment you think might harm your baby, like standing to close to the microvave or pumping gas. Remember, the vast majority of babies are born healthy."

"Don't worry about labor. It is what it is. Just educate yourself on your options, and be ready to make informed decisions. Beyond that, just take a deep breath and go for it. It's not as bad as you think it'll be."

"Don't stress about how the baby is fending in the womb. It's a roll cage, but your baby is probably comfortable in there."

"Every little twinge doesn't mean something is wrong."

"No matter what decisions you make, someone will always disagree. Try not to let the negative comments upset you, and if you're really worried about something, talk with your doctor or a nonjudgmental friend."

"There's no such thing as a stupid question, especially for first-time mothers. Being pregnant and birthing a child are unique experiences, and a woman will never know what it's all about until she's actually done it herself."

"It's okay if you don't have everything ready for your baby. Newborns don't need a whole lot in the beginning."

"When I accepted heartburn, back pain, lack of sleep, and moodiness as a normal part of pregnancy, they didn't seem to bother me as much anymore."

"If you're worried about being a good mom, you probably have nothing to worry about. My husband keeps telling me that bad mothers don't worry about whether or not they'll be good moms."

"I had never really been around children, and I made mistakes, but as long as you love your baby and are careful with the important stuff, you can't harm him or her with small mistakes. You'll soon get comfortable with the routine."

"Don't stress too much over all the "rules" pregnant women now have. A bath warmer than lukewarm won't lead to disaster. If you accidentally eat a soft cheese you're not sure is safe, there's no use worrying after the fact. Our mothers had fewer restrictions than we do, and we turned out fine."

Week 24

2010-06-22T16:43:00.003-04:00

What's Baby S up to?

Your bundle of joy is looking more angelic every day, gaining weight (she's more than 16 ounces or .45 kg), growing longer (over 8 inches or 20 cm) and filling out! Your baby is also starting to produce white blood cells, which will help fight infection after she leaves your body and enters the world. You may be surprised to notice that your baby responds to the sound of your voice or even the touch of your hand on your tummy by quieting down or occasionally increasing activity as a way of communicating with you!

Nothing new to report this week. I have been feeling the baby move more and more each day. Its an amazing feeling. 16 weeks to go! I can't wait to meet my little one.

Week 23- Two years later...

2010-06-16T12:44:00.007-04:00

Whats Baby S up to?

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now, such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner, probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

I am feeling the baby more and more everyday. It used to be just morning and night. Now it seems like I am feeling the baby more during the day as well. Last night I think the baby had hicups. It was so cute.

I have been still trying to stick with an exercise routine of walking, lifting weights and prenatal yoga. I have found this week I am more tired. When I push myself to walk I do feel better, but I can definitely feel a difference.

I cant let this day go by without a little remembrance. It has been two years today when I found out I had a missed miscarriage with my second loss. I will never forget that day.

http://theperfectmatch-suzanne.blogspot.com/2008/11/are-we-getting-tested.html

I still can remember the pain and agony that I was in. I was convinced I was not meant to be a mom. I was being punished, I would never have a healthy pregnacy, I would never get over the pain I felt. They say time heals all wounds and pain. Yes that's true, time does help, but I don't think you can ever forget. I was so hopeful and happy the day before, it was Fathers Day. My husband was going to be a Dad soon, my new nephew was born that day. We were all so happy. Then the next day we got the worst news of our lives. I never felt that much pain in all my life. It felt like my heart was ripped out and I was only left feeling empty. It took me so long to recover emotionally and physically. Did it make me stronger? Yes I believe it did. It made me realize your life can change in an instant.

Two years later, I do sometimes find myself think,"I would of had a year and half year old." I then say that it wasn't meant to be then. As I am here almost 6 months pregnant I feel like I cant help but have that fear still that something can go wrong. I am still fearful when I don't feel the baby for a little while. I think, "oh God is something wrong?" Then I feel the best feeling in the world. My little munchkin moves like he/she is saying, "I'm here Mommy and I'm OK". My favorite moments are when I am laying down at night and feeling the baby move.

I urge you to read my story. If you take anything from it please take that miracles can happen and do happen. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Some good comes out of something bad. You have to have strength and determination. I am meant to be a mother. That IS my density.

17 more weeks. I will have that dream come true. My long road will finally be all worth it.

Week 22

2010-06-08T16:52:00.002-04:00

What is Baby S up to?
Watch what you say, baby is now able to hear outside noise from down in the womb. Studies show that baby finds gentle music and your own voice most soothing. Nipples are starting to sprout, and that little face is fully formed. And, baby's starting to settle into sleep cycles, snoozing about 12 to 14 hours a day. It shouldn't be hard to figure out when just pay attention to those kicks as they start and stop.

Well some exiting news this week. My husband felt the baby move! I always grab his hand and say, "feel that?". He has always been, "um no". But on Monday night he felt it! The baby kicked in two places! He said, "was that it?" "I felt it, that is so cool!".

The baby definitely sleeps alot during the day. In the morning and at night are the most active times. I love at night laying down in bed and reading and feeling the baby move up a storm.Some nights I swear its doing acrobats in my belly. I just feel so connected to the baby. I then every night do my relaxation. I then talk to the baby and say good night and how I hope it continues to grow nice and strong and I also tell the baby how very much I love him/her. I then go to sleep. Its a ritual I just love.

My mornings are the same. I lay in bed for a little while before getting up and just feel the baby move. During my commute at work, I listen to classical music and just feel the baby squirm around. What a great feeling. I feel like I am never alone and I am bonding so much to this little precious baby.

18 or so more weeks and I get to meet my little one that I feel inside me. I can not wait!

Week 21- I love the way you move!

2010-06-01T12:31:00.002-04:00

What is Baby S up to?
10 1/2 inches long and and weighing up to 16.5 ounces!

Chances are good you're feeling someone performing a round-off back handspring in your uterus by now. Is there any other feeling this cool? Other highlights this week:By now your baby looks like a mini-version of what she'll look like when she's born. All her facial features are formed and hair is growing on her head. She's even acting like a baby and will occasionally suck her thumb or yawn. Baby's heartbeat is getting stronger and can be heard using a good old-fashioned stethoscope. Ask for a listen at your next prenatal visit! By 21 weeks, fetal bone marrow starts making blood cells—previously done by the liver and spleen. This may not sound that exciting, but it's good news. The amniotic fluid that has been cushioning your little bean now serves another purpose: Your baby uses it to "practice" chowing down. Yes, it sounds gross (as many aspects of pregnancy do), but it's an important step for your baby toward being able to chow down in the real world. Your baby has been swallowing amniotic fluid for a while now, but now the intestines are finally developed enough that she's absorbing small amounts of sugars from it. And let's face it, being able to effectively digest sugar is important at every stage of life.

I love feeling the baby moving. The baby is very active. It has to be the best feeling in the world. I feel him/her all day long.

This weekend my husband and I spent the weekend together. We had such a great time together. I cant believe in a few months its going to be the 3 of us. We cant wait. We went to a baby store and looked at baby furniture, strollers, and baby stuff. It was fun to look at that stuff. I am still afraid to buy anything. Its nice to look. I wont feel comfortable in getting anything until September. We will be painting the nursery soon. I am going to do a yellow. I decided the baby bedding will wait until I actually have the baby. The baby doesn't go in the crib until later anyways. I can always order it online. I just haven't found anything neutral that I like. Its either way to boyish or way to girlish. I have a few ideas and it will go with my yellow walls.

19 more weeks! I can't wait to meet my little munchkin!

Week 20- We are halfway there!

2010-05-24T11:52:00.005-04:00

Whats Baby S up to?

Baby's digestive system is busy creating meconium (a tarry black substance made of swallowed amniotic fluid, digestive secretion and dead cells), which will fill the first diaper after birth. And, your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system.

Whats going on with me?

I can't believe I am halfway there to meet our little one. I never imagined I would make it this far. Although I still have fears, but I am starting to believe there will actually be a baby in my arms in October. My favorite time is when I am sitting watching tv after a long day at work and I feel the baby move around. Also when I lay in bed I can feel the little one squirming around. This reassures me that all is ok. What a great feeling it is.

I have been feeling great but this weekend though I have become nauseous if I eat something I am not used to. We had Chinese food Saturday night and I felt like crap after. I never eat Chinese food. I think I need to stick to food that I know doesn't bother me.

I also found out that I cant over eat or eat alot. I get that nauseous feeling with that too.

Here are a few pictures my niece took of me yesterday.

Week 19

2010-05-17T10:57:00.002-04:00

Whats Baby S up to this week?
Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid. You may also notice some darkening of your nipples, freckles, scars, underarms, inner thighs, and vulva.

I went to the doctors today. My cervix is stable and looking good. I am measuring at 22 weeks. 3 weeks ahead! He took a tape measure and checked my belly. I guess we are going to have a big baby.
I noticed yesterday that I have linea nigra, which is the the darkened line running from your belly button to your pubic bone. I also noticed that my birth mark I have on my upper lip is more prominent that it was before. All these skin changes are normal and due to hormones.
All in all I feel good. I am working out 5-6 days a week. Here is a sample of my workout schedule. I might mix it up and do one of the Prenatal DVDs I listed below. Most my workouts last 45 minutes to an hour. The weekend workouts are longer. No more than an hour and half I try to keep my heart rate below 140. When I walk hills it does go up a little.

Sunday: Walk and total body toning or Prenatal fitness DVD.
Monday: 30 minutes of Prenatal yoga DVD at night.
Tuesday: Walk 30 minutes, lower body toning.
Wednesday: Walk 30 minutes, upper body toning.
Thursday: Walk 45 minutes, 30 minutes of Prenatal yoga DVD at night.
Friday: Off
Saturday: Walk and total body toning or Prenatal fitness DVD.

My favorite Prenatal DVDs:

Element: Prenatal & Postnatal Yoga- Elena Brower. 30 minutes prenatal yoga practice.
Yoga for your Pregnancy-Co-created by Lamaze and Yoga Journal.Prenatal yoga 31 minutes, relax 17 minutes.
Crunch Yoga Mama-Sue Elkind. 40 Minute prenatal yoga practice.
Prenatal Yoga- Shiva Rea. 60 minute prenatal yoga DVD.
Denise Austin: Fit & Firm Pregnancy-20 minute cardio, 20 minute toning.
Summer Sander's Prenatal Workout- Divided into 3 trimesters. Each workout uses the identical format: an extended warm-up, a mix of varied (mostly standing) exercises and a long, soothing stretch. About 40 minutes.

Week 18- Second trimester ultrasound! We are having a....

2010-05-10T11:08:00.007-04:00

A perfect Boy or Girl! We did not want to find out. I went today for the second trimester ultrasound and all looks perfect. The tech took tons of pictures of everything. She said the baby is a mover and loves to suck his/her thumb. Its hands were always by its mouth. My mom said I came out sucking my thumb. So my little munchkin takes after me.

Whats up with Baby S this week:
Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. Your fetus has become amazingly mobile (at least compared to you), passing the hours yawning, hiccuping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking and swallowing. And, baby's finally big enough that you'll be able to feel those movements soon. His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit. A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound.

Here are some belly pictures from yesterday.

Week 17- Ultrasound pictures.

2010-05-05T17:30:00.006-04:00

I had some pain today so I called my doctor. He sent me for an ultrasound. I got to see my little munchkin and boy does he/she love to move around. I got to see him/her do a somersault and the tech caught it and took the picture.

Sucking his/her thumb

Somersault!

Week 17- Is that the baby moving?

2010-05-04T10:44:00.003-04:00

Whats Baby S up to?

The baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — her lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Your baby weighs 5 ounces now (about as much as a turnip), and she's around 5 inches long from head to bottom. She can move her joints, and her sweat glands are starting to develop.

A few things has happened this week. First, I became an aunt again. That makes number 8. My husbands sister had her second. She had a beautiful girl. When I went to meet her in the hospital I was holding her and all I kept on thinking was, "5 more months and I will be holding my sweet baby. I can't wait."

I also realized that I don't remember how to swaddle! I totally forgot. My sisters youngest is 8 so its been a while. I think I need a refresher course.

When they were leaving the hospital my sister in law was in the wheel chair and my husband was pushing her. Her husband went to get the car and her 2 year old son was just crying wanting his mom. She had a c-section and was in the hospital for 5 days, so I think it was just alot for him. She had to hold him and she gave me the baby. I got to carry her out. I felt so privileged and special.

I have always felt blessed to be an aunt. I always thought of it as a very important role. I am also godmother to 5 of them also. I have been Auntie Sue for almost 13 years and I have enjoyed every minute of it. I love my 6 nieces and 2 nephews more than anything. I never thought I could love someone has much as I love them. I can only imagine the love I will feel for my own son or daughter. You know the saying, always a bridesmaid and never a bride. I have felt this way. Always an aunt and never a mother. In 23 weeks that will all change. I will have two important roles that I will hold very dear to me, Aunt and finally Mother.

Today when I was riding to work I felt what I believe was the baby moving. It felt like butterflies or that feeling you get when you go on a roller coaster. I think my baby loves the music I listen to each morning. It has been coming and going all day. What a great feeling it is to know, yes there is someone in there growing inside me.

Week 16- I am 4 Months Pregnant!

2010-04-26T10:17:00.010-04:00

Whats is Baby S up to?

Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.

Well I guess we have to watch what we say now. Tiny bones forming in baby's ears mean the little one can now pick up your voice. Oh God, I better stop yelling at my husband. My hormones have been crazy this week. Everything he does or says just pisses me off. I have also been exhausted. I thought that was supposed to get better? I think it is mostly I am up every hour going to the bathroom. My body must be preparing myself to be up with the baby every hour.

Here are a few belly pictures I took this morning. Wednesday I have an ultrasound and doctors appointment. I will post the ultrasound pictures.

I cant believe I am 4 months pregnant! I have only 24 more weeks to go!

My love for music and I Haven't Met You Yet

2010-04-21T10:32:00.008-04:00

I always had a love for music. I grew up singing with my sister Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer songs. I also could appreciate classical music as well. I remember when I was little I would sit and listen to my older brother playing classical music on the piano. I could sit and listen to him all day. Then I would go to my grandfathers and he would always be listening to an opera or the three tenors, Plácido Domingo, José Carreras and Luciano Pavarotti. That music would just move me to tears. I remember crying when I heard Giacomo Puccini's Nessun Dorma from the opera Turandot and Vesti la Giubba from the opera Pagliacci.
I have been listening to classical more these days as well. I heard its great for the development of the baby. On my hour commute in the morning I put on the classical station and let the baby listen to the beautiful music. It also relaxes me. Sometimes sitting in traffic can be stressful and it really helps with that. I take deep breaths and just enjoy the beautiful sounds and think of my baby how he/she is enjoying it as well.
I also can appreciate other music as well. I love all kinds of music. Country, rock, oldies and top 40 hits. I can only imagine my baby is dancing around in there and just having a party.
There is one song that I love and it makes me think of my sweet baby. It’s the new Michael Buble’ song called, Haven’t Met You Yet. The song is for someone who hasn’t met the love of his life yet, but I think of the love of my life I can’t wait to meet, my son or daughter.

The lyrics are just perfect. My heart has been broken so many times with my losses. I tried so hard not to lose it and I knew one day it would all work out. Your love is going to change me. I promise you kid, I will give it all I have. Whenever the timing right you will come into my life. I haven’t met you yet, my sweet baby.

Lyrics to Haven’t Met You Yet by Michael Buble’

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
In love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh, you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah, I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh, promise you, kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
(I just haven't met you yet)
Love, love, love, love
Love, love
I just haven't met you yet

Week 15- Ouch bladder infection.

2010-04-20T12:02:00.003-04:00

Baby S is 4 inches long and weighs more than 2.4 ounces now! If you were to peek inside your uterus during pregnancy week 15 you would still be able to see your baby's blood vessels through his paper-thin skin. In fact, the blood vessels forming in your baby's body make him look rather like a map! This week, your baby will start producing lanugo, which is fine hair that will cover your baby's body up until a few weeks before birth. Lanugo covers every part of your baby in utero, except for the palms, soles of the feet, lips, penis, nails, and inner fingers and toes. Typically babies will shed this hair by the 8th month of pregnancy, but it can persist in some newborns for a short period of time. Pre-term babies are more likely to be born with lanugo than full term babies. Your baby might start sucking his thumb this week. The bones in your baby's body are also starting to get harder during pregnancy at 15 weeks and will continue to do so throughout your pregnancy. Your baby is spending most of his time practicing breathing, by inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid. Believe it or not, the very act of doing so will help your baby's air sacs develop during pregnancy. Your baby continues to form taste buds at this point in time.

Friday I called the doctor in the morning. I have been feeling pressure and it hurt when I went to the bathroom. They told me to come right in. They close early on Fridays so they told me to get in the car and come over. The doctor was pretty sure I had a bladder infection. They gave me antibiotics and she said the results wouldn’t come back until Tuesday because of the long weekend. She said to take the antibiotics anyways and if it comes back negative I will simply stop taking them. I got a call today that I do in fact have a bladder infection. I feel much better than I did before. I guess it is very common in pregnancy.
A urinary tract infection (UTI), also called bladder infection, is a bacterial inflammation in the urinary tract. Pregnant women are at increased risk for UTI's starting in week 6 through week 24.

Why are UTI's more common during pregnancy?
UTI's are more common during pregnancy because of changes in the urinary tract. The uterus sits directly on top of the bladder. As the uterus grows, its increased weight can block the drainage of urine from the bladder, causing an infection.

What are the signs and symptoms of UTI's?
If you have a urinary tract infection, you may experience one or more of the following symptoms:
· Pain or burning (discomfort) when urinating
· The need to urinate more often than usual
· A feeling of urgency when you urinate
· Blood or mucus in the urine
· Cramps or pain in the lower abdomen
· Pain during sexual intercourse
· Chills, fever, sweats, leaking of urine (incontinence)
· Waking up from sleep to urinate
· Change in amount of urine, either more or less
· Urine that looks cloudy, smells foul or unusually strong
· Pain, pressure, or tenderness in the area of the bladder
· When bacteria spreads to the kidneys you may experience: back pain, chills, fever, nausea, and vomiting.

How will the UTI affect my baby?
If the UTI goes untreated, it may lead to a kidney infection. Kidney infections may cause early labor and low birth weight. If your doctor treats a urinary tract infection early and properly, the UTI will not cause harm to your baby.

How do I know if I have a UTI?
A urinalysis and a urine culture can detect a UTI throughout pregnancy.

How is a UTI treated?
UTI's can be safely treated with antibiotics during pregnancy. Urinary tract infections are most commonly treated by antibiotics. Doctors usually prescribe a 3-7 day course of antibiotics that is safe for you and the baby.

How can I prevent a UTI?
You may do everything right and still experience a urinary tract infection, but you can reduce the likelihood by doing the following:
· Drink 6-8 glasses of water each day and unsweetened cranberry juice regularly.
· Eliminate refined foods, fruit juices, caffeine, alcohol, and sugar.
· Take Vitamin C (250 to 500 mg), Beta-carotene (25,000 to 50,000 IU per day) and Zinc (30-50 mg per day) to help fight infection.
· Develop a habit of urinating as soon as the need is felt and empty your bladder completely when you urinate.
· Urinate before and after intercourse.
· Avoid intercourse while you are being treated for an UTI.
· After urinating, blot dry (do not rub), and keep your genital area clean. Make sure you wipe from the front toward the back.
· Avoid using strong soaps, douches, antiseptic creams, feminine hygiene sprays, and powders.
· Change underwear and pantyhose every day.
· Avoid wearing tight-fitting pants.
· Wear all cotton or cotton-crotch underwear and pantyhose.
· Don't soak in the bathtub longer than 30 minutes or more than twice a day.

AAH the joys of pregnancy! I feel so much better already. I have been on the antibiotics since Friday and what a difference. Don't ever hesitate to call your doctor!

First Belly Pictures- 14 weeks

2010-04-14T07:42:00.002-04:00

12 week and 14 week ultrasound pictures.

2010-04-13T14:26:00.004-04:00

12 weeks:
14 weeks:

Week 14

2010-04-13T11:19:00.002-04:00

Your adorable little fetus is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, and (not so cute but equally amazing) making urine and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver, kidneys and spleen continue to develop. Lanugo (thin, downy hair) is growing all over the body for warmth.

I had my 14 week appointment yesterday to check my cervix. The ultrasound tech was not saying anything. I said, "your not saying anything, you are making me nervous!". My husband was there and said, "Its ok I see him moving around." Thank god. My heart stops when I get an ultrasound until they tell me all is ok.
My cervix is stable. It didn't get shorter but my doctor still wants to check it to 20 weeks. Cool! I will keep on seeing the baby for a little while more.

I will post some belly pictures and ultrasound pictures soon!

13 weeks, 3 days- Hello second trimester!

2010-04-07T10:54:00.003-04:00

Whats happening with baby:
Your fetus is forming teeth and vocal cords... savor this, their non-functional phase. Baby is approaching normal proportions, with a head now only one third the size of the body. Intestines are in the process of moving from the umbilical cord to baby's tummy. (Much more convenient.)

I can not begin to tell you how happy and relieved I am to be in the second trimester. WHOO HOO!!!! I never made it this far and it feels incredible. I want to shout it from the rooftops. I am PREGNANT!!!! Talk about a huge hurdle. I am starting feel like its more real. I feel more like I am going to be a mom in 6 months and I can not wait! It has been a long time coming. I am still petrified something could go wrong. I cant help it. When someone asks me when I am due I am afraid to actually say it. Will I jinx myself by saying it out loud? Yes, its silly, but I cant help but feel this way. I had to switch to maternity clothes already. I was so afraid to buy them. They feel so much better though. They are so worth it. I went shopping one day and I was so happy to actually do this. For the longest time I couldn't wait to be able to buy maternity clothes. With the other pregnancies I never made it to this point and yes I am wearing them and proud of it!

I am sporting a little, umm well actually a big bump for how far along I am. I am concerned that I am getting so big so quickly. I guess everyones body is different. I am seeing my doctor on Monday and will voice my concerns and see what he says.

Also this week I feel like I can actually walk and workout a little. I was given the OK almost 2 weeks ago but I have been afraid and frankly too tired. Its a beautiful day today and I want to go out and walk on my lunch hour. I will tak it slow and steady. No power walking for me.
I am also going to do some of my prenatal fitness DVDs I have.

Here are a few that I have and I will be trying soon.

Denise Austin: Fit & Firm Pregnancy
Summer Sanders' Prenatal Workout
Prenatal Yoga with Shiva Rea
Crunch Yoga Mama - Prenatal Yoga

12 weeks-I just jumped a huge hurdle.

2010-03-29T14:18:00.008-04:00

As you move into the second trimester, baby shifts into the growth and maturation stage. After weeks in the critical development stage, almost all of baby's systems are fully formed.

I jumped a HUGE hurdle today. I turned 12 weeks on Sunday. Last night I had some spotting. I was so scared today. I had my scheduled appointment this morning. I was preparing myself for the worst, but hoping for the best.

My husband came with me this morning. We first had the ultrasound. The baby looked perfect. He/she was so much bigger than the last time we saw the baby 2 weeks ago. The baby was moving all around. The ultrasound tech said I am measuring a week ahead and everything looks great. The hematoma is gone!

The doctor wanted to check my cervical length just because of my history of miscarriages. He said it was a 33. They like to see it 35-45 so its a little low but he will watch that too. So ultrasounds every 2 weeks. If it goes to 25 they will do a cervical cerclage.

He then checked my uterus and its measuring at 14 weeks. He said what can we do to help you get through this easier. I said see you every week? He said, well we will see you every 2 weeks. I feel good they are watching me and my fears that I have a valid.

I feel like I just did a huge jump over this hurdle this week. I am starting to feel excited, happy, and positive. I have a good feeling all will turn out ok.

Week 11

2010-03-22T11:11:00.003-04:00

Average size: 1.6 in, .25 oz

The baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a lime, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden. She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two, nor will you notice the hiccuping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.

I am feeling very good. Still very tired. They say I should start to get more energy. I did notice that at night I am in bed a little later than I have been. Only a half and hour.
This week I have a little anxiety. I feel like this is another hurdle I need to get over. I see my OB/GYN next Monday for another ultrasound. I just think if I can make it to next Monday, with a great ultrasound, I will feel a little better.
Right now I am scared. I cant help but think of my second pregnancy. This was the week that I found out I had a missed miscarriage. Its very fresh in my mind. Going along thinking all is fine, when in reality things were very wrong. I still have that fear that I will go to the doctor next Monday and they will tell me that the baby is gone. I know I need to stay positive but it is so hard. I think of this week as a huge hurdle. I pray I jump over it no problem and all will be ok.

Well, I am officially in the BellaBand.
http://www.ingridandisabel.com/

I can leave my pants unbuttoned and this band goes over the zipper and unbuttoned buttons. Its great. I don't feel squished as I did when I had them buttoned. I don't have a baby bump yet, Um... I guess you can I am pudgy. My stomach is no longer flat. Its very bloated.
My husband and I joke all the time and saying this baby takes after his daddy. He/she needs to eat all the time! The fact is I feel very sick if I don't eat every two hours.

I hope this week goes by fast and Monday comes with good news. I think I will be able to relax a little more if all is great then.

10 weeks

2010-03-15T14:09:00.004-04:00

Baby's now the size of a prune!With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. (Soon, legs will start working too.)

I can't believe I am 10 weeks! I am feeling great. I am still tired but I feel more confident about this pregnancy. I even told a few people at work. I did have a little scare this weekend but today I had an awesome appointment with my ob/gyn today.

So Saturday night when I went to the bathroom I felt something come out. I looked in the toilet and it was a small whitish and red clot. I had some brown spotting and that was it.I was so scared I went to the emergency room yesterday. I was just so scared that something was wrong. I cant help but he petrified that something will go wrong. I thought for sure I lost my mucus plug and I was going to miscarry. I was so upset my heart rate was 130. I had an ultrasound and the baby looked awesome. We waited for 5 hours and never saw a doctor. I said I am happy with knowing all is ok I will see my doctor tomorrow.
So today was my first appointment. My doctor just sat with me for a good 20 minutes just talking about what I have been through, what is not safe to eat, how I will get scared because of my history, which is understands. We need to watch the subchorionic hematoma,but he is confident that all will turn out ok. I am still on pelvic rest and no exercise. He just wants me to take it easy. My HCG was 129,000 for last night, so my numbers are great! He also said I will spot alot because of the hematoma. It was probably just mucus that came out and maybe a little blood. I then heard the heartbeat on the Doppler. What an amazing sound! It was very strong at 171. Then I had an exam. He said all looked perfect. He wants to see me in two weeks for another ultrasound and then I will see him again. He also gave me a due date of October 12, 2010.

I said it will be a long 30 weeks with me. He said, we will be seeing alot of each other.

I then has some bloodwork, about 7 vials!

I am more at ease and feel more confident that all is going to ok. I will never stop worrying, welcome to motherhood, right? But I think this baby is a fighter and strong. I cant wait to meet my sweet baby in 30 weeks!

Week 9

2010-03-08T11:49:00.003-05:00

My little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like... well... a baby!

I have been feeling good. Just very tired. I have had a hard few days. Very emotional and my fear has come back into play. Thursday night I woke up with these sharp pains. I called my doctor on Friday morning. The nurse sent me for an ultrasound. My doctor is not there on Fridays so the nurse said that we will write on the order that the ultrasound tech call the covering doctor and then the doctor can talk to you.
My husband and I went to the ultrasound. The baby looked great. He/she was moving its little arm. I would like to think he/she was saying "Hi mom, I'm OK and I'm here". I will just picture that image in my mind.
When I was released by the fertility clinic they did tell me I had a subchorionic hematoma. My RE didn't think it was a big deal. He said we see these all the time. They will just watch it. Its so small. When we had the ultrasound on Friday they still saw it. The covering doctor told me that she wasn't sure if it got bigger because she didn't have anything to compare it to. I asked her what happens if it get bigger. She said I could lose the pregnancy. She said take it easy this weekend and no lifting. I was in shock and just said "oh OK."
All weekend I took it easy. Saturday morning I had some brown discharge. I assume it was from the trans vaginal ultrasound.
This morning I called my doctor. They didn't have anything from the fertility clinic yet. I told them I would call them and have them fax over my last ultrasound. They said my doctor would call me.
Well... he did. He didn't want to tell me it got bigger. He said what good would it do to know that. I cant tell you to do something to fix it. There is nothing we can do to fix it. I said, So it got bigger. He said yes. I just was so upset. They are going to watch it and most times it does go away. I am on pelvic rest. No lifting, no exercise, nothing.
I see him next Monday. I just got off the phone and bawled. I just cant catch a break. My beautiful baby is in there and all I can picture is this hematoma getting bigger and just killing my baby. Something that wasn't a big deal is now threatening my babies safety.
I just feel like I cant get a break. There is always something. I need to just try to think positive and just picture that my baby will be strong and will fight.
I heard this is very common and usually takes care of itself by 20 weeks. But there is that risk of miscarriage.
I thought I was safe once I get out of the first trimester, but the reality is, I'm not. As my doctor said, you aren't safe until you deliver that baby.
So I am here, where I feel like I have been many times before. Scared, petrified, and
very fearful. I am trying to be hopeful, but its so hard. I am trying to keep it in my mind that alot of people have had this and it worked out. A woman here at work said she had one with her second pregnancy. Also, another friend had one too and she had her daughter. I feel a little better hearing that but I just feel like I just cant get a break. I cant have a doctor say, "It all looks perfect." My fear is I just am not meant to be a mom. But that isn't a fact. I have to just think of the facts.
These things fixes themselves out by 20 weeks.
I saw my baby and his/her heartbeat was healthy and strong at 171.
He/she was moving around and waving his arm.
He/she is healthy and protected in there.

8 weeks

2010-03-01T11:39:00.004-05:00

Baby's now the size of a raspberry!Baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs, and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy.

I have been getting migraines and more tired. I am in bed my 7:30pm. Its crazy. I come home from work eat, watch very little tv and then go to bed. I just cant my eyes open. I sometimes also have bouts of nausea. I don't get sick but if I don't eat I feel sick to my stomach and driving home from work.

I have been really watching what I eat. Not dieting but making sure I have enough calories, protein, calcium, etc. I always try to have a protein, a veggie and whole grain at every meal. My snacks are fruit, which I cant seem to get enough of, fiber one bars, whole grain crackers, V8 juice, and Stonyfield fat free yogurts, nuts, or cheese.

Speaking of yogurts, you have to really read your labels. Alot of yogurts have aspartame in them, which are not good for pregnant woman. I love Stonyfield yogurts because they are all natural.

Today I met with my nutritionist. She said I am eating great and doing all the right things. She also gave me a name of a book. Its called Expect the Best: Your Guide to Healthy Eating Before, During, and After Pregnancy by Elizabeth M. Ward. She is a dietitian. She is actually a college friend to my nutritionist. She also has a website. www.expectthebestpregnancy.com

Here is what the book is about:

Are you thinking of having a baby? Perhaps you're pregnant or nursing a newborn. Whatever the case, Expect the Best shows you how a healthy lifestyle from preconception to post delivery will help you to have the brightest, healthiest child possible. You'll find dozens of useful, easy-to-follow tips for healthy eating and physical activity, including:
Why you (and your partner) should achieve a healthy weight before trying for a baby, and how good nutrition helps maximize fertility in women and men
Trimester-by-trimester advice about nutrition and exercise during pregnancy
Safe post pregnancy weight loss, and the best eating plan for nursing moms
How diet can help you handle conditions such as gestational diabetes and morning sickness
50 delicious, nutritious, and easy recipes your entire family will love.

Released from RE

2010-02-26T10:05:00.002-05:00

Another hurdle I just jumped over this morning. This morning we had another ultrasound appointment. The baby is measuring at 8 weeks. A very strong heart beat which was 168.
The ultrasound tech and the doctor said that all looked so great. She released me and said I can now stop estrogen but still take the progesterone until 11 weeks.

I have been getting pains on my right side this morning and she said that they are round ligament pains.

Pregnancy, Round Ligament Pain Overview:
Abdominal pain during pregnancy is common. Most often it is a result of round ligament pain. Round ligament pain is due to normal changes that take place as your body is transformed by pregnancy. There are other, abnormal, treatable causes of pain that your health care provider may want to check. Therefore, any new or significant pain should be reported to your doctor.

Pregnancy, Round Ligament Pain Causes:
Round ligament pain refers to a type of pelvic pain caused by stretching of the round ligaments. This occurs more commonly on the right side of the pelvis.
Your uterus is normally the size of a pear. Thick ligaments, one of which is called the round ligament, hold your uterus in suspension within your abdomen. As the uterus grows in size and weight, these ligaments become very long and thin, stressing and tensing like rubber bands.
The ligaments pull and tug on nearby nerve fibers and sensitive structures, causing pain. The severity of pain can worry you. Although round ligament pain is uncomfortable, it is also very normal.
A ligament spasm, an involuntary contraction or cramp, usually triggers a sharp pain. These spasms are found more frequently on the right side than the left because of the normal tendency of the uterus to turn to the right.
You might awaken at night with pain after having suddenly rolled over in your sleep.
The pain may also be brought on by exercise.

I am praying this baby is continues to grow strong and healthy.

Week 7

2010-02-23T12:17:00.005-05:00

Your Baby: Week 7
Baby's brain, both hemispheres,is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place.

I made it to week 7. I have an ultrasound on Thursday. Hopefully we will get some more good news.

I have been feeling more tired this week. I find myself in bed by 7:30-8 pm no later. I used to read before I fell asleep, but I have been finding myself too tired to even do that. I wake up every hour to pee and since I'm up I am starving in the middle of the night. A new symptom I have is heartburn. I don't even mind having symptoms. I know its all good.

I also have been listening to podcasts. I have found a few I really like. Pregtastic, A Pea in the Podcast and Babytime. I listen to them during my commute to and from work. They are great! You can also go to their websites and listen there.

www.pregtastic.com/

http://www.peainthepodcast.com/

http://www.babytimeshow.com/

I will post how my ultrasound went on Thursday. Please keep us in your thoughts. I hope our little superstar continues to grow strong.

Some good advice

2010-02-18T10:23:00.003-05:00

I have been seeing a therapist for a little while now. I now only see her once a month. She has helped me tremendously with dealing with the losses, my eating disorder and fears I have with getting pregnant again. Last time we met she said "please email me when you hit milestones before our next meeting."
Yesterday I emailed her after seeing the heartbeat. I want to share her response with you.
She said:

"You made it through a very tough experience, but the important part is that you overcame a milestone. Remind yourself to stay present as much as possible and catch the negative thoughts before you buy into them. Stay focused on the facts versus the fears because these are the things you can control."

How true is that? I did overcome a huge milestone and I need to stay in the here and now. Today I am pregnant. I can't have the negative thoughts enter me. Like, "I am going to miscarry, this wont work, history will repeat itself". Those thoughts are not healthy to feel. If you constantly think negative thoughts, after a while you start to believe them.
I will focus on the facts which are these.

I saw my baby's heartbeat.

There is a baby inside me alive.

I made it past 6 weeks.

Once your baby has a heartbeat,usually visible on ultrasound at around 6 weeks,your odds of having a miscarriage drop significantly.

For women with no vaginal bleeding, most estimates suggest that the odds or having a miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat are about 4%.

The uterine septum is out.

I am on progesterone injections and estrogen which I never was on before.

I am being monitored every week.

I am not exercising at all this time.

I am using relaxation and imagery techniques every night.

I am working with a nutritionist and I am eating very well this pregnancy.

This pregnancy was conceived through IVF. They picked the best looking egg and only the best looking embryo was used.

That's what we all need to do. Lets focus on the facts. Lets not buy into our fears.

We have a heartbeat!

2010-02-17T12:10:00.001-05:00

Today we went for our first ultrasound. As I was driving down I was deep breathing and tried to relax. It was very hard to do. I was truthfully petrified. A part of me didn’t want to go. I was thinking the less I know the better.

The ultrasound tech came in and asked how I was. I said truthfully, I am so scared. I was shaking. I told her my history. She said well let me look around and then I will show you what I see. After 2 seconds she said, “well, you can relax. There is a heartbeat!”
It was 128 and I am measuring 6 weeks, 2 days. Which is exactly right. It was awesome. She went over it again and again so my husband and I could see it.
She then said that there is another sac but it doesn’t have anything in it. She looked at it and she then said she didn’t think it was another sac. It was too irregular looking. She thinks it’s a bleed. Which is when the baby implanted it bruised my uterus.
The ultrasound tech said usually we just watch you but we would watch you anyways. She sees this alot and all turns out fine. She said with your history you can come in as many times as you want. Just tell the doctor you want to come in a week or 2 weeks. She then she showed us the heartbeat again.
I was just so relieved. I was going in there and prepared to tell me there was no baby there or I miscarried.
My RE called. He said everything looks good. I can stop the progesterone shots and do the progesterone suppositories twice a day until I am 11 weeks. I am also on estrogen and he wants me to take that just once a day instead of twice a day. He said the bruise is very small and they will watch it. He said he wanted me to come in 2 weeks for another ultrasound. I said well doctor is am so scared can I come next week.He said absolutely.he said I am sure you are walking on egg shells and you will be will the baby comes out.
So I have another ultrasound in a week. My babies never made it past 6 weeks. So this is another hurdle I just jumped over.

One week at a time.

Today I am pregnant and I am so in love with my baby and its perfect little heart is beating.

Hurdles

2010-02-08T14:24:00.004-05:00

I have come to think of this pregnancy as a Wii Fit game. The game that's an obstacle course and you have to jump over logs that come towards you or dodge big black balls that can knock you off if they hit you.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ezh0ThsmEs

My weeks are those logs and I am so scared that I am going to get hit with one of those black balls and I will get knocked down.

I am taking this pregnancy one week at a time. Actually more like one day at a time. Today I reached my first hurdle. I am 5 weeks today. That may not seem like a big deal to some people but its a big deal for me. My first miscarriage was at 5 weeks. I also got my blood test back from this morning and it was 3,419. 7 days ago it was 220, so its going up nicely. The nurse said the numbers look great. I have to continue the progesterone injection every night and estrogen twice a day.

I have our first ultrasound on the 17th. I am looking forward to that and I pray all will go great with that. That will be my second hurdle I need to get through. I will be 6 weeks and 3 days. MY babies never make it past 6 weeks, so this will be a huge hurdle.

My symptoms are about the same. Just more tired, which is all good. Trust me I am not complaining! I just think my body is telling me "hey rest a bit while I get this baby to develop!"So I do. I am usually in bed by 8 pm. On the weekends I take naps during the day. Something I never used to do.
I also need to eat every 2 to 3 hours. I get very hungry. I cant seem to get enough salad and fruit, which is good. At least I am not craving cakes, ice cream or candy.

I am just taking one week, one day, one hurdle, at a time and I'm enjoying every minute of being pregnant.
I pray I will reach the end of this obstacle course. I know it will be long and there will be many hurdles that will need to be jumped over and in the end, my sweet baby will be put in my arms.

Mantras

2010-02-02T14:30:00.005-05:00

A mantra is a powerful word or phrase that may or may not have meaning in the same way as a sentence. I compiled some mantras I found on the Internet and I asked some wonderful ladies on a board I go to.
I do relaxation every night and I want to say these mantras as I am doing the relaxation. When I feel scared, frightened,worried or anxious I am going to think of these mantras. I am going to put a copy of these mantras in my pocketbook so I will have them if I need to say them.
I am going to take care of myself and my sanity by keeping myself busy, entertained, and positive.
Here is a list I have compiled. If you have any others please email me or feel free to comment on this post.
I also complied this list to help others. Feel free to copy this entry and say them to yourselves.

Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.

I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise.

My past does not dictate my future.

A previous miscarriage does not mean I will have another miscarriage.

Hope does not make bad things happen.

You cannot ‘jinx’ your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive!

There is nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a miscarriage. And if (gods forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive.

Whatever path you and the baby are on, you're already on. There is nothing you can do about it now, especially worrying, to change the outcome. Try to enjoy being pregnant and celebrate your little one!

My past does not determine my future.

History does not have to repeat itself.

One day at a time.

Today I am pregnant and nothing else matters.

I am going to have this baby!

Second betas are in

2010-02-01T15:04:00.004-05:00

I went this morning for another blood test. My betas are 220. They did double from Saturday. The nurse said that was good. I don't go again until Monday.

I am trying to be positive. I am trying to think this one will work, this one will be different, but its very hard. My betas last pregnancy were great too.

I am trying to stay calm and relax. I just purchased a new relaxation CD. I do relaxation every night. I purchased this CD.

http://www.anjionline.com/pages/PregnancyMeditationCDs.html

So You're Pregnant!
Imagery and Meditations for support during your First Trimester
Enhance your pregnancy experience, foster a deeper connection with your baby, begin to help form your baby's brain, and prepare for upcoming motherhood. Each exercise contains a general relaxation exercise, scientifically accurate imagery of your baby's development, a chance to "check in" with how you are feeling both physically and emotionally, and ends with a short meditation specific to your stage of pregnancy.

This recording contains three tracks:
Track1: First Month (positive pregnancy test - 6 weeks exactly)
Track 2:(7th week-10 weeks)
Track 3: (11th week - 14 weeks)

Each track is approx 22-25 minutes in length.

I think this will help me very much. I used her relaxation CD that was for the IVF process and it was great.

Some good news

2010-01-30T17:47:00.002-05:00

I am pregnant! I went in this morning for blood work and recieved the call later in the day. The betas were 109. I am 12 days past the 3 day transfer. I was shaking when she called and told me. The nurse said its a great number. I go in Monday to take another test. Hopefully the numbers will double.

I had a feeling I was. This being my 4th pregnancy I know the signs and I know how my body feels. My first symtom I get is I am exhuasted. I can go to bed at 8 pm and I do. The second is I am starving every 2 hours and I wake up famished. I have a thing for salads and oranges. I can eat them all the time. I cant seem to get enough of them. I always loved salads, but oranges I really never ate. Its very strange.
The third symptom I have is I go to the bathroom all the time. Every 1/2 hour or hour. Last week I went to the bathroom before I left for work and my commute is and hour. I was ready to burst by the time I got to work.
The forth symptom I have is ummmm, well, my boobs hurt. In the shower with the water on them. OUCH!!!

I would love to say I am jumping for joy, but if I am honest, I am not. I am down right petrified.
I think of my last pregnancy. I have good numbers in the first two weeks and then boom, a blighten ovum.
I honestly feel I cant let myself get attached. I am afraid of losing this pregnancy too. I am trying to stay positive and I tell myself. This one is different. They took the septum out. Its all different. But its so hard not to feel frightened. Not to jump for joy. I am just plain scared.
I decided to take on day at a time. Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.
History does not have to repeat itself and it wont.
I am doing my relaxation sessions every night and I am not exercising this time around. I stopped working out when I start the stims because I just felt very uncomfortable.
I think my body just needs to rest at this time. My doctor told me he would feel comfortable if I didn't. No one knows if that caused my miscarriages, but the just don't know.

Monday I go for another blood test. Hopefully my numbers double.
I am still on the progesterone injection and the estrace. Maybe these two will make the difference I need?
One day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time.
2010 is already looking good.

Sayings

2010-01-25T16:22:00.004-05:00

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, then its not the end"- Author unknown.

I came across this saying and I thought it was just perfect. How true is this saying? I think it is just something that I need to tell myself over and over and it will keep me fighting. I feel that this is what I have been doing for almost 2 years. Fighting. Fighting for my happy ending. I have that one goal in my mind and I know it will happen someday. I will be a mom. I wont stop fighting until I hold my sweet baby in my arms.

It will all be OK and if its not, I have more fighting in me and its not the end.

Another great one that I always think about is:
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."-Lao Tzu.

I think of every month my single step. Each month trying to get pregnant. Then if I am pregnant, then my single steps will be weeks. Just taking one moment at a time and cherishing that moment as it comes. That's all I can do.

Chicken Sausage, Mozzarella, and Spinach with Shells

2010-01-20T18:54:00.003-05:00

I never post recipes. I might start posting a few healthy ones. I love to cook when I have the time and I like to cook healthy. Its important in this TTC journey that we eat a balanced diet. Since I have been home for a few days my husband has been wonderful. Last night he made homemade pizza. Tonight I wanted to try something new. I saw this recipe last week on Everyday Food on PBS. The original recipe is called Sausage, Mozzarella, and Broccoli Rabe with Shells. I changed it to make it healthier. I use chicken sausage, spinach instead of the broccoli rabe, just because I don't like broccoli rabe and whole-wheat pasta shells.
I thought I would give you something healthy and easy to make and that tastes incredible. My husband said after we ate, "I like you home!"
Enjoy.

Ingredients
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
¼ tsp of thyme
coarse salt and ground pepper
2 garlic cloves, chopped
3 links Italian chicken sausage,casings removed
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1 can (28 ounces) kitchen ready tomatoes
8 ounces medium whole-wheat shell pasta
1 block of frozen spinach, thawed
1-2 cups of reduced fat mozzarella

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a large skillet, heat oil over medium-high. Add onion and thyme; season with salt and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until onion is golden brown, about 15 minutes (reduce heat if browning too quickly).

2. Add garlic and chicken sausage. Cook, breaking meat up with a wooden spoon, until browned, about 5 minutes. Add flour and cook, stirring constantly, 30 seconds. Add tomato sauce. Cook sauce until slightly thickened, 5 to 8 minutes. Add spinach and stir.

3. Meanwhile, in a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta. Drain pasta and return to pot. Stir in sausage mixture. Transfer to a 9 x 12 baking dish. Top with mozzarella. Bake until cheese has melted and liquid is bubbling, about 15 minutes.

The 2 most perfect embryos

2010-01-19T08:38:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I had the transfer. We woke up very early and left the house 2 hours before the appointment because it was snowing and we didn't want to get stuck. We made it in an hour and went to Starbucks to hang out for a while. You have to have a full bladder when the transfer is done. I think my bladder is the size of a pea because it doesn't take long to feel like I have to pee.
So we went to the clinic and I was very nervous for some reason. The doctor came in and explained that we only had 2 embryos left. The other two don't look good at all and are breaking down.
He asked if I wanted one in or two and we decided on two. In my mind I am thinking, well if I miscarry one I have another chance with the other. My mind thinking. I didn't say this out loud.

The embryo transfer procedure seems very similar to a Pap smear. There should be no pain involved and no sedation or other drugs are required. They use a moderately full bladder for embryo transfer. This helps in 2 important ways. It allows good ultrasound visualization of the catheter which helps with smooth and proper transfer of the embryos to the best location, and it also unfolds the (anteverted, "tipped up") uterus to a more accommodating angle which makes the process easier and less traumatic for both the endometrial lining and the embryos.

The embryo transfer catheter is loaded with the embryos and the physician passes it through the cervical opening up to the middle of the uterine cavity. Abdominal ultrasound is used simultaneously to watch the catheter tip advance to the proper location. It is sometimes difficult to keep the tip of the catheter in the exact plane of the ultrasound beam at all times - but it is very important to control the proper placement of the embryos. When the catheter tip reaches the ideal location, the embryos are then "transferred" (squirted out of the catheter) to the lining of the uterine cavity. After the embryos are transferred, the catheter is slowly withdrawn and checked under a microscope for any retained embryos. If any embryo is retained in the catheter (uncommon) the transfer procedure is repeated immediately and the catheter is checked again for a retained embryo.

While he was doing this I said, "well I hope they are mine." I don't think the doctor thought it was funny. He said, "what a thing to say. We have two people there at all times when they handle your embryos." I said," I am just kidding I am just nervous. I have faith in you guys" oops!
So that was it. I stayed there lying down for 10 minutes and when we went in the car I put the seat all the way back and listened to my relaxation CD.

The relaxation CD was given to me by a friend who also went through IVF. Its called, Imagery and Meditations to support In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF)
All new updated version based on customer requests! New music for each track - new scripts for each track - and a brand new track just for the time between Retrieval and Transfer
The imagery contained within this recording is structured to complement an in Vitro Fertilization cycle. The recording contains specific tracks for use prior to retrieval, post-transfer, and post-implantation. The imagery makes use of the body-mind connection to help augment your body's natural abilities at each stage of your cycle as well as providing a long-term sense of peace, control and confidence.

Here is where you can purchase it.
http://www.anjionline.com/index.html
Under, Infertility Meditation Cd's on the right hand side.

I plan on listening to the CD every day and night to support me in the 2 week wait. For the next couple of days my instructions are to be a couch potato, which is hard for me, but I know its is the best thing I can do for my little embryos.
So I have to wait till the 30th to get my betas. I am wishing and praying all goes well.

Lucky number 7?

2010-01-15T15:52:00.003-05:00

I had the egg retrieval this morning. They put an IV in me and gave me saline and antibiotics. When they took me into the room where they do the procedure they gave me something to make me sleepy. What they give you is the same thing they give when you get your wisdom teeth out. Its sometimes called "twilight". So they nurse and doctor were there. "are you feeling sleepy?" Nope. Now? Nope. The nurse then says "ok I got to get to work". Then boom I was out and then I woke up in the recovery room. I felt a little crampy but it was tolerable.
They got 7 eggs. I was a little disappointed because I thought they usually get 15 to 20. I guessit quality of the eggs and not quantity. The doctor said no that is perfect. She said I thought I was only going to get 5 with my estrogen level. They gave me some Tylenol and I came home. I went right to sleep for few hours.
We now have to wait. I call tomorrow and see how many fertilized and when to come back in for the transfer. It will either be Sunday or Monday.
They now have me on estrace and progesterone. Estrace is a pill I will take morning and night and progesterone is a shot in the butt. Again, in the muscle.
I am just laying low today. I still feel a little crampy but feel fine.

Ouch my butt!

2010-01-14T11:34:00.003-05:00

Last night my husband had to give me the Novarel trigger shot at 10:30 pm so I will be ready for Friday. We watched the video a couple of times and he was like "OK I can do this". There I was standing there over my bed, waiting him to give me the shot and I couldn't stop laughing. I don't know why. He was like "OK ready 1, 2, oh I cant do this". I was like just do it! It didn't hurt at all going in. I actually didn't even feel it.
Today, my butt hurts. I feel like I just did a huge butt workout. Every time I stand it hurts. Its all worth it. I can handle the pain.
Also, today I didn't take any meds this morning and I feel so much better. My bloat has gone down and I just feel more alert. Not as tired as I have been. I feel like a new woman!
I just cant wait for this weekend. I have having the retrieval tomorrow and then the transfer would be either Sunday or Monday. I just feel like I am getting closer to being pregnant. I have so much confidence this will work. I am staying positive. I am taking one day at a time. That's all I can do. I cant think that it might not work, or if it does I will miscarry again. I am taking one day as it comes.

FRIDAY!

2010-01-13T15:25:00.002-05:00

The nurse called me today. I am to give the trigger shot of Novarel tonight. This is my husbands big moment. I have been giving myself the shots all along. This one goes in the upper buttocks so I cant give it to myself. My husband is a little squeamish when it comes to shots, but he is going to have to get over it.
Novarel is the HCG. This will make my ovaries ovulate. You ovulate 36 hours after the injection. The nurse gave me a specific time to inject it so I will be ready for the egg retrieval on Friday morning.
Tomorrow I dont take anything. No shots at all. I get a break!
Friday morning my husband and I go to the clinic and he gives his sample and I get sedated and they extract me eggs.
All these weeks of pain from shots, side effects for the meds, and just nervousness, comes down to this day.
We are almost there.

Just wait

2010-01-12T15:21:00.003-05:00

I went this morning for blood work and ultrasound. My follicles are bigger. I just got a call from the nurse. She said my estrogen is 784. They want me to take the Gonal-f and Repronex tonight and tomorrow take the Lupron and she said to wait for us to call you when we want you to trigger.
So my retrieval is soon! I can't wait.

The only side effects I have is I am bloated. My stomach is very extended and just feels full.
I am also very tired. I am in bed by 8 pm.

So I have to wait for them to call me tomorrow. I will keep you posted.

Morning

2010-01-11T11:45:00.002-05:00

As some of you may know I love to read. I read every night before I go to bed and I listen to book in the car because my commute is one hour each way. I found this wonderful author. Nancy Thayer. Her books take place in Nantucket and Boston. Nancy Thayer is a Nantucket novelist and is the author of nineteen novels, including The Hot Flash Series (Hot Flash Holidays, The Hot Flash Club, The Hot Flash Club Strikes Again), Custody, Between Husbands and Friends, An Act of Love, Belonging, Three Women at the Water's Edge, and Everlasting, Summer House and Moon Shell Beach. Nancy Thayer’s books concern the mysteries and romance of families and relationships: marriage and friendships, divorce and love, custody and step parenting, family secrets and private self-affirmation, the quest for independence.
I fell in love with the books Summer House and Moon Shell Beach. I went to the library and picked this one book out. Its called Morning. It is fantastic. Here is the description of it.

The one flaw in the marriage of blond, voluptuous Sara Kendall and her blond, virile husband Steve, the one ill wind ruffling the calm of their home on Nantucket, is Sara's inability to conceive a child. Thayer's plodding narrative focuses on Sara's ritual temperature-taking and calendar-watching and her monthly disappointments. Her frustrations and jealousy of all child-bearing women and especially of Mary, Steve's bitchily fertile former girlfriend boil up into accusations against her hapless husband. Then Sara finds a fascinating story about a Kansas farm girl turned international temptress interpolated among the otherwise uninteresting pages of a novel she is editing, recognizes its enormous literary merit and autobiographical verisimilitude, forces her way into the writer's reclusive presence and sees the rewritten novel through to its prize-winning publication.

I can really relate to the main character Sara. She goes to Boston to see a gynecologist and she then has a HSG test, which I have had. It is just a great book that I can relate to.
I urge you to go to your local library and see if they have it available. Its an old publication, 1988, but I think you will enjoy reading it.

I have a good amount of follicles

2010-01-10T13:08:00.002-05:00

Today I went for blood work and ultrasound. I am CD 8. The nurse just called. I have a good amount of follicles. My estrogen is 420. She said everything looks good. I have to decrease Gonal-f and stay on the Lupron and Repronex. I have to go back in in two days for another blood work and ultrasound. She says I might be doing the retrieval at the end of the week!

The only side effects I am feeling is my stomach is bloated and I have pains where I injected the Repronex. She said that it irritating to the skin.

She also said that at this point I shouldn't workout. They don't want me bursting a follicle.

So I am resting today and just hope my body continues to respond how its been responding.

Lets make some eggs!

2010-01-09T11:23:00.002-05:00

I started Repronex last night. The nurse called my house phone and left my instructions. Continue Lupron, Gonal-f and start Repronex. You mix this using this needle then switch needles. Blah blah blah. I was so confused. I called the nurse and she explained it to me better. I said can you please put down to call my cell phone? I asked her if it is ok to workout. She said I wouldn't do anything strenuous. Just walking and light weights. She said by Sunday your stomach is going to feel full. Sunday I go in for blood work and ultrasound. So hopefully we can see how I am responding to the medications.

So last night I started the Repronex. I mixed it fine and injected it in my stomach. That is where they want me to. Well this morning I have a little black and blue that is sore.
I got up this morning and went to teach my muscle class that I normally do. I teach on Thursdays and Saturdays.

I walked in and sat down with the group fitness director. I told her I needed some time off. She knew what happened to me and I told her I am going through IVF and I need some time off. If I get pregnant I wont be coming back and if I don't I will be back. She understood and told me she would find a replacement for a few weeks until I know for sure how things go.

I taught my class and told them that I am going through IVF. I need some time off and to please keep me in their prayers. My class knew I miscarried 3 times and have been so supportive. They all said we are keeping our fingers crossed. We love you! What a great feeling. After class they all gave me hug and told me they would think and pray for me. One lady said that I was such an inspiration! What a wonderful group of woman I have. I feel lucky I am so well liked and respected.

Here is a description of what Repronex does and the side effects and a video on how to do it. You have to mix it up before you inject it.

Repronex is combination of hormones. It works by stimulating the ovaries to produce eggs. Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) is then given to cause ovulation (release of an egg). It also stimulates sperm production in men with certain types of infertility.

Repronex may cause dizziness. Do not drive, operate machinery, or do anything else that could be dangerous until you know how you react to Repronex . Using Repronex alone, with certain other medicines, or with alcohol may lessen your ability to drive or to perform other potentially dangerous tasks.
Possible side effects of Repronex :
All medicines may cause side effects, but many people have no, or minor, side effects. Check with your doctor if any of these most COMMON side effects persist or become bothersome:
Abdominal pain; back pain; breast enlargement; chills; dizziness; fever; flu-like symptoms; flushing; general body discomfort; headache; menstrual changes; muscle or joint pain; pain or rash at the injection site.Seek medical attention right away if any of these SEVERE side effects occur:
Severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue); abdominal bloating; changes in speech or vision; chest pain; decreased urination; diarrhea; fast heartbeat; nausea; one-sided weakness; severe abdominal pain; severe headache; shortness of breath; sudden leg pain; vomiting; weakness; weight gain; yellowing of the skin or eyes.

http://www.freedommedteach.com/player/Videos.aspx

GENERAL IVF HINTS

2010-01-08T12:47:00.002-05:00

I came across this article when I was doing a search online. I thought I would post it because I found it very imformative.

The main IVF hint is to pamper yourself!
An IVF cycle is a very stressful thing and anything that helps you through it without harming a potential baby is okay!
Decide ahead of time where and how you want to get news each day for how much medication to take, etc. This is especially important on the big days of finding out about fertilization and pregnancy test. Those days can be tough if things don't go well! You might want your partner or a good friend around!
Rest is very important, even before transfer. All those developing eggs are taking up a lot of space and energy.
Try to get to know the people who are treating you so you aren't just another patient.
It may help to make a friend or two who is at the clinic for IVF, too.
Bring a book, magazine, or hand-held game with you to appointments. You might be there for a while.
Make sure they do a mock transfer prior to the actual embryo transfer. This is not fun, but it is necessary that they know the depth of your uterus so they know where to put the embryos.
Do whatever it is you need to do to make this manageable for you. (Naps, backrubs, favorite foods, etc. Be very good to yourself during this time.)
Small amounts of alcohol will probably not adversely affect you or your eggs, but caffeine has been shown to affect fertility, even in small amounts, so try to avoid it.
Buy a good, up-to-date fertility book and try to find out as much as you can about the IVF process beforehand. There are always new advances, so try to keep up with the changes in techniques.
Always ask you’re RE a lot of questions about your progress, what the numbers mean, etc. That is what they are there for! Also, you should be able to get copies of anything in your file (like your follicle growth and E2 test results and fertilization report). The more knowledgeable you are, the more likely they are to openly share information and take time to explain.
It can be very comforting to find someone, either in cyberspace or in person, that is in a similar situation (factor, cycle) that you can share stories and progress with.
Try to keep a very flexible schedule the week before the pregnancy test. Some people start their periods early and are stuck somewhere where they cannot just be alone and grieve.
Start taking a prenatal vitamin prior to your cycle. At the minimum, you should take 400mcg of folic acid daily for three months before conception to reduce neural tube defects such as spina bifida. The FDA suggests 800 mcg during pregnancy, so it is best to look for a prenatal with that amount.
Some clinics believe that a diet that is high in protein and low in salt and potassium can help you avoid hyperstimulation. Gatorade is a poor choice of fluid to drink to prevent/control hyperstimulation because it contains large quantities of salt. Water or Pedialyte is best, in quantities recommended by your RE. At a certain stage of OHSS, too much fluid can be detrimental.
Remember that some people get very uncomfortable and even have a lot of pain as the ovaries are stimulated. This may get worse as the follicles ripen. Loose clothing may help.
Don’t worry about your weight unless you are tracking it for hyperstimulation purposes. Unless you hyperstimulate, most of the weight gained during an IVF cycle usually disappears once your period starts and if you are lucky enough to get pregnant your weight won’t matter anyway!
If you are not taking birth control pills the cycle previous to your IVF, be sure to use birth control (no matter how ridiculous it may seem). Usually, you will start Lupron before you would know if you conceived or not and Lupron is very dangerous to a developing baby.
The extra fluid your developing follicles are taking up and being NPO before retrieval can sometimes cause constipation. Increasing your consumption of fiber and fluids as you approach egg retrieval may help alleviate this.
Don't talk to your partner too much about his role. This may cause him extra anxiety during an already stressful time and the extra stress can aggravate the performance anxiety that men suffer on the day of retrieval.
If this is your first IVF, be conservative about the number of blastocysts or embryos you transfer, especially if they are of very good quality. You may find that fertilization was your big hurdle and now that is complete you are on your way!
If you have had more than one failed IVF, consider changing clinics, especially if your doctor doesn’t have a change in protocol planned.
Remember that all cycles are not alike. Using the exact same protocol on another attempt even at the same clinic can lead to different results.
Some clinics use medications to prevent embryo rejection (low dose corticosteroids, etc.), which may help your chances of success. Check with your clinic to see if they think it would make a difference for you.
Always repeat the directions for medication to the nurse and get your E2 level. If something seems wrong or unclear, ask for clarification.
Prior to the stimulation part of your cycle, make sure you and your partner discuss how many embryos or blastocysts you plan to transfer. (While remembering that your plan may have to change because of circumstances of the IVF!) If you think you will have extra embryos beyond what you want to transfer to avoid high order multiple risk, decide whether you will freeze them or discard them. Decide whether you would consider selective reduction. These are not things to discuss under pressure right before transfer!

BLOOD DRAW HINTS
Apply gentle pressure to the spot after the needle is removed for at least 5 minutes, as this will help reduce bruising.
Some people find that a butterfly needle is less painful for blood draws, others find it more painful. If you haven’t tried it, ask for the clinic to use one and see whether it will work for you.
Drinking lots of water or other fluid (without caffeine) an hour or two before blood is drawn usually makes it easier to find your veins.
If you are taking baby aspirin or heparin, remember that you will need to keep pressure on your blood draw site for longer than you normally would. (This is also true for your IV site after it is removed.)
If you know a place that is generally easier to get blood from, ask them to use that site rather than just trusting them to find the best site. (If you are careful to not let it bruise, they can use the same general area a few times.)
Remove the bandage within half an hour of the blood draw (unless you are on blood thinners then you should wait an hour or so just to be sure). This will help keep you from developing a tape allergy.
If you do develop a tape allergy, ask for Tegaderm or get the clear kind of 3M bandages called Nexcare and ask the clinic to use them. They often are less irritating than other forms of tape or band-aids.

GENERAL SHOTS HINTS
(For these, you must experiment and find what works best for you.)
Remember that not everyone finds the shots painful!
Before any shot, the person giving the shot should wash their hands thoroughly and dry them on a clean paper towel.
Wipe the rubber top of any medicine vial with an alcohol swab before drawing up the medicine.
Use a clean alcohol swab to thoroughly wipe the area to be injected. Do not touch the area with anything else until after the shot. If you are using any pain relieving methods (ice, flicking, EMLA cream, etc.) be sure to use them before you wipe the area with alcohol.
Some people find that icing the area beforehand helps lessen the pain.
If your shots are particularly painful, you can ask your doctor for a prescription for EMLA cream. It will deaden the area so the needle won’t hurt going in. (This will not prevent all pain, though, as often some of the pain from the shots is from the medication itself.)
Some people use Anbesol to deaden the skin before a shot.
Try flicking the spot where the shot is going to be injected a few times until it hurts. Then you can inject and it may be numb.
Try strongly depressing and applying pressure to the area with your alcohol-cleansed thumb for 60 seconds prior to injecting.
Remember if you are treating your injection site with ice or other pain control methods, be sure to cleanse the area with alcohol after treating and before injecting.
Some people find that lying down helps, but only if your partner still feels comfortable giving the shot that way.
Some people find that one side is less painful for the shots and if that is the case, you can keep doing the shots on the same side until soreness sets in.
For sub-q shots, some people find the thigh less painful than the stomach, and some people find the stomach less painful than the thigh. Try both and see what works best for you.
Sometimes the brand or type of needle may affect how much the shot hurts. They may be the same gauge but have different tips. If you are having a lot of pain with a shot and are using a small enough gauge needle (25-27 gauge or so), try seeing if a different brand will help.
Try a warm bath after your shot. You may find yourself looking forward to the bath, which will give you something positive to focus on.
Line up who will do your shots ahead of time and learn how to do them yourself in case you have to.
It may help to make up a daily chart of what medication to take. Leave blanks for the amount for the medications that the clinic will call to tell you how much to take. Put a check each time you take the medication to make sure you don't forget anything.
For IM shots, its important to inject medication into the right spot -- otherwise you can hit nerves, which can be really painful. Have a nurse at your clinic draw a circle on each hip to show exactly where the shots should go (they made need redrawing after a few days).
Sometimes, when giving an IM shot, the area a bit on the outside toward the hip can be less painful.
For IM shots in the hip your needles need to be at least 1 1/2" long. If you are giving the shot in the thigh your needle should only be 1" long.
The needle gauge is not important to the shot, but it may be important for pain. The larger number, the smaller the needle. (A 27-gauge needle is smaller than a 22 gauge.) If you use a different needle for drawing the medications and shooting, it may help, too.
Some medications need to be kept at certain temperatures, and the pharmacy and clinic don't always point this out to you. Read the labels or ask your pharmacist.
A good way to practice filling the syringe is to get an extra bottle of diluent and fill and empty the same syringe until you feel comfortable with this procedure.
Breathe in through your nose slow and deep while you the needle goes in and out slowly through your mouth the medicine is going in -- it can help keep you relaxed and while will help the shot not hurt so much!
Some people find that bending over a counter or a bed with your weight on the leg opposite the injection side is a very comfortable position for an IM hip injection.
When using the glass ampules, put them out on a clean paper towel and use another clean paper towel to break them. Then, once they are used, you can dispose of the glass tops by folding them into the paper towels. This avoids having little shards of glass all over your table.
For Lupron injections, insulin syringes seem to work especially well, because they come with very small needles.

PROGESTERONE HINTS
(For these, you must experiment and find what works best for you.)
There are many different options for progesterone, so you may be able to avoid the shots.
Do not refrigerate progesterone in oil. It will only make the shots more painful because the oil is thicker.
Do refrigerate progesterone suppositories.
Some clinics let you take progesterone suppositories rectally. It is much less messy, and they say it gets into your bloodstream just as effectively as doing it vaginally.
Oral progesterone is an option if your clinic will let you. Usually the dose is higher because it may not be absorbed as well.
The injection is much easier if you warm the progesterone beforehand. The oil thins out when heated and needs less effort to inject and bruises less. You can do this by holding the bottle of progesterone, or a syringe with the proper amount of progesterone in it, in your hand for a few minutes prior to the shot.
Progesterone is made in peanut and sesame oil (in the US anyway, not sure about overseas). If one form is particularly bothering you (lumps, rash, etc.) try switching to the other kind of oil. You may have a slight allergy to the original oil.
Progesterone in sesame oil is a tiny bit less viscous than progesterone in peanut oil, so it goes through small needles a little better.
Try not icing the area beforehand, if you can stand it. Chilling the muscle first may make it harder for the progesterone to dissipate.
Moist heat on the area may help dissipate the progesterone and make the area less painful. (Microwaveable heating pads are perfect for this!)
Massaging the area after the shot helps the progesterone dissipate.
If you have lumps forming, try to make sure the shot doesn't go right into one. If it does, it makes the shot extra painful.
Most clinics recommend that you do progesterone shots in larger needles because the oil is so much thicker than the other medications. You can use smaller needles (25 to 27 needles gauge work fine). The injection will take longer, but it may help reduce the pain and soreness from the shot. (It will not affect whether the progesterone itself is painful or forms lumps.)
Remember that progesterone often brings on pregnancy-like symptoms, and also makes your cycle longer. So, if you're on progesterone and have breast tenderness, etc., you aren’t necessarily pregnant and you will need to have a test to know for sure.
Remember that you can still be pregnant even if you seem to have started your period, so be sure to go for your blood pregnancy test before stopping progesterone support.

TRAVEL HINTS
Keep a watch on your normal time zone and take your medication according to that watch, rather than doing the math and trying to keep it straight.
Finding a hotel with a refrigerator in the room is helpful for keeping the medication at the right temp. Another option is a small, portable camping refrigerator.
Traveling to do IVF may make it less stressful for you. Getting prepared for the cycle is more stressful (things to do to get ready for the trip, etc.), but the cycle itself may be less stressful. You can do a lot of sightseeing and you may obsess less about the cycle that way than you would have if you were home and working. Also, you have fewer responsibilities to worry about and can concentrate on your cycle.
Bring loose clothes with you. You may be bloated and need looser clothes to be comfortable.
You may want to purchase a Diabetic Care case. It comes with space for your medications, needles, alcohol swabs, and even an ice pack to keep them chilled while you are traveling. They can easily be found at most medical supply companies or pharmacies.

POSITIVE THINKING AND DE-STRESSING HINTS
Try self-hypnosis tapes to keep your mind on warm and fuzzy thoughts.
Keep social contacts to a minimum.
Use the cycle as an opportunity to focus on yourself and on each other.
Try to relax and think positive.
For sanity sake, review the odds of success ahead of time. Some people try to stay as neutral as possible to avoid major ups and downs, others try to stay hopeful to help make all the procedures easier.
Try doing things to take your mind off the process. Visualization may just make the obsessing worse.
Try to manage stress in whatever way works best for you. Some suggestions are relaxation or deep breathing exercises, yoga, or meditation.

EGG RETRIEVAL AND EMBRYO TRANSFER HINTS
You will probably need at least the day after your retrieval off of work. You may be in pain or you may just be tired and need the rest. Levels of pain post-retrieval vary from person to person. Some people may have little or no pain and others may have a lot of pain. Be prepared for both extremes.
Prior to retrieval, remind your partner (or the nurse if your partner isn’t there) to keep pressure on your IV site for you once it is removed (especially if you are taking baby aspirin or heparin). You will still be a bit woozy and may not remember.
Often the medication used for sedation for retrieval is one that causes amnesia, so don't be worried if you cannot remember everything that happened. It is disconcerting, but not a problem. Remind your partner about this so that he doesn’t expect you to remember everything!
Some people have reported that the sedation used for retrieval can cause nightmares.
A heating pad on your belly may help with pain after egg retrieval.
If you are concerned about nausea during the retrieval, ask for something to stem nausea. A drug called Phenergan is a mild sedative and also will help keep you from vomiting or having nausea from other medications.
Have someone there to drive you back from retrieval and transfer.
Make sure that you tell them about any allergies. You may be given a narcotic pain killer afterwards. If you have problems with narcotic pain relievers, you can ask for a non-narcotic pain killer which may work just as well for you.
Eat a low fat diet for a few days before retrieval. Sometimes the embryos are stored in a vial of the mother’s blood, and they don't react well to fat (or is it lipids, or whatever), which can temporarily rise as a result of high dietary fat intake. (You can check with your clinic ahead of time to find out whether they use your blood or not.)
Some clinics suggest you avoid soaps, shampoos, and perfume on retrieval and transfer day as embryos can react poorly to odors.
Don’t wear fingernail polish to retrieval. Some clinics use a clip on your finger to read oxygen saturation levels during retrieval and fingernail polish will interfere with that.
Remember that not every follicle contains an egg, so don't be surprised if the number of eggs harvested is less or more than the number of follicles you've been watching develop.
If you have any significant pain within the first couple of days after retrieval, something may be wrong. LET YOUR CLINIC KNOW IMMEDIATELY! Some people have had a blood vessel nicked which led to internal bleeding so they had to go to the hospital for monitoring.
You may find it very hard to lie still for the required time after transfer (this varies some from clinic to clinic). You may want to bring extra pillows to make you comfortable, or some music to distract you.
Many clinics aren't requiring *any* post-transfer rest, as recent studies indicate it has no impact in success rate. If it helps you feel like you are doing everything you can, rest as much as you feel necessary.
Most clinics recommend you avoid the following after transfer: swimming, saunas, baths, intercourse, orgasms, lifting over 10 pounds, exercise that breaks out into a sweat. So, look forward to taking it easy!

Good luck!!!!!

Article from: http://www.fertilityplus.org

Preparing Your Body For IVF

2010-01-07T12:02:00.002-05:00

I have been preparing my body for this IVF cycle. I am keeping a positive attitude that this will work. I am using my guided imagery I was taught to do. Seeing myself with a baby in my arms and thinking my body is fertile and a safe place for a baby to grow in my uterus. I even had a couple of wonderful dreams where I was nursing my baby. Fear of course comes into play, but I try not to think about it. I just am thinking that this time my body is ready. I will get pregnant and I will hold this baby to term. I am eating healthy, only walking, doing yoga, and lifting light weights. I am also spending more time with my husband. I used to go to the gym every night and very rarely saw him. Now I am coming home, making a nice dinner and spending time together. We just purchased the Wii and we are having more laughs. Last weekend we spent most of it together, laughing and enjoying each other. This is very important to try to do. Remember why you got married.

I wanted to write how to prepare your body if you are thinking of going through IVF or are already going through it. I know many questions come up, “should I eat differently? Should my workouts change?” Well here is an article that will answer some of your questions. I did a website search and came across this article that I think will be helpful. I got this article from a website called Shared Journey. Website is at the bottom of this blog entry.

In Vitro Fertilization(IVF) treatment is a multi-stage fertility treatment, which may take around 20 to 25 days to complete. Although it is one of the best fertility treatments available, many couples find that it is also the most stressful. IVF is often undertaken only after other fertility treatments have failed, so if you're considering trying it, you're likely to be already feeling a degree of pressure and disappointment. As a woman, you will have to take pills and receive multiple injections of fertility drugs. You'll also have to have a number of tests, for example, ultrasound exams, so that your doctors can monitor your progress and implement each stage of the process at the optimal time. So just how do you prepare for such a grueling experience?

Goals
The key to IVF preparation is positive attitude and focusing on your long term goals. Before you begin each cycle of IVF, you should try visualizing your ideal outcome, namely, nursing your baby in your arms. When things get difficult, try to hold on to that image.
Three Areas Of Preparation
Good preparation for each cycle of IVF will increase your chances of a successful outcome, reduce the side effects you'll experience from fertility drugs, and help your body to recover afterwards. You might find it helpful to break down your preparation into three key areas: Nutritional, physical and mental.

Nutritional
About four to six weeks before each cycle of IVF you should begin thinking about your nutritional health. A healthy, balanced diet is very important as is adequate hydration (you should drink around two liters of water per day). Foods to avoid are chocolate, processed foods and foods with high sugar content. You should try to eat at least 60 mg of protein a day. This is important because low levels of protein in your body can cause you to produce fewer eggs. Try to get this protein from healthy sources, such as lean (possibly organic) meat, beans, lentils and fish. You should also reduce or cut out your consumption of caffeine and alcohol. Needless to say, cigarettes or illegal drugs are out of the question. If you are taking any prescription medication, make sure that your fertility specialist is aware of this. It can be a good idea to take a daily multivitamin, as certain vitamins can help you to produce eggs and create optimal conditions in your uterus for nurturing embryos. Talk to your fertility specialist before making any radical changes to your diet or starting on any course of vitamins or herbal supplements.

Physical
Being overweight or underweight can hamper your chances of getting pregnant through IVF. If you have either of these problems you should try to rectify them gradually or not via crash diets or highly strenuous exercise. Light exercises such as walking or yoga is safe, but aerobic exercise should be avoided. Make sure that you avoid cigarettes and smoky atmospheres, as the chemicals in cigarette smoke can affect the lining of your uterus. Avoid sitting for long periods in the same position as this can restrict blood flow. If you work on the computer all day, make sure you get up once in a while and walk around. You should also avoid hot baths, Jacuzzis and sun bathing. However, keeping the abdomen warm with a hot water bottle in the period leading up to the egg-harvesting and transfer stages can be helpful. Don't use the hot water bottle after transfer.

Mental
You must give yourself enough time to relax and recover from each cycle of treatment. If you try and live your life just as you did before you were having IVF, you will run into problems. You need to accept the changes it brings about in your energy levels and you should try to adjust your schedule to allow for that. Don't forget to spend time with your partner and communicate with him. You both will to talk about the IVF and your experiences, but also to focus on other things, the things you enjoy doing together. Lastly, you might find it easier to cope of with some of the stressful decision making that comes with IVF if you consider potential scenarios in advance. By discussing these with your partner and your doctor, you'll be in a better position to deal with them should they arise.

http://www.sharedjourney.com/

Come on ovaries, lets make multiple follicles!

2010-01-06T10:23:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I was so upset that my doctors nurse didn't call me with instructions. I had my cell phone by my side the whole day waiting for the call. Well she called my house and left a message.Why they would call my house is beyond me.
So anyways, my instructions are to decrease the Lupron to 5 units in the morning and to start Gonal-f RFF Pen, 225 units. Come in for bloodwork on Friday.

At first I was like, what! How do I do this? I am not a nurse!

I went to this website my doctor told me about. I went over and over how to use it and what to do. This is a great site.
http://www.freedommedteach.com/player/Videos.aspx

Again, my husband was there with me for moral support. Strictly moral support. He turns his head when I stick the needle in. This is also done in the stomach. Its very much like the Lupron.

This medication is used to treat certain fertility problems in women. It provides the hormone (FSH) that helps stimulate healthy ovaries to produce eggs. This medication is usually used in combination with another hormone (hCG) for the growth and release of a mature egg (ovulation).

The side effects of this medication are:
Headache, stomach pain, bloating, redness/pain at the injection site, breast tenderness/pain, or dizziness may occur.

All in all so far I have not had any problems. The only complaint I have are headaches. I have had this one headache for 3 days now. I do not want to take anything. I just take Tylenol. To be honest it hasn't relieved any of the pain. I am going to work, but at night I cant wait to go home and lay down. I haven't worked out at all for a few days because of the headaches. They are just painful. For the last couple of nights I have been going to bed early because the pain is so bad.
I just think to myself, "this is all for a good cause. I can do this."

The morning from hell but it turned out good.

2010-01-04T12:37:00.002-05:00

I had the morning from hell. I woke up early for my CD 2 blood work and ultrasound. I started writing in a journal as well. I want to record this whole process. I wrote in my journal that I am excited to start this cycle and I am up early to get the tests done.
So I left my house at 6:30 am. Feeling so good. Its was a nice day out the sun coming up. Then I hit traffic. The traffic is the worst I have ever seen it. An hour has gone by I wasn't even close to where I needed to be. I call the clinic and tell them I was going to late. I was so upset because I thought this cycle would be a bust if I didn't get those tests done. I was crying. I was so upset.
2 hours later, I finally got off the highway, still no where close to where I needed to be. I had to pee so bad I was in pain. I ran into a gas station and then called my husband. The traffic was not moving at all. I went a different route and got there in a half hour. I didn't get to the place till 9 am. I should of been there by 7:45 am.

My doctors nurse took my blood and the ultrasound tech did the ultrasound. They were very nice and very sympathetic. They said I wont get the blood result till tomorrow because they have to send it out, but it wont screw me up because I wouldn't be taking the new medication till tomorrow night. Thank god. I have never felt so relieved.

The ultrasound all looked good. Nothing alarming jumped out at her. She said its done to give them a base line for things. She is the wonderful tech I wrote about before. She has you fill this paper in. She tells you what everything is, etc. She is so great. The cysts that I had on my ovaries are gone so the birth control pills did the trick.

I told my husband when I have to have monitoring done I am staying at my mothers. (she lives 10 minutes away from the place). I just couldn't do that again. I was so stressed out. I was trying to some deep breathing exercises and tried to stay calm but it was so hard. I just was so scared that they would tell me I couldn't do this cycle because I missed the blood work and ultrasound. So it all worked out.

A sign maybe?

2010-01-03T10:46:00.003-05:00

January 3rd. This date has a couple of meanings. First my grandfather passed away 4 years ago today, my estimated due date for my second pregnancy is today, I would of had a one year old, and the start of my first IVF cycle is today.

Today is the first day of my cycle. My last birth control pill was on the 30th. They say to expect AF to come 3 to 5 days after. It was right on schedule. I go in tomorrow for blood work and ultrasound and then they will call me and tell me what to decrease and what medications to start. We are going to be our way. I feel good about this cycle. This date has always had meaning to me and I would like to think this is a sign that all is going to be ok.

You have to have faith through all this. Its the only thing that keeps you sane. Although through this journey I have had faith and things still went wrong, I still try to hold on to it.

It might be silly for some and many people may choose not to believe it, but would like to think of it this way. I would like to think that my grandfather is up there holding my baby angel and will make this cycle work.

I feel he is telling me, "it will all be alright Suzanne, we will make this happen."

A New Year

2009-12-31T10:47:00.002-05:00

"I hope 2009 brings us better luck and we have no more heartaches. I am looking forward to the new year. I am trying to be positive that 2009 is our year. That we will have our miracle baby. "

That was the first part of my entry in last years new years blog entry.

Well sad to say that wish never happened. 2009 was not a better year. We still had heartaches. As I was in the shower today I was thinking to myself. Instead of feeling sad that this wasn't a good year, what happened that was good about it.
Well, I was pregnant. Even though it was for 8 weeks, I cherished those weeks. I found the doctor I am with now. My new reproductive endocrinologist is amazing. I am in such a wonderful practice. After my third miscarriage I switched. They found out that I in fact had a uterine septum and I had surgery to fix it in November.We are now moving on to IVF and I couldn't be happier. I feel like its a sign that the IVF will be in January. New year, better luck.

Its so easy to say, "this year was horrible, I just want to look forward to the new year and put this past one behind me." Though I feel this way, I also feel that I am glad things happened. They say things happen for a reason. If I didn't miscarry with my third I wouldn't of switched doctors, they wouldn't have found the septum and I wouldn't of been in the middle of IVF. I probably would of kept miscarrying and not knowing the reasons.

I also found out alot about myself that I am working on. My whole body and soul has been reworked. I am in the best shape of my life and I am the healthiest I have been in years.
I workout now in moderation. I do yoga more now that works on my flexibility and mind. I eat healthy foods.I don't diet anymore,starving myself and restricting my eating to lose weight. I simply eat foods that are good for me. I am preparing my body for a healthy pregnancy.

I know this year with be our year. I can feel it. Although I said this before, I know its true this time. Most of this year I will be pregnant. I will be growing a beautiful baby. We will have our miracle baby. My blog entry for next year will say "what a wonderful year we had!"

2010, I am ready for you.

The Lupron Fog

2009-12-28T16:28:00.002-05:00

I started Lupron, also known as Leuprolide. Leuprolide is a man-made form of a hormone that regulates many processes in the body. Leuprolide overstimulates the body's own production of certain hormones, which causes that production to shut down temporarily. They want to stop ovulation for January's cycle, which is the IVF cycle.I started it yesterday. My husband was there and kind of gave me support. He is not good with needles, so I did that, but he was there, which was nice. You have to put the medication in a syringe and inject it 2 inches from your belly button. It didn't hurt at all. Today I felt like a pro doing it. I have to take 10 units every morning. Yesterday I was just very exhausted. I think I had to get used to it. I just slept and felt kind of drugged. I felt like I was in a fog all day. Today I feel much better. I am still tired and have a headache, but nothing I can't handle. I don't want to complain because its all for a good cause. Here are some side effects you get with Lupron.

The side effects are:
Acne, increased growth of facial hair
Dizziness, weakness, tired feeling
Hot flashes, night sweats, chills, clammy skin
Nausea, diarrhea, constipation, stomach pain
Skin redness, itching, or scaling
Joint or muscle pain
Vaginal itching or discharge
Breast swelling or tenderness
Impotence, loss of interest in sex
Depression, sleep problems (insomnia), memory problems
Redness, burning, itching, or swelling where the shot was given

I am one step closer to being a mom. I can see some light the end of the road and its getting brighter and brighter. I can't wait for this fog to lift. I am almost there...

Fear

2009-12-18T12:33:00.002-05:00

I have experienced many feelings in this journey. Some feelings repeat themselves. Sadness, anger, happiness, disappointment, jealously, hopelessness, guilt, and fear to just name a few. I am struggling with fear. I am so afraid that I will never experience a full term pregnancy and never have a child. As I was driving to work I was thinking of one of my cousins who got induced yesterday. Will I ever experience that? Will I ever get to experience the miracle of giving birth?

I received my box of medications in the mail last week. I have all the medications I need to hopefully fulfill this dream. It was a bit overwhelming, but I knew it would all help me.
I already started birth control pills. It seems so weird to be on them. I am starting Lupron on Decemeber 28th.

My goal is just to get through Christmas. Its so very hard. Last year was tough and now this year its hard again. I went to the mall one day and it just hurts seeing moms and dads pushing baby carriages and standing in line waiting to take a picture with Santa. As my husband and I were decorating the tree I couldn't help but think another Christmas without a son or daughter. It just doesn't seem fair. I would give anything to be able to put a stocking in between my husbands and mine. My fears come into play. I fear I will never get to do this.

I have to have faith that this 2010 will be our year. Good things will happen to us. I will be able to put my fears aside and will experience the feeling of happiness and excitement.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas.

"Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under a tree." ~ Charlotte Carpenter.

I believe

2009-12-09T15:49:00.003-05:00

I just got the new Andrea Bocelli Christmas CD on itunes. There is a song called I Believe. He sings it with Katherine Jenkins. This one song is so beautiful and the words are so true. Here are the lyrics. This song touched me so much.

One day I’ll hear the laugh of children
In a world where war has been banned
One day I’ll see men of all colors
Sharing words of love and devotion
Stand up and feel the holy spirit
Find the power of your faith
Open your heart to those who need you
In the name of love and devotion
Yes I believe
I believe in the people
0f all nations to join and to care for love
I believe in a world where
Light will guide us and giving our love
We’ll make heaven on earth

Yes I believe
I believe in the people
0f all nations to join and to care for love
I believe in a world
And giving our love
We’ll make heaven on earthI believe

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc_7ZJdv1o0

I have a visitor.

2009-12-09T09:18:00.003-05:00

Many months I wish she never showed up. I usually pray she stays far away. But this month I couldn't wait for her to come. Yes you guessed it, my Aunt Flo aka menstrual cycle. My poor husband doesn't even know how to respond anymore. I told him that I finally got my period, his response, "Is that good or bad". Poor guy.

I feel like I am moving to a new chapter in my journey. Its a whole new world my therapist says. Yes, I do see a therapist and I find it very helpful. Through this whole journey I have been having to deal with so many feelings. Its been a roller coaster that I needed to get a handle on. I go to a place that deals with the mind and body. They have therapist, nutritionist, yoga and acupuncture.

What I like about the therapist is her patients are all dealing with infertility. She really knows where I am coming from. I have learned I need to get my body healthy to obtain a pregnancy. I was exercising at a high intensity level, 6 to 7 days a week, 2 to 3 hours a day, and I wasn't eating very well. Sometimes I would eat just two meals a day. I would constantly count calories and weigh myself every day. That's where the nutritionist came into play. I knew in the back of my mind that I had a problem. I felt like I was spiraling out of control. My body image was completely distorted. I always thought I was fat, was always on a diet, and I needed to workout everyday. I was diagnosed with having an eating disorder.

As I look back on my life I can pretty much say it has been going on for a very long time. In my early teens I remember always being on a diet and working out, in my 20's I would take diet pills and again workout to the extreme. The eating disorder resurfaced before my wedding and then resurfaced again after my first miscarriage. I felt this was the only way I could have control of my body. When I miscarried I had no control, I couldn't prevent it or stop it. This was the only way I could control it. Its been a secret I have been dealing with and it felt really good to get it off my chest. Although I am ashamed and have not told my family, just my husband, I feel like I am on my way to recovery. Its a long road and I have to retrain my minds thinking. I can't eat out in restaurants because it gets me very nervous. I don't know how they make the food and the not knowing the calories really sets me off.

When I look back on when I was pregnant, I would be very scared about gaining weight. I would gain weight very fast because I would eat better and add carbs to my diet. This used to make be very nervous. I would go on the scale every day and get so upset. I have so much guilt. Did I cause my miscarriages because my body didn't like gaining weight.
I am still dealing with that part of guilt.

I had a realization a couple of weeks ago. I was sitting with my therapist and I told her we decided to do IVF. I said I have 2 months to get on track. I need to do it now! She said do you think you can do it? I said yes, I want to be a mom more than anything.

My workouts are now just walking, not getting my heart rate above 130 for 30 minutes, strength training with low weights and yoga. I think the yoga has helped out tremendously. Its quiets my mind and lets me relax. Fertility yoga is my favorite.

Now with Aunt Flo here we are moving to the next step. Its a two month process. This month I am on birth control pills to shrink cysts I have on my ovaries and prevent new ones from forming, then next month is the IVF.

I know I have alot of work to do. I see my therapist every other week now and the nutritionist every month. I also have to do alot of work on my own. This is the only body I have. I cant trade it in for a new one and I really need to have it be as healthy as it can be. I need to make it a safe place for a baby.

I urge you to talk to someone if you need to. Don't be ashamed or feel that you can deal with things on your own. You are not weak, you are in fact strong. This whole process is very hard to deal with, emotionally and sometimes physically. Most fertility centers offer therapists to talk to. Here are a few websites I found helpful.

http://www.fertilityneighborhood.com/

www.resolve.org/

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

I wish you all well in your journeys to motherhood. You are not alone.

Namaste.

Tick tock

2009-12-07T15:38:00.003-05:00

I have learned the power of patience through all this. I am now waiting for Aunt Flo to come so I can start my IVF cycle. I was giving estrogen after the surgery to build up the lining in the uterus and then they gave me progestin to bring my menstrual cycle on, but still nothing. I sometimes think my body is on strike and just refuses to cooperate. I thought it would come first week of December, I would be put on birth control pills for 21 days to shrink my cysts and make sure no new ones form and then in January I will get the IVF. Now it looks like its we are going to be delayed a bit.

My insurance didn't approve the PGD testing. I went to see my doctor and he suggested I didn't do it. He said if you my kids I would tell you not to waste your money. So we decided to just do the IVF. I am hoping my problem was my septum and since that's gone I should be good to go.

I just want to get this process moving. I can't wait to start the new year. I am ready to put 2009 behind me.

It still hurts

2009-11-24T16:35:00.002-05:00

Time has healed some of my wounds, but not all. It still hurts to see a mom with her child, my sister in law pregnant and announcing its a girl on facebook, an empty bedroom in my house that should of been the nursery, baby's first Christmas ornaments and just thinking that yet another holiday is here and I am still not a mother.

I often listen to books on cd in my car because I have an hour commute. The author reading was talking about her mother. The image that comes to her when she thinks of her is Maria Lactans, Mary as a nursing mother. She said she once asked her mother , "When you were a little girl, what did you dream about becoming? There was no hesitation, she said a mother."

This made me think of my own life. I have always said that as well. I never dreamed of becoming a doctor, lawyer, or an astronaut when I was little. I never really wanted a huge career. I just wanted to be a wife and mother. I remember playing dolls and pretending I was their mother all through my childhood. I couldn't wait to be older and get married and be a mom. I loved to babysit and take care of babies. I loved to babysit my nieces. I loved when people would mistake me for their mother. I never corrected them. For a moment I was a mother and I loved that feeling.

I am not giving up on my dream just yet. I am a fighter and have alot of fighting left in me. I am looking forward to 2010 and leaving 2009 as just a memory. I think all this will just make me a better mother.

Someday I can look at my baby and say, "I have waited a long time for you and I am going to be the best mother I can for you."

Maybe then my heart wont ache anymore.

Is that some light I see?

2009-11-18T11:25:00.004-05:00

We are another step closer.
I just came back from my post op appointment. I really like the Doctor. He was the surgeon and he is the director of the fertility clinic I go to. He sat us down and said he was going to go through everything with us. My husband was there with me. All my tests I had (I did an observation cycle the month previous to this one), the surgery, and what the next steps we need to take.
All my tests are fine. The surgery went well. I had a 2 cm septum. He said is this why you miscarried, he cant say for sure, but at least that is out of the picture now.

He said I have 3 options, try on our own, IUI or IVF with PGD. We are going for the IVF. The PGD is preimplantation genetic diagnosis on the embryos. They will test the chromosomes to make sure they are normal before they put them in me. I am so happy they are going to do this. Hopefully, it will be covered by insurance. I asked what the criteria was for them to cover. It is 3 miscarriages, the doctors recommendation, and 35. I will be 35 in April so I hope they cover it the testing. I think I will do it anyways if it isn't covered. I think it is worth it and it will just give me peace of mind that the embryos they put in me are ok chromosomal.

Its a two month process. I will get my period in 3 weeks, then I am put in birth control pills and then the next period they put the embryos in me. So I think we are looking at January. That will be a month shy of 2 years since we started the whole trying to conceive process. There are alot of shots, medicine involved and my odds for twins goes up. I would love twins!

So that's were we are at. I am so much closer, I can feel it. I need this nightmare to end. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have a feeling 2010 is going to be our year.

A great book for those who love yoga.

2009-11-06T10:31:00.005-05:00

I just finished reading Enlightment for Idiots by Anne Cushman. This is her first novel. She is a is a contributing editor to both Yoga Journal and Tricycle: The Buddhist Review and the coauthor of From Here to Nirvana, a seeker’s guide to spiritual India.
This book was great. She takes you to India and if you love yoga you will appreciate this book.

Here is what it is about.

Nearing age thirty, Amanda thought she’d be someone by now. Instead, she’s just herself: an ex-nanny, wannabe yogini who cranks out “For Idiots” travel guides just to scrape by. Yes, she has her sexy photographer boyfriend, but he’s usually gone—shooting a dogsled race in Alaska or a vision quest in Peru—or just hooking up with other girls. However, she’s sure her new assignment, “Enlightenment for Idiots,” will change everything; now she will become the serene, centered woman she was meant to be. After some breakup sex, she’s off to India to find a new, more spiritual life.What she finds, though, is an ashram run by investment bankers, a yoga master who trashes her knee, and a guru with a weakness for fashion models. She escapes a tantra party at the Taj Hotel, has a nasty argument outside the cave where the Buddha used to meditate, then agonizes through the ten-day meditation retreat that’s supposed to make her feel better.No, India is not what she’d pictured. But she finds a friend in Devi Das, a red-headed sadhu who refers to himself as “we.” And when a holy lunatic on the street offers her an enigmatic blessing, Amanda realizes a new life might be in store for her—just not the one she was expecting.

One step closer

2009-11-06T10:21:00.002-05:00

I am one step closer to motherhood. I can feel it. I had the uterine septum surgery on Wednesday. I am recovering from it. The doctor put me on estogen to help heal the uterus faster.
Please talk to your doctors if you have had recurrent pregnancy loss. Please don't take that it is bad luck as a reason.
Make sure you have a hysteroscopy. This is a way they can look inside your uterus. Also, please remember my story. One doctor told me I had a uterine septum, I had the surgery with another doctor and she said no I don't have one, I miscarried my third and I had another hysteroscopy with a new doctor, he said that I fact had one and now here I am with it finally out. If they left it alone I would miscarry again. Also what no one knew about and thank god I had the hysteroscopy, was that I had products of conception still in my uterus. So if you went natural with your miscarriages please ask for a hysteroscopy to make sure everything is out of the uterus.
The doctor also told me I would miscarry if the baby implanted there as well.

So I feel that I am one step closer to motherhood. I will be a mom.

Much love,
Suzanne

Yoga for Fertility and Conception

2009-10-28T16:26:00.000-04:00

I recently found this article in Yoga Journal Magazine. I thought I would pass this along to you. I hope you find it helpful and informative. The consensus with trying to get pregnant is relaxation. Relaxing your mind and body. I guess there is truth to when doctors would say ‘just relax and it will happen”. It used to make me upset but as I have been reading and doing some research I have found that most success rates happen in infertility clinics when patients get involved in either yoga, acupuncture, and meditation. I have been trying to get more involved in the mind and body experience. I have been doing acupuncture, yoga and I have been listening to cds in the car on relaxation and breathing.

Here is the article I found that I would like to pass on to you. I urge you to try some of these postures. Put a relaxing cd and try these postures. Jaki Nett answered this question. Jaki Nett is a certified Iyengar Yoga instructor in St. Helena, California, and a faculty member of the Iyengar Yoga Institute of San Francisco. She teaches public classes in the San Francisco Bay Area and leads workshops in the United States and Europe, including specialty workshops on female issues.

Question: Which type of yoga class has the best possible benefits to aid fertility and conception?

Answer: Restorative yoga class—a class where the body, mind, and spirit learn the art of relaxation. A woman's desire to conceive can be overpowering and can drive her to the point of obsession. If this happens, sometimes logic is overlooked and stress becomes the foundation for coitus.
Since it is the woman's body and mind that has to be healthy and free of stress, it is her responsibility--with the unwavering support of her partner--to create the most favorable conditions for conception. To start the process both partners should have a comprehensive physical and psychological examination to determine that they are both without physical and mental conditions that could block conception.
To further alleviate stress about trying to conceive, start mapping your cycle of fertility. When entering a fertile time, start practicing restorative poses. As you practice, soften the abdominal area and begin to consciously remove tension from around the uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries.
My teacher, Geeta S. Iyengar, author of Yoga a Gem for Women (Allied, Publishers Limited, 1983), writes extensively on women's issues. She stresses the importance of practicing several asanas to aid in conception. Salamba Sirsasana (Supported Headstand), Salamba Sarvangasana (Supported Shoulderstand) , and Setu Bandha Sarvangasana (Supported Bridge Pose) are recommended because of their hypothesized effects on hormonal balance.

She also recommends the following poses:

Forward bends—To make the poses more restorative, place a chair in front of you and rest your head and arms on the seat for support, or use a bolster for support.
Dandasana (Staff Pose)
Baddha Konasana (Bound Angle Pose)
Janu Sirsasana (Head-to-Knee Forward Bend)
Paschimottanasana (Seated Forward Bend)
Upavistha Konasana (Wide Angle Pose)
Malasana (Garland Pose)

Reclining Poses—These poses are helpful because they open and elongate the abdominal area.

Bound Supta Baddha Konasana (Reclined Bound Angle Pose)
Supta Virasana (Reclined Hero's Pose)

I also recommend Viparita Karani (Legs-Up-the-Wall Pose) after coitus (which will theoretically keep the sperm inside the body and close to the opening of the uterus) to encourage the opportunity for sperm penetration. Before coitus set up for Viparita Karani (Legs-Up-the-Wall Pose). As you move into and out of the pose, keep the abdominal area soft-your partner can assist you to make this possible. The amount of time you spend in Viparita Karani is up to you.
To set up for Viparita Karani: Fold a sticky mat into quarters and place it two inches from the wall. Place a round bolster or a firm folded blanket on top of the sticky mat with the back edge of the bolster or blanket in line with the back edge of the mat. Place the buttocks on top of the bolster with the sitting bones as close to the wall as possible and the legs up the wall. The tailbone should tilt toward the ceiling so that the vaginal area is pointing upward. The shoulders, arms, and head rest on the floor. Once in the correct pelvic position, allow the legs to soften and bend the knees to allow the abdominal and pelvic floor to relax.

I hope you found this helpful and will give it a try.

Namaste.

Miles

2009-10-26T13:12:00.000-04:00

Some days are worse than others. Reminders are constantly around me. I feel like I am going down a downward spiral and I am trying to catch my breath. I have to say that all this is the worst thing I have ever had to endure in my life.
This weekend I did rather well. I have been listening to self-help books. Dr.Weil’s Breathing techniques and Dr Wayne Dyer on positive thinking. Yesterday I spent the day with my husband going on a long walk, cooking, and having a nice Sunday dinner together. It really was a good day.
This morning I woke up very depressed and just very down on what has been going on. I had a meeting today at work. It was a small meeting this one man, woman and me. We are all sitting at this table and the woman was pregnant. I asked when she was due and she said March 18th. My last pregnancy was due March 25th. It was like a stab in the heart. I should have had the cute little belly she had. All through the meeting I kept on looking at her belly. I was so jealous of her. It’s so hard to try to breath and try to think positive. How can you when you have to encounter constant reminders that you are not pregnant. You were but they got taking away from you. It just a lot to handle.
I cant tell you how many things I get in the mail no matter how many times I tell them to take me off the mailing list. I got a catalog on all first birthday things. I would have had a one-year on November 4 th. I should be picking out Halloween costumes for my little ones.
Instead I am still childless and I am not pregnant. It’s so very hard and I am trying to get through this one day at a time. But I think of how much time as gone already.

My favorite saying and what I keep on repeating to myself is, “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."by Lao Tzu.

How many miles do I have to go to become a mother?

Another hurdle

2009-10-22T13:09:00.002-04:00

I wonder how many hurdles I have to have to go through in my life. I recently changed doctors. I am at a new Fertility Clinic. I am in the evaluation cycle. The new doctor wanted to do alot of the tests that I already had done before again. Because I had a loss after all the testing he wanted to redo things to see if they missed something. He also felt better that he would be doing the tests. One of the test I had to do over was an Office hysteroscopy. You can look back in my blog to see what happened but to brief, I had it in March, the doctor that did it found that I had a uterine septum. I had surgery in April to fix it but when the doctor went in she said it wasn't a septum it was just a heart shaped uterus and left it alone.

The new doctor wanted to do another hysteroscopy to look at the septum again and because I had another loss he wanted to see in the uterus to see if anything was there from the 3rd pregnancy.

Today I had the procedure. The doctor came in and did the hysteroscopy. It wasn't my doctor who did it because my doctor is on vacation but he said that he read up on all that was happening to me. He saw the septum right away. I in fact have a septum. I explained to him what happened. The doctor said nope its definitely a septum. It is a centimeter. I clearly see it on here. If you get pregnant and it lands on it you will miscarry. A uterine septum has no blood supply. So if an embryo attaches on it, it wont survive. I also have placenta still in there from my last miscarriage that needs to come out. He said if you got pregnant and it lands on it, you would miscarry again.

He can't say for sure if the placenta is from my second miscarriage or this past one. I am hoping its from my last one. I had a d&c with my second and if they missed that, that wouldn't be good.

So I have to have surgery on Nov 4th. He will fix the septum and take the placenta out.
He was very nice. He said you have been through so much. Its time to fix this. He said I don't know who did the surgery last time but I have to do some research on her. He was kind of pissed that a doctor would do that. He clearly sees I have a septum.

So I wont be getting pregnant again for about another couple of months.

I am just very sad that it could of been fixed in April when I had the surgery and maybe prevented the last miscarriage. I think of all the time that has past. My last miscarriage could of been prevented.

I think of this being another hurdle I need to overcome. I have been think of this a positive, not a negative. I am one step closer on having the baby I so much want to have.

Please remember to get second and maybe third opinions. This is the third fertility clinic I have been to. I knew deep down inside there was something wrong. I didn't want to except them telling me its just back luck. I have to get this uterus all fixed up so I can make it a nice home for my future baby.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

2009-10-14T10:50:00.004-04:00

I can't believe there has to be such a day. Our babies should not of been lost. They should all be with their moms and dads. Growing inside of us or babies growing into toddlers.
Life doesn't work that way. Life doesn't always seem to go so smoothly.

October 15th is a day to remember all pregnancies and infants lost in order to heal and be comforted in a time of pain and heartache, and to have hope for the future.

Pregnancy & Infant loss occurs much more often in our country than people might believe. Close to 2000 families are affected by this tragedy each year. Miscarriage occurs in 20 to 30 % of all confirmed pregnancies. 75 to 80 % of miscarriages occur within the first 12 weeks of conception, sometimes so early that a woman may not even know she is pregnant, it is therefore believed that 50 % of all conceptions result in miscarriage. Ectopic pregnancy occurs in 2 to 3 % of all conceptions. Molar pregnancy occurs in 1 out of 1000 pregnancies, 4 of every 1000 births ends with a stillborn baby and almost 1 of every 100 births results in a baby who dies during the first 28 days of life (not including SIDS which occurs 2 per 100) Chances are, we all know someone who has been affected by pregnancy or infant loss.
Stillbirth is one of the most misunderstood "accidents," often viewed as an unfortunate, but minor, nonevent by those outside the family. Not everyone understands the emotional investment parents put into their unborn children, in some cases even before that child is conceived. The hopes, dreams, plans, love and anticipation are real, even if no one has yet seen this child.
Families who suffer this tragedy need sensitive caregivers, understanding friends and supportive family members.
Yes, awareness is important. A supportive environment can make all the difference in how parents incorporate this loss, this precious child, into their lives in a healthy manner.

Why Have an Awareness Month?
Because life, even the tiniest life, is special
Because life, even the tiniest life, must be remembered
Because parents want to remember.

I want to take this time to remember my 3 babies. I will never forget the joy I felt when I found out I was pregnant. A life was growing inside me. I created a life with my husband. What an amazing feeling it was. Sadly, the feeling didn't last. My first miscarriage was at 5 weeks. Our second miscarriage was a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks and the last one was a blighten ovum. To this day I have not forgotten my three blessings. My three miracles I created with my husband. I am a mom, to 3 beautiful angels.

http://www.october15th.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Relaxation

2009-10-02T10:38:00.002-04:00

Why is relaxation so good for us?
1) Restores our energy.
We often forget that we have a limited amount of energy to expend, and push ourselves beyond that threshold daily. However, in order to keep generating more energy, we need to let our bodies rest. Think of energy like the fuel you put into your vehicle. If you don't keep refilling the tank, the car will eventually stop. Our bodies are the same way. Just by making a point to sit and do nothing periodically and get enough sleep each night, we allow our batteries to recharge and we generate more energy we can then devote to our work and recreational activities.
2) Repairs our bodies.
Our bodies are designed to repair themselves from the daily wear and tear we impose on them, and this most often happens while we rest. Most of us tend to skimp on our sleep time and push ourselves beyond our physical limits every day, which prevents us from achieving optimal health and wellness. If we are constantly on the move and not getting enough sleep, we are using most of the energy we have to keep going. That means our bodies cannot devote enough energy to healing and we suffer from fatigue or illness. By granting ourselves time to rest, we are allowing our bodies the opportunity to direct our energy to healing and restoration. Another important consideration is to eat lightly before resting, because digestion of heavy meals requires a lot of energy too. By eating small, light meals of nutritious food, we not only give our bodies a break from the intense work of digestion (which leaves more energy for healing and repair work), we also provide more energy in the form of quality fuel, which can also be used to create better health.
3) Calms our thoughts and improves focus.
Just as we tend to push our bodies past their limits, our minds are constantly on the move too. Ask anyone who has an intellectually demanding job - heavy thinking can be just as draining as physical exertion. Excessive worry can also wear us down, as can constant mental chatter or any kind of mental strain. When we set aside time to relax, we should also focus on quieting our thoughts and letting our minds rest. This can often be more restorative than the physical aspects of relaxation. Another great effect is that our calm mental state improves concentration and allows us to focus better.
4) Lifts our mood.
Relaxation can also help us to feel happier. Whether we let our thoughts drift aimlessly, read a good book, or listen to soothing music, just the act of resting relieves stress and allows us to feel content. We can even take a more proactive role in improving our mood during periods of rest and enhance the effect. Rather than letting our thoughts drift aimlessly, we can choose to think about things that make us feel happy, like our loved ones, friends, or pets. We can call up warm memories of good times, or imagine a beautiful sunset. Remember that our thoughts usually determine our mood. If we think happy thoughts, we feel happy.
5) Stimulates our creativity.
Creativity is one of those things that gets stronger the more we focus on it, but stress and busyness disconnect us from the creative potential within us. When we finally stop rushing and set aside our worries, we create a harmonious forum for our creativity to flourish. This happens for a few reasons: First, we are not so distracted by external stimulus and can hear ourselves think again. We're more open to creative insights. Secondly, inactivity allows us to feel more connected with our inner selves, which is the source of our creative energy. And finally, creativity is a form of ENERGY, which we naturally have more of when we rest and relax.
Though it may seem counterproductive to set aside time to relax in the midst of a busy schedule, doing so can actually help us to increase our productivity, accomplish more in less time, and feel happier overall. Sounds good to me!

I have been doing some relaxation techniques. I feel they have helped me tremendously. Before I get ready for work I put on my ipod and I have some relaxation music on. I try to picture my body getting relaxed, me in a beautiful place, and my uterus excepting a healthy pregnancy.

When I drive to work I listen classical music for about 15 minutes. I do some deep breathing exercises and let myself listen to the beautiful music. Deep breathing is great for you. It releases toxins in your lungs. I look at the trees and the sky and feel very relaxed and blessed. I am alive, I am healthy, and I will be a mom. I sometimes cry because the music moves me.For the remainder of my commute I listen to books on CD. The voices are very soothing and nice to listen to.

I think its very important to use some techniques to let the body relax and stay calm. I remember with my last pregnancy I was so anxious and nervous my chest hurt. I bet that wasn't good for the baby or myself.

When I get pregnant again I am going to try to relax and enjoy every moment. I think with these relaxation techniques it will be very helpful to me.

Fall Decorations

2009-09-30T16:47:00.009-04:00

Some outside fall decorations. Pottery Barn was my inspiration.

Talking with my uterus

2009-09-30T16:02:00.003-04:00

Yes you read that right. I did the Body Dialogue with my therapist last night. As I explained before in my previous post, Body Dialogue is a process in which you are guided into a deeply relaxed state and into a dialogue with the part of their body that needs healing. In my case,my reproductive organs. In that dialogue, the person connects with and listens to the wisdom of the body and what it needs to heal. I actually talked with my reproductive organs and asked them what they need from me.
She said I did very well. It was a very different experience.
What I got from it is that I need to relax more. Maybe do some relaxation and yoga. I am going to really try to do yoga 4 times a week. I have not been good at doing it lately and I really want to make an effort and commit myself to do this. I think this is what I need.

I also got crystal healing stones. The Pregnancy/Birthing Set includes the following genuine crystals:

* Green Moss Agate is a birthing crystal that lessens the physical pain of birth and ensures a good delivery. This is also a stone of new beginnings.
* Nephrite Jade assists with fertility and childbirth.
* Moonstone helps the reproductive system and is an excellent stone for conception, pregnancy, childbirth, and breast feeding. It also provides significant aid during the birthing process.
* Unakite treats the reproductive system and aids healthy pregnancy.
* Blue Chalcedony is used by Mothers to increase lactation, and it also fosters the maternal instinct.Quartz Crystal reduces physical and mental restlessness during pregnancy, and redirects positive energy in the right direction.

I am not sure if it works but I feel its well worth a try. I really want to go for the more spiritual approach and do everything in my power to conceive and carry a healthy baby to term.

I honestly believe your mind is so powerful. If you think and believe things will work out, they will.

I saw a new RE today. He was fabulous and I am so happy I found him. He said something to me that really stuck in my mind. He said this is tough what you went and what you are going through. 50% of marriages end in divorce without these problems. When this is thrown in the equation the number goes up to 70%. If you and your husband can get through this then you are better than all of us. You marriage will be so much stronger. He said you will also appreciate what you have more. A baby and a great marriage. Which is true. He said he is certain and confident that I will have a baby.

I have to have that as my goal. I will have a great marriage and we will get through this together and we will have a beautiful healthy baby someday... and oh my what a precious gift it will be.

Interesting article and new direction I will be going in.

2009-09-23T10:53:00.003-04:00

I decided I needed to see a therapist. I have been feeling very overwhelmed, depressed and I have been having a lot of anxiety lately. I went to see her last night. She is a marriage and family therapist and also a Reiki master.
She gave me an article she wrote (see below) and I have to say I find it very interesting. We are going to do the Body Dialogue next week. Body Dialogue is a process in which she will guide me into a deeply relaxed state and into a dialogue with the part of their body that needs healing, in my case my reproductive organs. In that dialogue, the person connects with and listens to the wisdom of the body and what it needs to heal. I will be "talking” to my reproductive organs and asking them what they need from me. OK, I know what you are thinking I have totally lost it. But reading that article I think our minds and bodies need to work together. I want to have a baby and be pregnant but my body doesn't want to get pregnant and have a baby. I need for my mind in body to be in sync with each other. I told her that I feel my body is just rejecting being pregnant. It’s not lasting more that 6 weeks. She then said that we need to definitely need to try this. I might also look into the Reiki if this doesn't work. I also need to get back into my Fertility yoga. I have been slacking in the working out department. I am just too tired at night, aka depressed. I need to work through this all and get back on track. I think it will help me mentally and physically.

Here is the interesting article.

Enhancing Fertility with Reiki and Mind/Body TechniquesBy Ulrike Dettling, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Reiki Master Teacher
We have seen tremendous changes in the recent past regarding new fertility technology, the changing roles of women in society, environmental changes affecting both men and women (and animals) and their reproductive functioning, childbearing at a later age for many women, new opportunities for lesbian women to bear and raise children with or without the use of reproductive technology, international adoption etc. etc. This article cannot possibly address all those changes and factors affecting fertility. Nor can it address all the psychological issues a couple is faced with struggling with fertility(1). The focus of this article is to present a program of mind/body techniques and Reiki which I have developed in my practice to support women/couples in their quest to become parents.An estimated 25 % or more of all pregnancies naturally end in miscarriage. 1 in 4 women experiences miscarriage, 1 in 300 women experiences 3 or more miscarriages in a row (Laura Mosedale, "Miscarriage: The Silent Loss" in: Child, June 1993, p. 85) The loss of miscarriage has been a taboo and generally the woman/couple do not receive the same kind of social support they would, nor are there the same kind of societal rituals, as when a death of a loved one in the family had occurred, even though a miscarriage is an equally devastating loss to the couple(2). Often there has been shame or stigma around issues of infertility and thus silence. Many couples do not disclose their struggles around fertility even to close friends and family members. Many marriages are pushed to the brink, when fertility issues arise. A lot of the tension for the couple stems from the lack of emotional support around this issue and the ongoing emotional ups and downs of the cycle of hope and despair, as the couple is trying to conceive and carry a pregnancy to term.I developed this program in my attempt to help women/couples with the stresses of the struggle with fertility. My intention was to help these women/couples cope with the stresses, to relax and find peace, to deal with the trauma of multiple losses, the grief, the cycles of hope and despair, the emotional ups and downs due to hormonal changes, the anxiety and distrust in one's own body that comes from unsuccessfully trying to conceive and carry a pregnancy to term, the self-blame.I am no medical expert in fertility issues. I learned a lot from my clients about the different medical options and procedures as well as from doing some reading and research on my own. I worked with the tools that I have at my disposal: counseling skills, mind/body techniques, hypnotherapy and Reiki (a form of energy healing that is deeply relaxing and removes trauma from the cellular consciousness in the body(3). A few years later, I found confirmation of the approach that I had been using with clients in Niravi Payne's book The Language of Fertility. Ms. Payne, a psychotherapist, had developed a holistic approach to fertility called the Whole Person Fertility Program(TM).According to the R.L.Vandenbergh study, women who had suffered from recurring miscarriages who worked in psychotherapy to express their anger directly rather than contain it in their bodies had a success rate of 80% for maintaining subsequent pregnancies. The women in the study, who did not enter into therapy, had a success rate of only 6%. (C. Northrup, Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, NY: Bantam Books 1994, p. 363) Like Niravi Payne, I believe that clients can benefit from this work greatly, even if it doesn't lead to the birth of a child. Learning to cope with the stressors of the struggle with fertility in itself is a great gift to these highly-stressed couples. Finding other ways of having children in one's life, opening up other possibilities, surrendering, developing one's own creativity(4) can be helpful to the couple that's stuck in a vicious cycle of desperate attempts to get pregnant and loss.Given the number of clients I have worked with regarding fertility issues (maybe 20-30) since 1998 and the uniqueness of their situations, I cannot give out any meaningful statistics or generalize from my experience. Some clients come for just one or two sessions, and I may never see or hear from them again, or I may hear a year later that they gave birth to their child; others come on a regular basis for treatments or learn how to treat themselves with Reiki and self-hypnosis. Looking back on my experiences with clients, I realize that more treatments do not necessarily mean greater success. In some cases, all it took to conceive and carry a healthy pregnancy to term was one session or a healing crystal.My clients included women undergoing IUI, IVF and egg donor procedures; lesbian couples; women suffering from endometriosis; painful, debilitating periods; ectopic pregnancies; repeated miscarriages; 'unexplained infertility'; scar tissue in fallopian tubes; low FSH; thyroid dysfunction; depression; women whose partner's sperm count was too low; women experiencing 2ndary infertility(5). Some of these women were using acupuncture, herbs, homeopathy, nutrition, exercise as complementary healing modalities. Some women/couples were participating in mind/body programs for infertility at hospitals, support groups, individual or couples psychotherapy. The age range was between 30-45. There are too many variables to present any conclusive research evidence, apart from the fact, that there was no control group.To protect clients' confidentiality I have changed identifying information. Clients have given me permission to share their stories in public.The first client was a psychotherapy client who had been suffering from severe endometriosis. She had had surgery, but developed the endometriosis again a few months later. She was afraid of having another (unsuccessful) surgery and not being able to bear children. I offered to do the Body Dialogue with her, a process in which I guide the person into a deeply relaxed state and into a dialogue with the part of their body that needs healing. In that dialogue, the person connects with and listens to the wisdom of the body and what it needs to heal(6). After just one session of Body Dialogue, the endometriosis disappeared and the person is now the biological mother of a happy 2 1/2 yr. old.Another, lesbian client who suffered from endometriosis (for which she had had surgery), severely debilitating painful periods and clinical depression became the mother of twins with the help of reproductive technology, the use of a relaxation tape and supportive psychotherapy.With both these psychotherapy clients, I could not integrate Reiki as a treatment modality(7).Even more stunning were the results of two other cases, one from my own experience, one from the experience of a trusted Reiki Master colleague. Both of us had superiors in our work places (in one instance a program director at a hospital, in the other the CEO of a big corporation) who had been through years of unsuccessful IVF treatments, unable to maintain the pregnancies of the implanted embryos. These two high-powered women were quite distressed and feeling out of control about their inability to carry a pregnancy to term. As it was not appropriate for us to do touch therapy with these two women, what we offered them instead was an egg-shaped crystal as a symbol of fertility charged with Reiki III healing energy. Both of us advised these two executives to hold on to this crystal and receive its healing energy whenever they felt anxious or distressed about their pregnancy, which they did quite frequently, in staff meetings, at the office, at the hospital, at doctors visits, at home, wherever they went. In both cases, for the first time in years, the women maintained their pregnancy and gave birth to a healthy child. There had been no other complementary intervention, in addition to the regular medical IVF treatments that they had been undergoing, than the healing crystal.The cases described above made me wonder whether the healing power of the subconscious mind and Reiki are underutilized in the treatment of infertility. The following case history convinced me that the subconscious/body mind (in conjunction with Reiki) can supercede medical diagnoses and interventions.This woman had been referred to me by acolleague, who had prior experience helping a client ovulate and conceive using energy healing.(8) She believed that I would be able to help this client with Reiki. During the intake, the client revealed a long history of unsuccessful IVF treatments over the last 2 years, 7 miscarriages and a life-threatening ectopic pregnancy. Both allopathic and holistic doctors had told this 40 yr. old woman that she would not be able to conceive naturally, as her left fallopian tube had been removed after the ectopic pregnancy and her right ovary had become atrophied and dysfunctional. This client had a poor prognosis of conceiving and giving birth without IVF. She had utilized mind/body programs at the hospital, meditation, self-hypnosis tapes, group support and the like prior to her session with me. When she came to me, she was at the end of her rope, severely traumatized and discouraged from the losses and medical interventions. It affected her entire life, the relationship to her daughter, her husband, her family, friends, medical professionals, with her self and her own body. She was determined to have another child, but she was now shaking going into the IVF treatments - the trauma was lodged deeply in her body and her psyche.This woman had come to me as a last resort. I wasn't sure I'd be able to help her have another child, but trusted that we would find out by doing the Body Dialogue: listening to what her body had to tell her.During the Body Dialogue, to our mutual surprise, her right ovary told her to stop the hormones and IVF treatments, to trust that it could help her conceive naturally and carry a healthy pregnancy to term. I told the woman to sit with this information from her subconscious mind and not make any rash decisions. In my hands-on Reiki work with her, I sensed that the left and right ovary showed an imbalance(9).The woman decided after the session, on her own, despite her doctors' predictions, to stop all the hormones and IVF treatments and to try to conceive naturally. During this time, she came for weekly Reiki treatments and learned how to do self-Reiki. Together we developed visualizations to help her conceive and carry a healthy pregnancy to term, leading to the birth of a healthy child. She listened to the relaxation/healing tape(10) and visualized her pregnancy in 3 steps and did self-Reiki twice a day, while lying down with her daughter for a nap and before going to sleep at night. During our Reiki sessions, we also worked with the mental/emotional healing process using affirmations pertaining to her situation. I also believe that a lot of emotional release on the cellular level occurred during those sessions. Within a short period of time, the woman calmed down, was able to relax and became more optimistic. She got back in touch with her spirituality and practiced prayer according to her spiritual tradition. After a few Reiki treatments, I sensed that her ovaries balanced out and that her right ovary was getting stronger. Within only 2 months, she became pregnant. Now it was a matter of sustaining this pregnancy through the first trimester and to full term, as she had a history of repeated miscarriages. We continued to do weekly Reiki sessions, bi-daily self-hypnosis/visualization and self-Reiki. The client also used the egg-shaped crystal charged with Reiki energy.After the first trimester(11), we phased out the Reiki treatments to once a month till the end of the pregnancy, when the client gave birth to a full-term, healthy baby girl. I gave the client one more Reiki session at home after birth and got to hold the beautiful new born "Reiki baby" as we affectionately called her.Since then I have been helping numerous women/couples in their struggle with fertility with mind/body techniques and Reiki. I work with some women outside the Boston area over the phone, guiding them through the Body Dialogue and preparing a customized self-hypnosis tape that helps them relax and visualize their pregnancy. They may or may not see a Reiki practitioner in their area for hands-on treatments.My treatment protocol is customized based on the needs of each individual client. In addition, I often suggest individual, couples psychotherapy and support groups. Reiki and hypnotherapy are adjunct therapies, not substitutes for psychological or medical care where that is needed.For more information or to schedule an appointment, please contact Ulrike Dettling at (781)648-9334 or www.arlingtonreiki.com1. See Niravi Payne's book, The Language of Fertility, NY: Harmony Books, 1997.2. According to research by L.G. Peppers and R.J. Knapp, there is no difference in the intensity or patterns of grief among women who experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death. Dr. J. Sher states that losing a pregnancy equals losing a child, an anticipated child and that scientifically, i.e. hormonally, maternal feelings are strongest in early pregnancy. See Niravi Payne, ibid., p. 189.3. It is believed in energy healing that traumatic memories are stored in the cellular consciousness of the body. Reiki releases trauma from the cellular memory of the body without the person having to consciously relive or remember the traumatic experience. See Libby Barnett et al, Reiki Energy Medicine, Healing Arts Press, Rochester, VT, 1996. Also see my article on Reiki as Adjunct Treatment for Depression in: Arlington Reiki News, 19984. In energy healing, it is believed that the sacral chakra (energy center) which corresponds with your reproductive organs signifies both fertility and creativity.5. Of all couples with fertility problems, 60% experience 2ndary reproductive problems. This populations is invisible and the most emotionally isolated. See Felicia Halpert, "When You Can't Conceive Again" in: Parents Magazine, Sept 94, p. 29.6. I learned about the Body Dialogue in my training with Peggy Huddleston on how to conduct Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster (TM) workshops. See Peggy Huddleston, Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster, Angel River Press, Cambridge, 1996. I have developed this Body Dialogue further in my practice for uses with non-surgery clients.7. In the Code of Ethics, psychotherapists do not have permission to touch their clients.8. See “Energy Works Miracles” by Iris Stammberger in: Arlington Reiki News, Summer 1998.9. Reiki practitioners do not diagnose, perform or interfere with medical treatment. What I am describing here is an intuitive sensing while doing Reiki. Practicing Reiki enhances one's intuition.10. see above Peggy Huddleston, relaxation audiotape.11. The majority of miscarriages occur in the first trimester. See Niravi Payne, ibid, p. 189.

Ulrike Dettling Kalthofer M.A., L.M.F.T.
Arlington Reiki Associates
366 Mass Ave #304
Arlington, MA 02474(781)648-9334
email: Detkal@aol.comwww.arlingtonreiki.com

2 year anniversary

2009-09-09T11:29:00.002-04:00

I can’t believe it’s been 2 years since I married my soul mate and my best friend. The time flew by. I remember the day so perfectly. I have never been so happy. I wish I could marry him all over again. I had so many hopes and dreams. Little did I know what was ahead and what we would go through. I have to say all the obstacles we did have has made our marriage stronger. We had to lean on each other more. I found out in these last two years how very lucky I am to have my husband.

A second opinion

2009-08-17T12:27:00.002-04:00

My brother emailed me and said please go to Brigham and Womans. So I called a Maternal-Fetal Doctor at Brigham's. The nurse there was super nice and talked with me for about 15 minutes. She said I should see a Reproductive Endocrinologist which I do now but she said I should go to the Fertility clinic there. She said the maternal fetal doctor is for someone who has late losses, incomplete cervix, etc. She said it sounds more to me like the progesterone is the problem. I asked her if its possible that if my chromosomes are fine and my husbands are, when you put them together could they not be OK? She said no. If there is nothing wrong with both ours then it should be fine. So I felt a little better about that.

So I called over to the Fertility Clinic there and I have appointment on Sept 2nd. I just need a second opinion. Her name is Dr. Elena Yanushpolsky and she is the Director of Reproductive Surgery.

I am keeping my appointment with my RE I have now on September 4th. I guess I will pick who has the better plan for me and sounds like they know what to do. So I will make my decision after I see them both who I want to stick with.

Then when I get pregnant I will go to a high risk OB/GYN. I might go to Brigham's for that too.

I just really need some answers. I can't except someone telling me it just happens sometimes. There has to be some reasons and I am determined on getting to the bottom of it.

Natural miscarriage

2009-08-15T08:48:00.003-04:00

I thought a couple of days ago I was starting to miscarry because I had spotting. Well I miscarried yesterday. Almost 2 weeks after it was discovered. I am happy that it was natural and there was no complications. I really didn't want a d&c.
I left work early because I decided to go get a pedicure. Well there was a very pregnant lady there. I just stared at her belly. I was so jealous and envious of her. How lucky she was. Did she know how lucky she was?
I started getting very bad pains in my left side and then very bad cramps. As I was driving home, not to be graphic, but I could feel it pour out of me. I live an hour away from work. So it was the worst drive of my life. I couldn't get home fast enough. Of course I hit tons of traffic. By the time I got home I was a mess. Then it slowed down and I just had awful cramps. I am just really glad it went natural. I just kept crying when I was driving home. Why me? Why is this happening to me again? Why three miscarriages?
My main focus now is just to rest. I am anemic and do get dizzy from the loss of blood. So I am laying low this weekend.
My focus next week is to find a doctor who specializes in miscarriages and who can give me some answers. My doctor now is like, oh lets try this, it could be this. That is not good enough for me. I need some answers.
To doctors, I am just another patient. Its no big deal for them. To me all three were my babies. I fell in love with all of them the minute I knew I was pregnant. Even though the last one was a blighten ovum, meaning no baby, just an empty sac. I still feel it as a loss.
People and doctors say to me, "you have been this before" and "we know you can get pregnant". Does that make it more easy on me? Trust me its worse. Yes I have been through this before. No it does not make it easier on me. It scares me to death now. Am I ever going to have a healthy baby? Or am I just going to keep on having miscarriages?

Is the woman who used to pretend she was a mommy when she was little, always loved babies and loved to babysit as a teenager, loved being with her nieces and nephew and just dreamed of having her own and couldn't wait for the day to be a mom, is this ever going to happen for her?

Miscarriage number 3

2009-08-12T11:57:00.002-04:00

I am going to keep this brief. I started to miscarry my 3rd yesterday. Words can't describe how I feel. I feel like a failure and I can't believe God would be this cruel. I prayed and prayed that the doctors were wrong and that it wasn't a blighten ovum and they just couldn't see it because of my tilted uterus. It didn't work. My faith is again tested. Why would God be this cruel. Why give babies to parents who don't want them, but for two people who want to be parents more than anything they put us through this.
I am home because I am not sure how I am going to bleed. I have a fear that it will be like last time and I will hemorrhage again. So I am just staying home to relax and wait it out.
I have an ultrasound that they want me to keep on the 21st. I see the RE for a followup on September 3rd to go over our plan of attack.
I am at a loss with this all. After all my testing I thought I got a handle on everything and this time things would be different. I had faith and hope all would workout but instead I am back here in the same place I was 13 months ago. It took me a year to pregnant and now its gone.
I fear that my husbands chromosomes and mine just don't mesh good together. What do you then? I am going to ask to test that. They tested our chromosomes separately, but I want them to put them together somehow.
I feel like this is a trial and error. Well lets see if this works, oh no it didn't lets try this. There has to be a reason why this keeps on happening to me.
Is it because I workout? Is my heart rate just getting to high? I have no idea. Its just so sad. Me being a mom seems so far away....

Very emotional and touching song.

2009-08-07T11:33:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Faith, hope or denial?

2009-08-05T13:58:00.008-04:00

I do not know if its hope and faith I have or I am in complete denial. I decided to the wait and see approach. I have done alot of research online and came across this website.

http://www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com/mycommunity/viewtopic.php?p=88633

After reading these stories and my sister told me a story about a woman she knows. They told her there was nothing there. She didn't do anything and then later they found a heartbeat. Also on another board I go to a lady emailed me and that happened to her sister. At 6 weeks, she had slight spotting, and went in for an u/s. The doctor couldn't see much, and had her come back in a week. Her HCG numbers continued to rise.At 7 weeks, they still couldn't see anything and the doctors came to the same conclusion as yours, that it must be a blighted ovum. She had a D&C a few days later.She continued to feel kinda crappy, and finally the doctor had her come in for a blood draw to run some tests. Her HCG levels were through the roof. Now they suspected a molar pregnancy, which, as I understand it, means something continues to grow, but not a baby...almost like a tumor - and can be dangerous if not dealt with.So they brought her in for an ultrasound, and guess what was in there?? a baby. yes, a live, kicking fetus, that somehow survived the D&C. So they screwed up twice - once, telling her there was no baby, when clearly they were wrong, and 2, obviously they didn't do the D&C correctly, as here was this baby, which appeared fine, alive and heart beating in her uterus.But when she went back at 16 weeks for her regular checkup, the baby had no more heartbeat. No one can prove it, but they can't help but be certain that going through the D&C must of hurt the fetus and eventually caused its demise. They did do testing on the tissue and the baby had no known chromosomal issues.

I also came across this story. now its very freaky because the dates are exactly like mine. it was in 2007.

"Now here I am 4 years later. I am pregnant again and I know exactly when I conceived( July 1). I had a sonogram at 7 weeks 1 day (Aug. 8) from my last period (June 18). The doctor said my sac looked like I was five weeks pregnant and he couldn't see anything in it. He said that would be normal for five weeks and maybe my dates were off. I knew they weren't so I left feeling hopeless and upset. The only hope I felt was that my son looked 6 weeks when he was 8 weeks so maybe that was happening again but this time I didn't have the reassurance of a heartbeat. We tested my HcG levels and they went from 3,284 to 3,611 in two days. I knew that wasn't supposed to be good but at least they went up. My progesterone level was 8 when it is supposed to be around 20. So I was very worried but I started to feel a lot more hopeful after I found this website and started reading all the misdiagnosed stories. I am very thankful that this site exists and that God led me here. I also have a friend that was told she had a blighted ovum early on and 3 weeks later they did a sonogram and found the heartbeat. She now has a healthy baby girl. Yesterday (Aug. 16) I went to the doctor for another sonogram (8 days after the first). After seeing my HcG #'s the doctor didn't seem hopeful. He started the vaginal ultrasound and I could see a baby in the sac and I saw what I believe to be the heartbeat. The doctor says "Well we may have a surprise here. " The baby measured 6weeks and 2 days. The doc said he wasn't totally sure that what we saw was not my heartbeat because it was so close to my heart rate. But that there was a significant change in the right direction from the last ultrasound. I will have another ultrasound on Wed. Aug. 22. I feel very hopeful and a little worried which is probably why I am up writing this at 4 in the morning but I have a tremendous Faith in God. No matter what happens I know that he knows what is best for our family and he has a perfect plan for us. Many times I have looked back on my life and wondered why did I worry so much about finding the right man or if I would have children because God is in control and he has the perfect plan for us. He is much wiser than we are and he wants the best for us. Of course my hearts desire right now is that this baby is healthy and will join our family. But I am thankful for all that he has given me and I feel so blessed."

So after hearing all these stories I am going to let my body do it on its own. If this is going to miscarry it will. I can't cautiously have a d&c with my numbers going up and knowing these stories. Also I don't want a d&c. I scarred with my last one. I am just going wait and see. I have been reading that with a tilted uterus you make look 1 to 2 weeks behind also.

The doctor called me today. She is not to hopeful. She said the blood work should be higher. She said I can certainly wait and see. I will have another ultrasound the week of the 17th. I said my body is going to know what to do.
She said the one thing she can say is that my progesterone was low when I first had my blood work. they increased my progesterone. She said maybe you should of been on a higher dose from the start. it would help with implantation, etc. So I am going to wait and if that week there is nothing there I will know for sure that its a blighten ovum.

My sister in laws friend kept on having miscarriages. She went to a specialist. He said what are you doing and put her on bedrest. She has two children. Should I not workout from the start? I might go and see him.

My emotions are a roller coaster. In the back of mind I know its not a viable pregnancy. But I cant help thinking I need to have faith that a miracle will happen. Miracles do happen sometimes right? Maybe I will get one. Maybe my grandparents looking down on me and my two babies in heaven will make sure this miracle happens.

I was meant to be a mom. I wont give up trying. I wont lose my faith. I felt like it was a miracle I was finally pregnant after a year. I cant give up on my miracle without a proper fight.

Thank you for your well wishes, thoughts, prayers and good wishes. Please continue to pray for my husband and I and for this little one that I hope and pray I am carrying.

I am updated this post....
My ultrasound is scheduled for August 21st. My husbands birthday. Is this a sign? Could this be good luck? Will our miracle happen then.
Please pray for us that it will.

With much love,
Suzanne

Prayers were not enough

2009-08-04T12:06:00.001-04:00

I just got back from my ultrasound. There was no heart beat, no yolk sac no fetal pole. They said at almost 7 weeks we should of seen something. They are going to give me another ultrasound Friday or Monday but I know there will be nothing there.I have had every kind of miscarriage now. Natural, missed and now a blighted ovum. Why doesn't my body carry a baby. I thought this was different. I was doing everything I could do. I cant even cry anymore. I just right now hate my body.I think we are going to do IVF next. In a way I just want to give up and say hey my body just doesn't want to carry a baby.

Thank you all for your prayers.

Much love,
Suzanne

The power of prayer

2009-08-03T10:27:00.004-04:00

I am asking for some prayers for the next couple of days. I went this morning for blood work and tomorrow we have an ultrasound. Hopefully my betas will still rise and tomorrow we can see the baby on the ultrasound.
As I was driving home from the blood work going to work. I just cried and prayed. I talked to the baby, though I know he/she can't hear me, I still did. I asked the baby to please be strong and try to grow big and strong. I told the baby that mommy loves you so much and will do anything for him/she to be alright. I promised I will do everything in my power to protect him/her and to please let me be its mommy. I asked God to please protect this baby and please let him/she grow.

I am just so scared that my numbers aren't rising as fast as they should and that I was measuring a week behind that the baby stopped developing that week. I pray I am wrong.I pray all will be ok. I am trying to have faith that I wont lose another child.

I found this prayer on the computer. I am not very religious, but right now I am hoping God will answer my prayers. I am a good person and feel I was put on earth to be a mom. I hope and pray I am given a chance.

O Lord Jesus Christ, through the intercession of Your tender Mother, Our Lady of La Leche, who bore You close to her heart during those long months before Your birth, I place my baby and myself entirely in Your Hands. Free me, I beseech You, from useless and consuming worry. Accept the sacrifice of my aches and pains, which I unite to Your sufferings on the Cross. Above all, most merciful and loving Jesus, protect this child You have given to me from all harm, bestowing the health and vigor every baby needs. Implant in my heart and on my lips the words and prayers of Your Mother and mine, our Lovely Lady of La Leche. All this I ask that my child and I may live to praise forever Your Holy Name

Dear Baby,
I love you so much already. Please grow and stay with mommy. I will protect you always.
Please just give me a chance.
Love,
Mommy

We need some prayers

2009-08-02T07:03:00.003-04:00

Yesterday when I was working out I got this very bad pain on my right side. I had to stop. I called the RE nurse and she said that she didn't do ultrasounds on the weekend and ifs bad go to the ER. Well it was. I went to the ER. They gave me an ultrasound and they only saw a sac in the uterus and I measured a week behind. they saw no fetal pole. I had something on my right side. they said it could me ectopic or a cyst. My HCG levels were 3750 or so. I became very tearful when the ER doctor thought that maybe I was miscarring. She said the OB/GYN is coming in and he told me not to touch you.
So the doctor came in. OMG he was the nicest man. He looked like Bill Cosby. He said that he thought that I have a cyst on my right side and when I worked out I aggravated it. He said by the way... why are you working out. He said I wouldn't have one of my patients workout that has had fertility drugs. He said you worked so hard to get pregnant why do anything to possibly harm it. He was an old school Doctor. My levels are fine and he said but the IUI was 4 weeks ago... that would be right. I said but I thought they go my LMP. He said not always. He said but I still cant rule out ectopic. I need some more blood work to go on. Because my last blood draw before this was 2 weeks ago at 686. He said that he wanted to have me stay in the hospital for observation and because my ob/gyn was in another hospital they were transferring me. He gave me hope. He said he thought we need to wait this out. He thinks I am early and that we might see something in a week or so on the ultrasound. He said that we need to have hope and patience.
So I went to the other hospital. I couldn't eat all day because I might have surgery. I had another ultrasound and blood work. That tech saw no cyst but some fluid in my uterus and the HCG went up to 4080. So they think the cyst ruptured and they want to monitor me with blood work today and then every other day. They let me go home and I am home now. I came home last night.
I am very scared. I have an ultrasound on Tuesday still with the RE.
I just need some prayers that the ruptured cyst doesn't cause any problems and that my numbers rise and we see something Tuesday to give us more hope.
I am taking my ticker down for now. I just don't know where we stand or how far along I am.

My numbers are rising and some updates!

2009-07-22T11:03:00.002-04:00

I have been getting blood tests to test the HCG. When I first tested with a home pregnancy test and got a positive I called my RE. I was supposed to come in for blood work on a Thursday but she said I could come in on the Wednesday instead. A day sooner was good enough for me. So at 13 days past the IUI I went in for the blood work. The nurse calls back that afternoon. My HSG was 51.8 and my progesterone was 10.8. She said the progesterone was a little low. They like to see it in the teens. She advised me to take more progesterone. Instead of once a day I am now on 200 mg three times a day (600mg).
She wanted me in on Friday, at 15 days past IUI. My HCG went to 136 and progesterone was 15. I was happy the numbers went up.
My last test was on Tuesday which was 19 days past IUI, the number soared to 686 and the progesterone is at 14.7.
The nurse called me on Tuesday and said all looked good so far. I have an ultrasound scheduled for August 4th and then I meet with the nurse practitioner. If all looks great with that then they release me to my OB/GYN. I can’t wait to go see him. I really like him a lot. He said he would also watch me more closely and give me a lot of blood tests and ultrasounds to make sure my HCG is rising.

I am a little scared that for 2 weeks I wont be monitored. I have to be honest, I am so happy I am pregnant but a big part of me so very scared. I am expecting to go to the bathroom and see blood. I know I should think positive and I am trying to but it’s so hard.
Then I have it at the back of my mind what happened last time. I went for almost 12 weeks thinking all was great and baby was great when it died at 6 weeks. That is still in my mind and I am so afraid that will happen again.
I also decided to stop teaching spinning. It was kind of a no brainier. My husband begged me to stop. I also felt that that was not what I needed to do right now. I was reading that if you have had miscarriages before you should not do strenuous exercise. That stuck in my mind. So for now I am just walking, lifting light weights, and I want to start doing a prenatal yoga DVD I have. To be honest I only have the energy to just walk on my lunch hour. I say when I get home I will lift weights and do a prenatal yoga DVD. I have just been exhausted and I am usually in bed by 7 pm.

Speaking of symptoms my major ones are starving if I don’t eat every 3 to 4 hours. I wake up in the morning famished. Exhaustion is the huge one. I can sleep all day if I could. I also get vivid dreams at night. I don’t know why this is one of my major symptoms. When I get them I know I am pregnant. Maybe its because I am in such a deep sleep. Lastly, bloat! I am so bloated. After I eat my belly swells up!

I am taking one day at time. That’s all I can do. I can't think about the months ahead. I can't get excited that I will be a mom in March. I can only think about today. I am doing all I can to keep this baby safe. I am eating right and getting enough rest. I am listening to my body more. When I am tired I go to sleep, when I am too tired to workout I don’t. Today I am pregnant and love my baby is my motto. I pray every night that all will be OK with this baby. This is the miracle we wished for and prayed for, for so long.